[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

I can't think of the exact quote right now, but I'm reminded of one to the effect of us tending to see the darkest motives in those closest to us, while being more likely to give more distant strangers a greater benefit of the doubt.

I've often found it to be true, where there is a temptation to judge a given behavior in a harsher light in someone we know well, than the same behavior would be judged in someone else.

I suspect your moms actual clients actually do get the benefit of a greater degree of professionalism than you do.

I'm sorry to hear about this setback. I'm crossing my fingers for you for finding a solution to your health troubles.

She’s also quite hard of hearing despite having hearing aids,

One thing to help you out with her on this. My aging mother was having the same problem and in talking to her I learned how isolating this becomes. There's only so many times a person can ask someone to repeat themselves before its socially awkward. Many times the hard-of-hearing person eventually just gives up and nods pretending to hear and just becomes not part of the conversation. They can be a room full of people and be totally alone.

I found that her hearing aid brand has an external (bluetooth) microphone option and got her one. These are called "Buddy mic", "Handy mic", or "Partner mic". It is a small rechargeable batteried mic that can lay flat in the middle of table of people (omnidirectional mode) or clipped on a lapel (unidirectional) that will isolate just the one person its next to (to combat loud noisy places and bring out the voice of the person being talked to). There's usually a smartphone app the user can control modes and further filter sound. The one I got also has a 3.5mm audio input so you can plug it direction into a sound source like a TV which will pipe the sound right into the user's hearing aids.

Find out her hearing aid brand and model and do a google search to see if hers has one. It will likely be a couple hundred dollars but it is a GAME CHANGER. My mother has had it and used it for months now and uses it all the time. If she is having trouble hearing in a conversation, she'll quietly pull it out, set it in the middle of the table and is back in the conversation being able to hear everything and respond. She loves it!

The same may help your mother, and its possible some of the friction you're experiencing from her may be her frustration with being sidelined because she can't hear and her getting frustrated with that and it coming out on you.

Man, that sucks. Saw your update the other day and was happy to hear you at least had a tentative diagnosis and some progress. Is the gross mouthwash stuff still helping at least?

I know this is distressing and depressing, but try not to let the lack of diagnosis get you down. When it comes to unusual stuff, it can take years. It took so long for my partner to be diagnosed with Endometriosis, hEDS, and POTS, literally years for each one individually. She struggles a lot because many of the things that could help her interact badly with her other meds, so she has to pick and choose what to "treat."

Anyway, the amount of time it takes can be brutal, but don't stop looking for answers, and don't stop advocating for yourself.

Also, try to minimize the amount of time with your mother if you can, because that certainly isn't helping your mental state.

Oh man, I really empathize with you. There's nothing worse than a stubborn, narcissistic know-it-all mom who still treats you like you're twelve instead of a grown-ass adult. They never understand how they cause you anxiety, and they always think your problems are all in your head and somehow your own fault. They never realize how they wear you down by tearing you down.

I bought my dad a book for his birthday called Old Jews Telling Jokes*, and no lie, the first one he read was "What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler? Answer: eventually a Rottweiler will let go!"

Levity aside, hang in there and stay strong. You're in the best possible place for finding a diagnosis, and despite what the neuro said, you did have some small progress yesterday. Don't let her nonsense overshadow that. And keep venting on Lemmy because we've got your back, and we know how draining overbearing moms can be!

* Side note, this was first successful gift I've bought him in ages. He's 75 and famously hard to buy for so this was an enormous victory that I will be proud of probably forever haha

Oh, she also thinks that the dry heaving every morning is inconsequential and I should just accept that I’m going to have to live with it the rest of my life. What. The. Fuck?

Even morning sickness tops out at 7-9 months, lol. Hang in there. Hopefully they sort you out. Mayo is certainly the right place to be trying.

With a mother like that, no wonder you have such neurological problems. Also, there's an article on Kbin today about how morning heaving can come from heavy cannabis usage. So that could be part of the problem.

I have severe gastric pain throughout my GI tract right now that comes and goes in waves, and it's un-diagnosable, but it feels like I swallowed razor blades while also sitting on an unsheathed knife blade - it really does make me crazy with pain.

So I know how frustrating it is when there's nothing they can do or diagnose to help. I don't use cannabis for pain because I can't stand the smell or taste of it and nothing works for pain relief when you're dealing with such horrible symptoms.

Anyway = / as a fellow sufferer, hang in there and tell your mom to go worry about her own life problems. You don't need that additional stress!!!!

All I can think is that she has a completely different personality as a therapist.

I am sorry you're having to experience this. It is a horrifying behavior that is very, very common among people with different social groups, and especially professions that 'serve' or help people. Doctors, EMTs, nurses, therapists, even cops or firefighters... I've seen it in all of them. They are exceptionally kind and caring until they clock out, and then are vehemently demanding of perfection, calculating in their coldness and disdain, and nearly psychopathic about other things that they find irritating in those they help while on the job. They completely suppress or sidestep their feelings about the issues while on the job, and let it all out on the people who are close, like family.

I know you're having advice chucked at you from all directions, and in the last big post you said you had tired of that, so ignore everything after this if so and I'll put it in spoilers.

It looks like on your general information post, you didn't want medical advice, so I do apologize if I'm stepping on toes here, but in another post, you mentioned Trigeminal Neuralgia.
My speech therapist actually got into her line of work because of experiencing face/head/neck neuralgia herself, (on top of being a singer) and so her practice includes manual therapies on top of the more typical speech therapy practice. (apparently its more popular in speech pathology training in the Boston/New England area, so not sure if its as accessible around you)

I suggest looking into manual therapies for treatment, and speech therapists may be a good place to start looking for it. Its made a world of difference for me and my own SLP.

Also, I'm a little curious about Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. It'd be a bit of a long shot in your case, but if you feel the strong urge to bathe in really, really hot water, tell your specialists- its an obscure one, usually associated with children and gets written off as a form of migraine in adults.

Do you smoke weed at all Squid?

I hope they keep looking into it and get something figured out. I assume they're doing basic blood work like a comprehensive blood panel? Autoimmune diseases? Unfortunately, my experience in the medical field is that sometimes if they can't figure it out relatively easily, they sort of give up, and eventually the condition gets worse and becomes more obvious and easier to diagnose.

Hey. No need to answer. Probably already tested for it. But if not, consider pancreas issues. It can annoy everything around it when crabby.

Hi! I just read this, and man that is such a frustrating situation to be in. I dealt with severe food aversion when I was in high school, and ended up getting a diagnosis of gastroparesis. Similar to you, there was a day where I just suddenly got "better", although I never recovered to the point of having a normal appetite for a person my size. I never reached the point where the smell of food triggered a gag reflex, but I'm definitely familiar with how personally we take our relationships with food and how that must be affecting you and your family. I've been in situations where I desperately wanted to eat something in order to make someone's effort feel appreciated, but haven't been able to because of my body. When I read about you not being able to get a meatball sub for your daughter, it brought up feelings I hadn't thought about in over a decade.

Do you know of any mutual aid groups that could help you with transportation or lodging or financial aid in Rochester, if you ever have to go back? It may be worth looking for other ways to access care

It's tough having parents that aren't able to understand what you're going through. I know all about that.

Keep seeing doctors. Specialist. Just keep going, someone will figure it out and you'll be glad you didn't give up on it.

Chin up, brother