I still refer to presenting femme as "gay shit" in my head

I had to put active effort into mental word replacement. Was brutal but worth it.

it gets better. on a somewhat related note, i cringe every time i hear my deadname just said to someone or aloud like generally.

i have a fear that someone will recognize me and yell it at me while in a store or somewhere

I'm about 2 months in and I definitely do this, but I also frequently imagine my ideal self as some ridiculous barbarian woman swinging a battleaxe around, like the kind you'd see in Frank Frazetta art.

I'm debating on which one of these is more problematic.