"Interpersonal Systemic Shame makes it easy to see people's laziness, sloppiness, or apathy as the source of the problem rather than a consequence of repeated structural failures. Interpersonal Systemic Shame often involves blaming and shaming people who share identities or experiences with us, because they reflect the qualities we've been conditioned to hate in ourselves."
- Unlearning Shame, Devon Price, PhD
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As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
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The idiots at the GP surgery are still doing my prescriptions wrong. And there was an old lady in there, also complaining that her grandson's prescription still hadn't been done after many requests. The kid had asthma and his inhalers have run out and the receptionists were completely unhelpful and she had to leave still without the prescription. Someone could literally die because of this and they just don't care.
Someone on lemmy told me there's a book about the UK government actively trying to cull the disabled - "The Department," by John Pring. I'll have to see if the library has it, if I can ever get down there. My achilles is even worse today and my knee too. I hate being disabled, does anyone else fantasise that they are a completely different, able bodied person living a completely different life? I fantasise about this 24/7.
I'm also wondering if I've inadvertently pissed people off. My latest mutual aid post is not only getting no replies but no-one has even bumped it, while all the others are still getting bumped.
CW: mention of euthanasia
The UK government is on a campaign of euthanizing the poor and disabled, and nothing can convince me otherwise anymore.The book sounds like an interesting read. Maybe you can even find it on Anna's Archive, then you don't even have to check the library.
And I will admit, I dream about being anything but disabled very often. I like writing little stories, and there's always a part of me that makes its way into the characters. I make them healthy every time, and I don't think I've ever considered creating a character that shares at least some of my disabilities. It's funky, now that I think about it. It suddenly feels very ableist towards myself, but it's mostly a fear of having to voice out in a story how my physical limitations make me feel. Back to your question, I think all of us do this in varying degrees and intensities. Being disabled robs you of a lot of things, even without the societal restrictions that are added on top of the actual limitations. Dreaming or envisioning yourself as someone able-bodied to at least for a moment get out of this feeling is a way of coping. I think it's a natural thing to do when you're feeling really overwhelmed.
I also don't think you've pissed off anyone. I've spoken to a few other hexbears about the site culture recently, and we've realized people are leaving the site, so there's less people to help out. As to the bumping, I think especially between Christmas and New Year and now the abduction of Maduro, most people are so busy and/or overwhelmed they don't check mutual aid regularly, so only a few people get attention in their posts.
I just googled Anna's Archive, it says they've lost the domain.
I think it makes sense to write able bodied characters, it's probably a way for you to get to experience being able bodied for a while and do all the things you'd like to do. I feel like my daydreaming is pretty maladaptive, I'm mentally living a fake life pretty much all the time.
I didn't realise people were leaving the site, I guess that explains why it's more difficult for everyone to get mutual aid responses these days, along with being busy. Why are people leaving?
This link should be working
Counter-question then: Do you think you'd be happier if you didn't imagine yourself in a different way? Coping mechanisms can turn maladaptive quickly, iirc, but is it maladaptive just wishing for a better life if nothing you can actually do is facilitating that wish? I think it is a fine line, and since you are so restricted, especially right now, it's only natural that you daydream this much.
Struggle sessions mostly, some moderating decisions that pissed some people off, the list is long. But you got the gist of it: Less users in general = less help for mutual aid requests. I would highly recommend anybody to look for alternative sources for aid as this is currently not a good source for aid.
That link isn't working for me, the problem might be my end.
I think it's maladaptive in my case because it contributes to me not doing things I should be doing. I find it hard to drag myself out of bed in the mornings because I want to lay there and fantasise about my alternate lives, but I have to get up as I always have so many medical appointments and other crap that needs doing like dealing with my prescriptions etc. But later in the day when I should be cleaning up this pigsty and similar things, even hobbies I keep meaning to start (like art and tarot reading, I've had some art and tarot stuff for years but still haven't started) and books I mean to read, I just fantasise or doomscroll instead.
I've tried googling alternative sources of aid before but there doesn't seem to be anything suitable out there. It would suck if mutual aid is on its last legs, this place has kept me fed and helped me with medical supplies, transport etc for like a year now. I can't imagine how I would have managed without it.
Might be. Sorry I can't help any further :(
It may be, but on the other hand, what you describe sounds like depression stemming from all the impairments you suffer. Wanting to escape these circumstances when it's so much effort to try to clean up a room or keep track of a billion medical appointments is normal I'd say. Of course it makes you do less, because your brain and body don't want to deal with added stress. Don't be hard on yourself for this behavior, it's a natural reaction to your situation, and compared to others, a rather less damaging one.
It's hard to find aid for anything, I agree with you, and I'm also glad mutual aid exists. I hope it'll continue to help you out, despite the challenges
Yeah I do have depression. I mean, I am diagnosed with it but I've always considered it a natural reaction to my life rather than a mental illness. I've had multiple antidepressants but they all either didn't work or had horrific side effects. I get mirtazapine on prescription now but I throw it in the bin, I don't take it. I only get it dispensed to help my benefit claim because if I'm not having treatment they will use it as an excuse to deny me. And of course I've had multiple therapies which were mostly worse than useless. I did at least manage to do a little cleaning today, just putting all the rubbish on the floor in the bin/recycling boxes. There's still so much to do it seems overwhelming. Before my benefits were stopped my landlady and I used to go halves on a cleaner once a fortnight. £15 each and she came and did the stuff that we really struggle to do, like cleaning the shower (as we both have trouble bending down) and the hoovering (as we both struggle to lift it especially up and down the stairs). Since we can't afford her any more we're kind of living in squalor, the shower is getting black and mouldy and the carpet needs hoovering. I actually asked the council if I could qualify for help with this but they have so many people needing help they are only giving it to the worst cases, people who literally can't move or do anything for themselves.