is the bar that low? :brow:
this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
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If you're looking for a roommate then sure this is accurate I guess. But love and romance is a lot more complicated than that. Doing the things listed in this meme is not going to make someone fall in love with you immediately, and you shouldn't expect it to, it's just part of being a self sufficient person. Sure it can be the icing on the cake, or the reason someone may consider dating you over people who don't do these things, and can be a sign of caring and respect that allows love to grow over the long term, but there needs to be done kind of initial spark, attraction or romantic connection. Without that, this just makes you a good roommate.
Also, people (including women obviously) are prepared to deal with a lot of nonsense and what would usually be unacceptable behaviour when it comes from someone that they love and have a connection/chemistry with. If you're young, you'll see this a lot as you get older, and many times it's not worth the trouble to try advise someone to leave their terrible partner, you'll end up being seen as the bad person.
Then there's obviously the conditioning we all go under in living under patriarchy that conditions men and women to behave in certain ways and perform certain tasks. Women aren't a monolith, and there are absolutely women out there (usually socially conservative and religious) who will look down on a man for doing what they view as "women's work". But I guess most people on this website aren't interested in that kind of old fashioned relationship dynamic, and for good reason. I certainly would not want to be in that kind of relationship.
Not a lady though, just my two cents based on what I've seen and experienced as a bisexual man.
Honestly it's sad that this response didn't get any engagement other than some likes. It's on this point that I have a huge issue with leftist discourse. They act like all you need to do is "be a nice person" and suddenly you'll find a date. But as any cis-het guy knows, that doesn't actually work. Like you said, attraction is completely different than just being a decent person.
To people that have said "I was just nice and I got a date/girlfriend/wife" I say this: is there some other factor you aren't aware of? Are you tall, decent looking, etc? Did you grow up with male role models that "taught" you how to flirt? Did you get lucky in high school and build of that experience in a positive feedback cycle? Most people who are successful at dating wouldn't be able to tell you why, even if their life depended on it. It's just the water they swim in (similar to how people who had good circumstances and lucky breaks think that success is just "hard work").
Finally, the whole "just be a nice guy" advice is actually suuuuuper dangerous because a guy is going to be nice, not get any dates, get friendzoned, and then head into the red pill sphere because they are practically the only guys out there that try to give dating advice that isn't your cliche "be yourself" horsefuckshit. And the left doesn't do anyone any favors by saying "you just need to completely change your whole mindset and outlook" while you got all these "a-hole" guys getting success with even "nice girls." The disconnect is gonna make any potential leftist guy do a 180 and head into the red pill sphere. Like you said, even guys who do shitty things will get success in the dating world, so we need to acknowledge that and try to build dating advice around what actually works. Anyway I just wanted to rant about that huge blind spot I see in the left.