zaphodb2002

So. This is something I've never talked to anyone in my real life about, but for whatever reason I'm more comfortable asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice. Deep breath.

I am coming up on 40yo, and since I was 16 I've mostly been in dedicated heterosexual relationships. I have always considered myself a cis male and maybe a little bi but things are... changing rapidly, I guess. I am single for the first time in years all this freedom and time means I'm doing some long overdue introspection. I don't think I've ever been particularly happy with my body or my gender. I am finding myself much more attracted to people with penises, and more importantly, I am finding myself wanting to play a different, more submissive maybe, role in the bedroom. I finally have an opportunity to try new and different things with all sorts of different people, and that's sort of exciting, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing or even what I'm feeling.

I see a lot of trans folks self-actualizing and I'm super happy for them. I envy them for knowing what they want. I don't know what I want and it's driving me a little crazy lately. I would kill to have that level of knowledge of who I wanted to be. I am not a particularly masculine man, but I don't think I feel like I would be more comfortable being more traditionally feminine, though that doesn't necessarily repulse me, either. I would certainly be happier with less body hair. When I was I kid I wanted to be a robot. Now as an adult I maybe just want to be a robot who fucks occasionally, gender irrelevant. Fully functional, you might say. I don't really know what to do with that feeling, though.

Any advice on how to navigate literally any of this would be awesome. I feel like a teenager again, no idea how any of this works or where to even begin. I don't have the knowledge or the language to talk coherently about any of this stuff, and certainly no experience. I am doing my best you guys but all of this is confusing as fuck.

Never in my life have I felt so used by a game. Feels dirty. The video game equivalent of emotional abuse.

5 stars, would recommend.

I assume it has something to do with the sound cancelling. It uses white noise or something, right? I'm running out of nails to test this.

So I'm reading The Art of Game Design: A Book of Lenses by Jesse Schell and I'm quite enjoying it. I don't really have anyone else in my life who shares my game development interests so I thought it might be fun to put together some kind of regular discussion. I've got a pretty long reading list, would nice to have someone to talk to. Thoughts?

So I've been using Linux now for a while, and am looking to migrate my dev environment to vim and spend more time in the command line. I'm fairly comfortable with bash but by no means an expert. I've used zsh with some minor customization but just recently learned about fish. I'd love to hear people's opinions.