Can someone watch my vegan outdoor cat for a bit? Taking my pitbull to get circumcised.

Guess I’ll stock up on beans

But then you could just say any number quickly! It’d be numberwang but with wangs.

Are dick measuring contests judged on precision or speed?

Like I’ve been thrown in a drawer with all the other humans in case I’m needed to throw some random stuff into in the future? Kind of

I just graduated from one of Canada’s top business schools with very good grades, what should I do with my life?

It’s ironic to celebrate Memorial Day in a country that hasn’t had a leader who can remember stuff in almost a decade.

Not every piece of furniture needs LEDs and usb ports. I’ll survive if there’s a meter in my living room without it’s own light source and a charging port.

Scary movie satirizing Scream is like when a Reddit or Twitter thread is just repeating the joke back at OP.

This is why reading the financial times is important.

Stop trying to boop me and boop me

This becomes less common in your thirties, but it’s kind of funny how open men are about their penis size if they think they’re above average. Especially considering how private men tend to be. Like I have friends who treat their romantic partners identity like top secret information but tell me about what size condoms they wear. It’s a little weird, though I do respect my hung friend who walks around the hostel showers dong out o7