They are always completely distracted and on their phones the whole time.

Your DnD groups are all incredibly hot and sexually uninhibited, but none of them will date you because they can always get great sex, whereas you are the best at being a DM. They also steal any one you want to date because they want you do do nothing but be there for them.

You DM becomes your literal dungeon master. You're literally chained naked in a basement, forced to play endless games of DND.

This irritates your intestines terribly every time you use it, causing you to be the one to have to cancel every time tho, or play the session in agonizing pain and very frequent bathroom trips

Even for a post like this that’s just unrealistic.

But, everyone shows up but their fingers are constantly covered in a thick layer of Cheeto dust.

Everyone wants to play in your games

Their friends and family become trapped in stasis until they complete a campaign, they know you are to blame. You die when the campaign ends.

But they want to change their character every time.

Everybody in the group but you suddenly dies.