this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2023
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Here's the alternative:
Basically, finding out your partner wants a big wedding is a huge go/no-go moment. Save the money for when you really need it.
My wife and I were planning our wedding a year from then when I got a job offer to the US and we had to get married in a hurry to avoid some issues with the visas.
Best decision ever, we had a small party at my SIL patio, my parents got us tacos catering, a friend of my wife who has won some iPod battles was or "DJ" and we got some cheap wines at costco and told people to BYOB
We only had to rent some chairs and tables but it wasn't very expensive
We were planning to celebrate our 1st anniversary doing a "wedding" party but we decided to use the money to travel 3 weeks to Japan instead
As my sister in law said, even for expensive weddings, if you do things properly you'll end up making profit from the gifts you receive.
And yes, that's fucking disgusting.
I mean you're right, but I believe the converse is what she was getting at. Invite respectable guests and they will know the unwritten rule: bring a gift worth at least as much as your meal, drinks and party favors. It's not necessarily bad to expect that much.
I personally think that yes it's bad to expect that much. You're the one who decided to organize a party for a day that's all about you and your SO, it's not my problem how much you decided to spend on it. Even for my best friend's wedding I told him "You charge me something or expect me to give a gift worth X, I'm not going, it's your decision to do something special that day, you assume it, the day I invite you to a party I won't charge you or expect a gift."
I hate big weddings as much as anyone but the idea of bringing a gift isn't to "charge" you. It's that you want to help set up the newlyweds in their life together. The party is all about them but most of what they're spending is on things to make sure their guests have a great time. I'm sure it happens but I've never been to a wedding where anyone demanded a gift as the cost of entry.
Yeehaw! A thirteen dollar photoshoot!
Photoshoot's free. The $13 is for the print you get.
You mock, but my grandparents only have a couple photos of the day they were married. But they did stick together all their lives, and they did raise their kids as best they could within their means.
There was a study a few years ago that showed that people who spend less on wedding have a lower chance of divorce.
On the other hand not going for a honeymoon increase divorce rate.
So better save money on the wedding and spend it on a honeymoon.
I didn't realize you were referencing something from like 50-60 years ago. All in all, you make valid points... I have lived long enough to personally validate them. It was just the "thirteen to five hundred dollars" range that made me chuckle!
My mama's got a tiny little diamond in her engagement ring. Dad offered to get her a bigger one, but she said no, let's save that money for something more important. I believe that money got put toward a renovation of the house.
Give me a girl like mama, whose got a tiny diamond and a solid home.
Get an "artificial diamond", much cheaper but basically the same thing
Or better yet, get an artificial emerald. Green is prettier anyhow.