Asklemmy

I used to be fat, and when I watch morbidly obese people talk about how much they love food and it makes them happy and makes them feel better that is 100% me. Food is absolutely an addiction for some people, including me. Thankfully I have it under control to be at a healthy weight and lose weight when I need to, but some of these people have absolutely tragic childhoods or life experiences and I don't blame them at all for coping in that way. I could 100% see myself in that position if I had been through what they have been through.

However, those people are self aware that they are unhealthy. The people I can't stand are the "healthy at every size" fat acceptance people. Healthy at every size was SUPPOSED to be that you can make positive health focused changes at any size and there is no point of no return. But it got twisted into I can be morbidly obese and I am still 100% healthy forever. And they even make people feel bad for wanting to lose weight, even if it's for health reasons. Those people are trash and fall on the same level as antivax people IMO.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, until you start spewing harmful bullshit and then I will judge you as much as I want.

I totally get that, same here.

But ultimately you can't just blame people. There is literally an entire industry trying to sell you cheap carbs and fat. Down to the sound a bag of chips makes when you open it (this is not a joke).

So on one hand you have evolution, your body still being stuck in the past where food was scarce. On the other hand you have too much food and it's highly engineered to be addicting on purpose.

It's no surprise most people are going to lose that challenge.

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately and your comment is interesting. Your first sentence is definitely phrased in a more controversial way than the rest of your comment, but I can't help seeing it as very similar to "Being depressed is a choice the vast majority of the time, and I have a huge bias against depressed people." Is that an unfair comparison?

I know that treating fatness/obesity as a disease is kinda controversial but I feel like folks give people dealing with mental health a lot more grace than people dealing with health issues related to being fat. I've also heard that for some people they can be perfectly healthy at a higher weight (though this is clearly not the case for many fat people who are seeing health impacts). I guess I'm assuming that a lot of fat people would potentially like to be less so, but can't (for any number of reasons) quite get there. This seems really similar for me to people dealing with depression, anxiety, etc who want to change things but keep falling back into the problem.

I guess my question is do you have bias against people who can't escape other bad cycles like mental health or even stuff like alcoholism? Or is it more just that you think it's fair to judge people without the discipline/willpower to get out of a state they didn't want to be in, like you did.

I especially hate when everyone's conclusion is genetics. That's such a minuscule percent of obese people that it's ridiculous.

Sure.

But that doesn't mean go out and harass fat people. Trust me we fucking know. You can't lose weight instantly. Some of us may actually be working on it.

Also fat people have the right to be happy. People hating on "happy at any size" is just being assholes for the sake of it.

After I got diagnosed with some weight related shit, I turned my entire life upside down, am at a much healthier 150 lbs (68ish kg), and feel so much better, both physically and mentally.

Something disillusioning from the field of psychotherapy research: Our best, most interdisciplinary, low-threshold therapeutic strategies allow people to, on average, lose and hold the loss of up to 7-10% of the weight they've started with. Which isn't even enough to get most people out of the obesity range. What you've been through is exceptional. By far most people will never manage to lose that much, not even with professional help.

To put it this way: If we look at obesity like a mental disorder it's one of the hardest to overcome, harder than depression or anxiety.

I get why so many people share your opinion on this, I just feel like it's missing context. Because sure, physiologically its possible for a depressed person to "just go out more" or an anxious person to "just stop breathing so fast" or an overweight person to "just eat less and move more", but this is such an oversimplified way to look at how humans work and why they do what they do that is simply stops being correct. Every now and then you'll meet someone who managed to do all this just like that, but for the vast majority it's an unrealistic and unfair thing to ask.

Obesity is a chronic disorder and will continue to be until we get better treatments.

Well, anything that can consistently be changed with hard work is ultimately a choice in the same way. Not everyone can deal with the amount of effort needed to lose weight. When you have accumulated awful habits, you need a lot of both time and willpower to change them.

