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What are some ways you've generally handled know-it-all nerds? The kind that gatekeep the concept of being highly intelligent? They've taken advantage of me all my life because I'm unconfident. (hexbear.net)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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CW sexual assault, physical assault Growing up, I've been repeatedly assaulted and harassed by know it all's. That's how upsettingly nerdy they were about gatekeeping the autonomy of thinking for myself. Because they wanted to violate the most intimate of boundaries, and not have me fight back. They wanted control and power over me in every way. To play pretend that they were all powerful and intelligent wizards.

I see a lot of communists on here saying things that might lead to them being stigmatized, and I want to be able to do that more. You guys shut down nerdiness. I've been conditioned to have controlling nerd voices in my head, and automatically let them convince me out of setting boundaries and speaking up for what I believe in. Now I'm my own controlling nerd, and I don't want to be. I want to walk the right path regardless of how stigmatized it may be.

How do you shut down nerds? Especially when their opinions are antihuman? If you don't care about piggypoopballs opinions, what are your reasons for not caring?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is just being straight up with them about how theyre making you feel not an option? Like if you cant point at anything specifically it doesnt really matter, theyre still making you feel like shit.

Do you have to be around this person?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It's a pattern of people I keep running into. You'd think I'd have enough practice handling them by now.

There seems to be a type that doesn't care how people feel if they can take advantage of them. They seem to view people on a hierarchy of power, and only view who they see as "on their level and above" as respectable. You can set boundaries with them, but if they've already began abusing you, they're just offended by you setting boundaries. There's never any real respect. How you feel only matters to them if your boundaries seem too threatening to cross.

I try to make myself inaccessible to being used for their power trips, but I have trouble with that. So it happens and then I'm stuck in this position of avoiding them, which I don't want to do. I want to chill regardless of if they're present or not. And handle conversations with them well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

oh i see what you're talking about

whereever you are at/the field you are in attracts these kinds of people

i don't think there's much you can do about how people are. i think the best you can do is stop caring about what they think and put the kids gloves on when they are around.