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JD Vance Has Panic Attack After Learning Jesus Was Childless (theshovel.com.au)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 89 points 3 months ago (4 children)

He also had a panic attack over being gay

"I'll never forget the time I convinced myself that I was gay. I was eight or nine, maybe younger, and I stumbled upon a broadcast by some fire-and-brimstone preacher. The man spoke about the evils of homosexuals, how they had infiltrated our society, and how they were all destined for hell absent some serious repenting. At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: I disliked girls, and my best friend in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I'm going to hell."

When he brought up the issue with his grandmother — known to Vance as "Mamaw" — she replied bluntly: "Don't be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you're gay?"

When Vance explained his reasoning, she laughed.

"JD, do you want to suck dicks?" she said, according to the book.

The young Vance, apparently "flabbergasted," said: "Of course not!"

"Then you're not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay," she replied. "God would still love you."

[–] [email protected] 87 points 3 months ago (2 children)

His grandma asked an 8 year old if he liked to suck dick. Totally normal question, right? Like if a Republican asked an 8 year old girl if she liked dick in her mouth that would be normal?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago

Apparently that is normal to republicans. Fucking weirdos.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Who said this was normal?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

JD Vance and Republicans

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Mawmaw sounds cool.

Edit: ok, so, maybe mawmaw was an abusive drunk (I’m in the habit of taking victims at their word, but JD Vance is a prolific liar), but at least she wasn’t a homophobe.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Mawmaw sounds traumatic as fuck and I would have told her flat out I did.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hey at least she said God would still love him. After all, she likes to suck dicks and God loves her, so it figures. And it would be okay. Of course he rejected that part, and decided to stick to furniture coupling.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

How you know Mamaw likes to suck dicks? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

She was an alcoholic who bullied and tormented Vance's mother according to the book. But Vance hates his mother, so he loved Mawmaw for abusing his mom

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Holy shit. See, kids, this is why context is important.

Thanks for filling me in.

Edit: Although I typically accept the victim’s story, it’s hard for me to accept JD Vance’s word on anything. Nonetheless, if he was the victim of abuse, I do feel badly about that, but it’s no excuse for his bigotry.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I had the same problem with masturbation. My religion made a big deal over what a sin it was, and we had no sexual education, so literally the only thing I knew was that it meant touching your own genitals, which I did whenever I needed to scratch or adjust myself. It was panic-inducing and miserable.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I feel things of this sort pushes more people away from religion. I don't personally find that to be a bad thing, but it seems counter-intuitive to their mission

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

lol I love this.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Good, you'll probably be seeing more of it