I was never huge, though 212 at 5'9" is overweight and approaching the technical definition of obesity. Due to some undesirable side effects of that weight (medical), I've been working to lighten up and am already down 24 lbs in 3 months, with a target of 170. It's tough, and even painful at times, but it really is as simple as making sure calories in is less than calories out. For the doubters, I recommend just starting with meticulous tracking of activity and food consumption without even making any changes. It gets very obvious very quickly what's happening, which makes it easier to start making changes.

100 pounds lost is amazing. What did you find that worked for you and how long did it take?

Hmm I think that for a lot of people, it wasn't a choice to get fat. I know a lot of kids who are already obese and they aren't even in their teens.

However, I do think it's a choice once you've realized it and have the ability to actually do something about it.

Kinda related but unrelated: it irks me when someone comments how easy it is for me to be skinny, bc it isn't. As a previously underweight person, I think gaining and losing weight are just as hard. I had to control my diet, work out, and have a lot of self control to not lose the habits I was building. I folded and stagnated a lot, and yeah it was demotivating but I still had to make a choice to keep going.

I used to agree with you and still do in a way since I have quite negative attitude towards fat people. However I now realize that while calories in - calories out applies to everyone we're still different especially in the way we experience hunger.

I'm thin and fit myself but I eat like shit. What differentiates me from fat people however is that I only eat about 3000kcal of shit and then I'm full and it may take quite a while before I eat again but I also go to gym and mountain biking and stuff so I use all the calories too instead of storing them as fat. I also sometimes simply just skip dinner altogether because I don't feel like eating. I'm just lucky that I can still function just fine even with an empty stomach and I don't experience aggressive sense of hunger like some other people do. Also I hate cooking and eating. Takes too much time.

My theory for why this is is that my body is just better at switching from carbonhydrates to burning fat (converting it into glucose) and thus I don't experience the drop in blood sugar levels the way some other people do to whom it takes a while for this process to kick in so they crash hard after all the carbs are used up.

You seem to have found the main nerve

I would've thought you would've learned kindness out of that ordeal. Didn't people make fun of you? How'd it feel, even if you knew they were right? It's just rude and inappropriate. There's no need. eve

I turned my entire life upside down

Unfortunately if this is the only route to losing weight that is out of reach for many, many people who are already getting totally fucked by the system and struggling to get by.

There are a lot of people with eating disorders that result in them being overweight. Some people who have been neglected and abused as children can turn to food as their only source of comfort. If you have not been safe as a child, you will likely not have a basic sense of safety as an adult. If no-one has been kind to you and took care of you, you will likely not know how to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

So, you use food to feel safe and to get a sense of comfort. You use it to numb the feelings, to feel something nice. Because you do not have the resources to cope with the world that others that were loved as children do have, you do not know how to deal with it another way. And you survive and fight to make something of your life after all that has happened to you.

And then you get overweight. And society will tell you that it is your own fault. That you should show more restraint. That you just should eat less. That you lack willpower. That you are repulsive. That you are inferior to people who are not overweight. That you are unlovable. Basically, that you are everything that they used to tell you that you were when you were a child.

And you try to lose the weight, but you feel awful. You feel unsafe. You have nothing else that gives you a nice feeling. People will compliment you and be nicer to you and say that you look better. But you are constantly stressed. You think about food day and night, constantly, until you break. And you eat and you gain the weight back, and more. And you will feel like a failure, and you will feel unlovable and repulsive. And you do not know how to deal with these feelings in any other way than by eating.

And so, the stigma around being overweight actually makes it more difficult to love yourself and to be kind to yourself. The focus on food and the idea that everything will be okay if you just lose the weight will make you put all your effort into weight loss, instead of solving the real problem. Namely, that you need to process trauma and find other ways of coping with feelings and the world.

I think this is what is happening to a lot of people who are overweight. And they might not even be aware of it. They might think it is just about food, because that is what everyone is telling them. That they should just work harder at losing weight. That they just should have more willpower.

