Couldn't win even with cheating.

Maybe if they'd just driven into the stadium with a truckload of gold and threw it at the Belgian players, that would have worked. Or just given Infantino a cheque on the midfield and skipped that whole "playing the game" thing and been awarded the win.

Or maybe Papa Trump could have bombed Belgium into the stone age during the game, that might have distracted them enough to lose to the sad little crew that the US fielded.

The fact that they didn't bench whatsisname anyway speaks to the lack of character of that team and it's management, as well as the player himself.