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Anon asks out a girl (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 9 months ago by [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 34 points 9 months ago* (16 children)

Um, this is the point of going on a date? To get to know someone new? She shouldn't need anything else to go on until after they've spent some time getting to know each other? A first date is not a lifetime commitment.

How else do you get a date with someone, if not by asking them?

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  • [–] 21 points 9 months ago (13 children)

    The point of going on a date is getting to know somebody better because you're interested in them. Why on Earth would this woman be interested in this weirdo who she knows nothing about except, at most, that he sat alone at a bar for three hours straight, listened to her conversation, and interrupted her to ask her to dinner on the premise that she needs saving from being single specifically by him?

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  • [–] 23 points 9 months ago (12 children)

    Haaaaa the new generations… ya know once upon a times this was standard procedure right? Not so long ago even. Sometimes you didn’t even talk before furiously kissing someone on the dance floor and discussions came waaaaaay later on if they ever came.

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  • [–] 22 points 9 months ago (4 children)

    This still happens, but you also still need to be suave about it, which anon was not.

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  • [–] 12 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

    "Hey, I heard you talking about wanting to date. I've been feeling the same way and wanted to see if I could get us a couple drinks?"

    That's still bad because this is still pretty weird, but just be a bit casual about it instead of: "M'lady most fine, I heard of your plight and wish to save you. Please allow me take you out to dinner next week." She's with her friends, sure, but it sounds like she's been bringing down their night by complaining, so they probably wouldn't mind if she (somehow) said "yes". And the suggestion itself involves way less commitment than planning a date.

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  • [–] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

    I've been out of the game for a while, but I would assume a much better starting point would be buying her a drink. Ask the bartender what she's having, then offer to buy one for her. "Here's another drink ma'am, courtesy of that guy over there."

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  • [–] 6 points 9 months ago (1 child)

    Yeah, this is what you should ideally do in this scenario if you want a date. My comment was starting from "assume you've already walked up to her table; how do you even possibly salvage this?"

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  • [–] 12 points 9 months ago (6 children)

    You get the difference though, right? Like, it's one thing if you're going out to a place known for mingling and you hook up with someone. It is a completely different thing if you're at a place to hang out with friends and a complete stranger saunters up to say he's been eavesdropping on you.

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  • [–] 1 point 9 months ago (5 children)

    Nhaaaaa when going to bars or youth places was still a thing it was exactly like that… you went out with them to smoke, asked / give some lighter and voila. We had to rely on so many tricks when tinder was not a thing I suspect you don’t realise yourself :-)

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  • [–] 3 points 9 months ago (4 children)

    you went out with them to smoke, asked / give some lighter and voila.

    So you didn't just barge into their group conversation. Cause that would be weird right?

    You should also give up on this whole "wizend internet elder" schtick. I was also going to bars and youth places before Tinder, and behaviour like that of the 4Chan guy would definitely be called out as strange and unwelcome.

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  • [–] -1 points 9 months ago (3 children)

    Same same really. And the lighter was one of the least obnoxious trick really.

    Can’t help with the personality though, that’s just who I am. Feel free to click on « block » if it hurts.

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  • [–] 0 points 9 months ago (2 children)

    Well I hope you're either happily in a relationship or some kind of merry recluse because things are different now and I doubt your "tricks" will work so well. We're trying out this new thing where we act like women are people, and we pretend that they don't want to be prayed upon by thirsty dudes at every venue. Not everyone is on board yet but it's catching on.

    The block thing is kind of sad. Is that how you normally go through mild disagreements? Blocking and being blocked? Cause that would suck. It's cool guy, I am not hurt. I personally don't want to live in an echo chamber of only things I agree with. How would I get into arguments with strangers?

    P.S. I don't actually think this was an argument. That was just for the joke.

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  • [–] 0 points 9 months ago (1 child)

    I am indeed. I also never partook into this sort of approach, not being the « right kind » for this.

    I suspect you assume that I was « supporting » or otherwise lounging for this ? That’s not the case just to be clear.

    But it was happening, a lot, and I feel it is interesting to remember it to better appreciate how it is now.

    You assume so much about me that is actually very sad.

    As for how to converse with strangers you could go in a bar and raw start conversations…

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  • [–] 1 point 9 months ago

    @a4ng3l@lemmy.world 8 hours ago:

    We had to rely on so many tricks when tinder was not a thing

    @a4ng3l@lemmy.world now:

    I also never partook into this sort of approach

    I think I safely assumed you were in support of, and possibly engaging in, that approach based on how fervently you were advocating for it. If you are not supportive of it you should have used less self-inclusive language, or been slightly critical at some point. Say stuff like "people did x" instead of "we did x" for example.

    To be clear: I never said it wasn't happening. I said if one were to behave like that it would be called out as weird. Granted, I was in the dating scene at the tail end of the "Pre-Tinder" era. Sites like PoF and eHarmony were around, but lots of dating and mingling was still being initiated in the IRL sphere. Online dating was still seen as a new thing for nerds after all. I am sure things were different in the early 90s and before.

    Something being, as you've described, standard procedure not so long ago does not make it inherently good. Doesn't make it inherently bad either. Just have to reassess stuff every now and then.

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  • [–] 6 points 9 months ago

    Stories like this are presented from the POV of the guy, even from that perspective it's not 'good', at best it's just not 'bad'

    There's nothing wrong with asking but also like don't just drop it out of nowhere.

    Even if the vibes are right, you can't just walk up to someone, say 'wanna date?' and get good results. That's especially true if you open by saying you were evesdropping.

    Chat with someone for a bit, see if you click before asking them on a date. Even just buy them a drink and give them the option to approach you.

    She was a massive dick, but that doesn't mean he handled the situation well.

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  • [–] 2 points 9 months ago

    The point of a date is not to get to know someone new. It's to get to know someone romantically. Some people want to know a little bit about someone before they are ready to decide if that's something they're interested in.

    It's not always "that" you ask someone. Sometimes its when you ask.. or how, or what you say.

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