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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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chapotraphouse
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Am I the only one here who's had relatively okayish experiences with dating apps. Im not exactly a
either.
the most toxic relationship in my life was with someone I meet through college so idk if traditional dating is really what everyone makes it out to be.
im older and have been in a committed relationship for over 15 years so im not an authority here or anything but every relationship ive ever had came from a friendship first
i think people are starting to understand that love isnt always some magic "struck by lightning" thing but rather something that blooms from healthy relationships with all kinds of people
if you are sociable and chill you can befriend people and sometimes one of those friendships just levels up, or they set you up with someone because you are cool, or you do that for them this is how it has been done in so many cultures for all of human history if it aint broke dont fix it
A lot of contemporary people fixate on a deep memetic fear of "the friend zone" which simultaneously makes them dislike the idea of being friends with people they might theoretically want to have sex with and poisons the friendship in advance by embedding that assumption for where it must go.
its all the friendzone until its not
i was in a longterm relationship that started as a friendship, i confessed my feelings and got "friendzoned" i guess, but then i just chilled and stayed friends and didnt obsess or follow around the person like a pathetic puppy dog and continued to make more friends
eventually she grew feelings for me and we had an awesome young relationship that lasted for years we both lost our v-cards to each other and i wouldnt trade it despite it ending bitterly (long story)
either way, if she never developed feelings for me that would have been okay, too. we were friends. i wasn't just hanging around to fuck her.
I met my wife on a dating site before it was bought several times over and enshittified each time. I lucked out by way of timing where the techbros didn't yet refine and perfect the process of making the site retain users as its priority over actually helping people find other people.
Dating sites were actually pretty decent before tinder set ablaze to them all. I had a lot of success when i could just message anyone on the site and the second it became tinder it just stopped working.
Some of the most annoying takes I saw on Hexbear about that were "actually because people complained about online dating when it started, online dating is exactly as good and bad as it has always been dae le ancients complained about dae le youths"
It is worse and it sucks for those that use it now.
I imagine the scope of it makes things worse as well. Like when there are only a few compatible people in your area you'd just go fuck it and go on a few dates. When there are hundreds of dating "resumes" to sift through there's probably all sorts of emergent behaviour that's tough to account for. Hell, just the genetal idea of it gives me anxiety.
I got married before the "swipe" thing really took off.
I don't think I'd be able to handle it. It sounds obnoxious and dehumanizing.
The ones trying to do more traditional compatibility dating still have that aspect and it feels even more insane. There's one that targets more careerist types and I have a feeling everyone on there is just Patrick Bateman.
those types seem to be pretty common on most dating apps as it is. like even on Tinder which is supposed to be a hook-up app for the most part
I also have had an alright experience. I used it almost entirely for meeting people, with the goal of getting off of it (the conversation) asap.
Nah, they changed my life and honestly i love them. I never would have met any of the people I'm dating currently without them