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Dealing with friendships that only have the past in common (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Officially in my mid-30s and every year that goes by I realize more and more that friendships from the past, high school, university etc start to dwindle as people get older and are more set in their lives. I understand that's how life is, but the upsetting thing is realizing that these friendships are based on little more than hanging onto past experiences.

I realize that I have less and less in common with them and we generally don't share the same values. They are mostly run of the mill libs "normies" type of people. Sure that sounds obnoxious, but as I'm sure many of you understand, being a queer leftist means that you will never have the same experiences as these people. I choose the people I spend my time with and the places I go very carefully to maximize my safety and enjoyment out of hell world.

Sure it would be easy to write all these people off and just focus on my new friendships with people whom I have more in common with, but that's easier said than done. It feels wrong on some level to let these friendships go. Even if it's the other person coming to the same conclusion. It still hurts on some level.

How have you dealt with this situation? I highly doubt this is unique.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is very insightful, thank you. I agree with the self help influence where they are saying things like "dump your friends if they don't have the hustle grind set" I definitely don't think like that. But, I think it can be difficult sometimes to just continue to maintain relationships with people when there is little in common between you.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

for sure. i used to go to music festivals, and i'd do group camping and to meet the minimum would invite strangers i found on Facebook or whereever. Crazily enough, it always worked out really well, but many of them i didnt have much more in common than the music we listen to. Making a deep connection is tough to do all the time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's funny because I also have a few friends who I met at music festivals that I see once a year. I occasionally interact with them on discord, but beyond that, I just kind of keep them in a separate category. So maybe it's a matter of setting expectations for different friendships?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

the distance doesnt help either, most of them are from hours and hours away in cities i dont have a huge desire to visit. it's tough to maintain a connection after only 3-4 days.