But I think that many people who are overweight do not lack willpower at all. They have survived horrible things. They did not get basic life skill lessons that others did. They did not grow up with a sense of safety and feeling good about themselves. But they survived. And they try to make something of their lifes. And that takes a lot of willpower. And for them to get better and to lead a more happy life, they need help with learning new ways to cope, they need their strength to be acknowledged, they need to be accepted, and, above all, they need to be loved.

As a disabled person who struggles to maintain a healthy weight, I'll tell you that yours is not an unpopular opinion. I know that mine is not the typical experience, and there are far more people who are overweight for reasons within their control, but let's not pretend the people celebrating obesity are the norm.

Regardless of your problems, shame is never productive. Looking down on people you perceive as "fat, lazy fucks," is just a way to make yourself feel better about yourself. "God, I'm glad I'm not like that piece of shit anymore." It's a form of self loathing, hating the way you used to be.

Be kinder to the person you used to be. That person probably could have used to positive support and thoughtful advice. Maybe then you wouldn't have needed to turn your entire life upside down just to get healthy. Don't be ashamed of your past choices. Own them, recognize why you made them, and learn how to be a better person tomorrow.

I'm 265 and 5'9", and I spent my whole life feeling like this was my fault. I've changed my diet, I've tried exercising, but I was always met with extreme difficulty. I thought exercise was supposed to be difficult and I was just a big baby. People would say, you just have to build up stamina. It gets easier. But it never did. It would get to the point where I'd be crying and pushing myself and still not accomplishing as much exercise as even an average unfit person could. I'd walk a few miles every day and never build stamina, never feel better, never lose weight.

I just found out I have an issue with my pituitary gland, likely a tumor (going for a scan). I just had the tests to confirm the issue is in my pituitary (the tests were miserable). I'm actually not producing certain hormones, so it turns out I'm incapable of building muscle. That's why I can't build stamina or convert my fat into muscle. I've been told this was "almost certainly" my issue for 2 months, (after my mom, aunts, and cousins were all diagnosed; we likely share a genetic defect causing pituitary tumors) and I've had the confirmed test results for over 2 weeks. It's really hard to shift my perspective away from "this is my fault, I just need to try harder." I expect to battle with health insurance a couple weeks to months before getting my hormone replacement. My mom only took 2 weeks (averages 2 months), so fingers crossed.

I've always thought more people were overweight for medical reasons than assumed by the general population, I just didn't think I was one of them. I see a lot of moms like me hustling after their toddlers, eating well, trying their best, and still being overweight. I wonder if it has something to do with all the "endocrine disruptors" I'm always hearing about. I definitely think some people are overweight "by choice" (or by a mental disorder rather than a physical one), and I have major problems with "fat positivity" (I believe in body neutrality), but I think it's more people having a medical problem than you'd expect. Same with my wife and child who both eat like horses but have BMIs of 13. It's not like they're not trying to gain weight.

I try to be nice to everyone as none of us are perfect and fat is just a more easy to see imperfection, right?

But as far as it being mostly lifestyle choice, I agree. I am older. When I was in school there was ONE fat girl, Tanya, and a few "husky" boys. The rest of us were thin.

Do I think Tanya chose to be fat? No way. I think she had some medical issue that made her body hold on to all that fat. But I think the natural incidence of that sort of issue cannot have increased, in one or two generations, from that 1/400 to 1/3. It's not possible.

The ones that get me are the obviously overweight couples with rotund children.

Being overweight is an overblown focus on people's health. Most mildly overweight people lead a normal life. There are more important focuses that also impact weight gain without all the shame.

Nah, being fat is the embodiment of laziness. Your bias isn’t wrong, but good on you for trying to give people a chance.

Unpopular opinion follow-up: You should be using proper units of measurement.

Don't get me wrong. I can perfectly infer from the story what you're saying. But 150 or 250 lbs just doesn't mean anything to me. Neither does the height or what people write in the other comments.