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A couple IRL trans people I know are convinced that I'm trans and it's adorable (hexbear.net)

submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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God if this happened 15 years ago I'd be super upset and defensive. I try to apply the Hexbear Code of Conduct in the real world, so I'm probably above average for cis men for being decent to trans people (but still there's a lot of space to grow!). I've always failed miserably at being a normal cis guy, I'm shit at sports, I don't do tough guy attitude well, and I'm pretty kind and emotional. I've also taken advantage of the recent explosion of gender fluidity recently to update my style a bit: there are more pinks and pastel colours in my wardrobe than their used to be.

I forgot to mention, my voice has a bit of a "gay twang", as friends have told me. Thankfully it's never bothered me, but I get asked if I'm gay a lot.

So maybe it's partly my fault, but a couple of the younger trans people in my life are convinced that I'm a trans woman. I think it's sweet, they've let me into their secret club. They often reassure me that I'm a woman if I want and that's OK.

My only real fear is that I'll waste their time or their good intentions. They seem really motivated to help me socially transition, but I can't see going anywhere past a cis dude that sometimes wears cute shirts.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 days ago (5 children)

Honestly it's fine. I appreciate the advice. I just feel that I'm middle aged and have had a lot if time to think over if I feel like I'm a woman. I don't feel especially drawn to being a woman, although being male is very ehh honestly.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

mgs-alert

hexbear-non-binary

[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 days ago

squad-concern-1

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 days ago

Being the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ gender is a valid choice. You know who you are, and that's cool. And if who you are changes, that's cool. You are still you, and people who love you will support you.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago

A lot of people don't know this but building a custom gender is real cheap and easy. I did it in my back yard with some old wooden pallets.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago

I don't feel especially drawn to being a woman, although being male is very ehh honestly.

i don't really resonate with the egg-crack language b/c it feels very binary trans centric to me (maybe that's just internalized phobia though, i really don't know), but it took me a while to realize cis men and cis women don't generally feel indifferent toward masculinity and femininity respectively, and that made me consider whether i might be on the agender spectrum. it's just something to consider - honestly, when you get into the realm of "very gender-nonconforming cis guy" and "some flavor of enby," the line gets kind of murky and arbitrary (in a freeing - not minimizing - kind of way, in that gender can really be whatever Feels Right). to elaborate, someone in this thread already brought up how being cis-but-gay opens up so, so much more variance in socially acceptable gender expression, and a lot of more outwardly queer gay dudes are probably more nonconforming than I am and are comfortable at "he/him" whereas I'm not, so there truly is a very vibes-based, it-is-what-you-feel dimension to all this.

i do think immediately saying "hehe eggposting" isn't very respectful of your individual journey and falls into the trap a lot of queer people do where they project their personal self discovery process onto others as some universal roadmap, and can lean into gender essentialist bullshit. i've also never been a fan of the "cis people don't think about gender, if you're thinking about it a lot you're trans" line because, while it may contain a grain of truth, i think everyone should be encouraged to think about gender intentionally. e.g., you really think a super cishet gymbro isn't chasing some version of gender euphoria trying to get swole?? (also, certain anxiety disorders cause you to obsessively interrogate questions of identity even if the experiences of those identities clearly don't line up with your personal experience (iykyk))