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Dealing with friendships that only have the past in common (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Officially in my mid-30s and every year that goes by I realize more and more that friendships from the past, high school, university etc start to dwindle as people get older and are more set in their lives. I understand that's how life is, but the upsetting thing is realizing that these friendships are based on little more than hanging onto past experiences.

I realize that I have less and less in common with them and we generally don't share the same values. They are mostly run of the mill libs "normies" type of people. Sure that sounds obnoxious, but as I'm sure many of you understand, being a queer leftist means that you will never have the same experiences as these people. I choose the people I spend my time with and the places I go very carefully to maximize my safety and enjoyment out of hell world.

Sure it would be easy to write all these people off and just focus on my new friendships with people whom I have more in common with, but that's easier said than done. It feels wrong on some level to let these friendships go. Even if it's the other person coming to the same conclusion. It still hurts on some level.

How have you dealt with this situation? I highly doubt this is unique.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I'm dealing with this right now. I mentioned one such friend in a post I made yesterday. It's hard to deal with the reality of friendships that only exist because of history and not wanting to formally end things.

I had a shower thought last night and for all of my reasons not to end the friendship, I didn't think that it's because I missed them or enjoyed their company.

I think it's nice to remember friendships fondly and showing respect and gratitude for what the friendship was, but if it's not something I currently enjoy or want to maintain, then I shouldn't.

We grow up and change and we find people more in line with our values. We just also live in a world where it's harder to disconnect with people. In the past, you could just go to another city and you'd never see certain people again. Now we have social media