I've never really tried multiplayer before.

Idk, I just work, go home, sleep, work again. I'm more financially stable than most people my age working for minimum wage, having been able to save by living with my parents, and that gives me motivation to get up and keep doing this every day.

But, I guess it's still not enough in the long term, for one thing.

For another, that's all that I do. I feel so easily distracted otherwise and just live to move from day off to day off, never having the focus to organize something to improve the other aspects of my life. I've not really achieved a lot of the career goals I had for myself nearly a decade ago. And that makes me feel especially like I'm failing at performing whatever male gender roles that society expects of me, which I feel in turn, will be a malus towards whatever prospects at sociability that I might have.

I'm approaching 30 and I hardly have no consistent friends or significant other. I keep reflecting on this and wonder if my social ineptitude will compound on me like my parents and result in me being either completely lonely like them or in a crappy relationship. I try making friends outside of here but, the most annoying thing about it is that I seem to often find myself the one who has to consistently initiate conversations, leading me to take hits to my rather low self-esteem. I'm just not worth bothering with as a person. The same can be said for dating in some respects. I just want to find people who I can geek out and joke about history and gaming stuff.

I'm approaching the new year, feeling disorganized and listless, discouraged by whatever past failures I've gotten out of trying to make plans to better myself that fall through.

You know, the racist professor who threw the leader of the actual Socialist Party in jail for opposing his signature national security policy and who later initiated the first Red Scare of the 20th century.

I know to expect this from American conservatives but, sometimes the extent of their political illiteracy gets through and astounds me.

That's the post. They really did that.

The short summary of it is that today, I was just trying to finish my shift when the whole sewage system in the building backed up and flooded the kitchen I work in. I was shocked by this and spent a good hour going back and forth trying to find someone to deal with the raw sewage that was coming up through the floor drains. It took a good 30 minutes for the higher ups to get there, and all during that time, my manager thought a single wet vac could deal with the raw sewage that was swamping the entire kitchen. The odor was horrible and made me nauseous. All the while, the elderly Trump lady I work with was STILL TRYING TO WASH AND PUT AWAY DISHES WHILE SCALDING RAW SEWAGE WAS GETTING CLOSE TO ANKLE DEEP IN SOME PLACES. FOR A GOOD 30 MINUTES. I wanted nothing to do with that. This just left me literally shaking a bit by all of that happening so suddenly. I just wanted to do my job, go home, and have the day off the next day.

I just wanted to get my job done.

(I'm a completionist like that)

I'm going to find a professional out there in my area who can listen to all my concerns about stuff like diagnosing/dealing with AuDHD, talking about dealing with family stuff, and just my general desire to be a better person/communicate better. I don't think I can just indefinitely keep my problems inside the way I've been doing.

Mostly because it sounds similar to a name like Colonel House (who was a KFC-style Colonel btw).

I never received formal education in the subject and I want to learn about it so that I may have a better understanding of the philosophy of our political tradition. I'd appreciate any suggestions on materials to get an introduction to the topic.

I've been trying to find more people IRL to chat with, even if online, and I actually found a person who I clicked with who seemed to share my sense of humor and references to old media. It was nice while it lasted but, I don't think he was interested in the long run. I guess I just want to share this because it gave me a moment where I started to understand what I was looking for in people who I want to make friends or date. I want to find people who are have the same nerd/geek interests and humor as me but are also a bit chill or even a bit positive. It was such a new experience for me, I guess. It feels a bit exciting. I hope I am able to find more people like that in Florida.

Two older women I work with are lifelong Republicans. One is an cat (and horse) lady, the other is a childless middle aged woman who is still trying to find a guy to date. I think he'd loathe both of them if he met them in real life.

I basically explained that one of the guys I work with is a Chud. Now he wants to call all the assholes he works with Chuds.

I don't know if it's an ADHD thing for me or some undiagnosed Autism thing but, for part of my life I used to make lists to try and prevent procrastination spirals. And the lists would get too big and I would fail them as the backlog grew. It makes me very wary of planning to this day. Has anyone else dealt with this in such a context?