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Training and familiarization helped me a lot with that exact feeling. I had the same feeling about circular/table saws. My dad was a carpenter, and those things freaked me the hell out - one tiny mistake could have devastating consequences, and that was all I could think about when I was around them. But with careful instruction and exposure, learing to use and be more comfortable with them, that feeling was gradually replaced by calm and confidence, and they changed in my mind from these objects of terror into valuable tools. There was still fear, but it was a healthy, respectful fear.

I went through the exact same process with guns as well. Some classes with a good instructor, giving you a chance to get more comfortable and familiar before you bring a gun into your home, could help a lot.

Everything you're describing is completely reasonable. For the past decades, left-wing "policy ideas" have floated banning guns or at least some form of gun control. They state statistics, examples from other countries, testimony from gun experts, etc etc all describing how perfectly harmful just owning a gun can be and how unlikely you are to ever run into a situation where a firearm will improve your situation and chances of surviving.

This has been overtaken by the rhetoric of "they're coming for you!^tm^". The exact same playbook that was used by the right-wing. Who wins? The gun manufacturers and war profiteers.

It's amazing to see the collective consciousness just completely glaze over from just a few years ago. If you think you're statistically more likely to be targeted, then it's your right to procure a firearm in the United States and I'll leave it at that. But, if you actually look into it, you'll find you will be put more in danger by having a firearm in the house than not.

You're right about the mental aspect, if you own a firearm and are constantly thinking about it and the threats it can protect you from, you've created your own hellscape that many are already in. It's much safer and better for the community to be involved in your neighbors lives and to form bonds with those close to you in a positive manner. Somehow, everyone's forgotten the examples the rest of the world has set forth and have fallen into Americana again.

I don't own a gun and feel the same as you. I am leaning toward getting a gun safe and keeping the gun and ammo locked up and hidden. If it gathers dust that's great, but having it there if I need it would be a comfort I think.

Take a reputable course and learn about guns. They are dangerous in the hands of irresponsible untrained yokels but if you are smart and informed they can empower you and safeguard your well being.

Guns have traditionally been a pacifier for anxious right-wing weirdos who are afraid of Nancy Pelosi, but they are also a good hedge against those right-wing weirdos and will be a pacifier for your anxiety about them

A thing to maybe consider is to get a subscription at a range and check out a rental firearm to plink on the range. You lose some money in the experience like going to a movie or whatever, but you're not out the full price of the firearm. Then you can decide how you feel. Granted, active fire is much different than object that sits on shelf. They're quite docile when stationary. Even so, it's just psychologically weird normalizing the thought of, "I have a device on this shelf that has only one purpose, to delete life." Sure, hammers, nailguns, knives, etc. can be used for killing, but they have a useful primary purpose. Guns don't.