askchapo

22763 readers

19 users here now

Ask Hexbear is the place to ask and answer ~~thought-provoking~~ questions.

Rules:

Posts must ask a question.
If the question asked is serious, answer seriously.
Questions where you want to learn more about socialism are allowed, but questions in bad faith are not.
Try [email protected] if you're having questions about regarding moderation, site policy, the site itself, development, volunteering or the mod team.

founded 4 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

Coming out as genderqueer or "How did you learn to stop worrying and love yourself?" (midwest.social)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

6 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hello there everyone. A bit of context:

I've kinda known I've been genderqueer for the majority of my life. My wife and I just got married a little over a year ago after being together for 10 years (aww high school sweethearts). I've really only told her about my sexuality and gender stuff as shes been the only person I've ever been able to be myself around. She was a little weird when I told her I was bi a few years ago (consider myself pan now) but was fine with it and said she was as well. After that I started opening up about gender and that's when everything got weird and we would stop talking about it besides a few times here and there throughout the years.

Over the weekend she brought it back up saying I could use they/them if I wanted, but she thinks "we need more guys like you" in the world. I guess if I change my pronouns and don't identify as my agab I'll be wasting the potential as a guy who stands for humane rights. Shit just fucking sucks.

I feel like part of it is being an interracial couple in the Midwest and she sees it as just another struggle we have to go through. She's talked about that and I get it but it doesn't make me feel better.

Sorry for venting, but it's just so frustrating. Like is this normal for couples who go through this situation? I'm just really pissed hearing my wife say "I understand, but most guys sucks so you should be the example" when I don't feel like a guy.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I think for me, it was less about changing anything than letting myself accept myself as I was.

Really vibe with what @[email protected] said elsewhere in this thread

i personally tried to hold on way too long as a “positive example of masculinity”. eventually i realized that even though im awesome, i was never going to be a positive example of a man since i wasn’t a dude to begin with

Except as a nonbinary person. Rather than spending time making sense out of how to fit a round peg in a square hole, I could just be and make sense as I already am.