I tried dating the way most people do but it really doesn't work for me. I've only ever been in relationships with people that have been friends before and trying to make a romantic connection with strangers feels like skipping over several steps. I think unless you just want to hook up, building a foundation of friendship without the expectation of anything else is the way to go. Then you'll at least have friends if the spark never comes. I met someone at an event a few months ago and we flirted super heavily at first but dialed it back and we're just hanging out and getting to know each other right now. Who knows if we'll end up dating but I'd rather have a new friend than a one night stand.

For me, I can't relax enough to be vulnerable around someone unless we already know each other pretty well and I feel safe and comfortable around them. Maybe it would work out better if you gave yourself more time. Try being up front about boundaries and expectations once it gets to the point where you're nervous. Something like, "I like you but I really don't want to rush this. Let's take it slow and work on getting to know each other." If the dude loses interest at this point, you dodged a bullet.