Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un Visits Dandong City, Liaoning Province of PRC

Pyongyang, October 25 (KCNA) -- Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un, General Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea and President of the State Affairs of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, visited Dandong City, Liaoning Province of the People's Republic of China and toured the "Memorial Hall of the War to Resist U.S. Aggression and Aid Korea" on October 24 to mark the 76th anniversary of the entry of the Chinese People's Volunteers (CPV) into the Korean front.

The memorial hall is a monument to great friendship that tells forever the sacred and excellent history and invincible unity of the DPRK-China friendship and always brings closer the peoples of the two countries, who forged their genuine comradely relations and militant friendship through the realization of the common ideal for socialism and the bloody struggle against the imperialist aggression and have creditably carried forward and developed them century after century and generation after generation.

Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un was accompanied by Jo Yong Won, member of the Presidium of the Political Bureau and secretary of the C.C., WPK, Choe Son Hui, foreign minister of the DPRK, Ri Il Hwan and Kim Song Nam, secretaries of the C.C., WPK, Kim Tok Hun, first vice-premier of the DPRK Cabinet, Kim Yo Jong, department director of the C.C., WPK, Kim Jae Ryong, first vice department director of the C.C., WPK, and other senior Party and government officials and Ri Ryong Nam, DPRK ambassador to China.

Wang Huning, member of the Standing Committee of the Political Bureau of the C.C., Communist Party of China and chairman of the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, was on the spot to greet Comrade Kim Jong Un who visited the historic place where the CPV was dispatched and the friendship and unity of the two countries began.

Also present there were Wang Yi, member of the Political Bureau and director of the Office of the Foreign Affairs Commission of the CPC Central Committee and minister of Foreign Affairs, Liu Haixing, head of the International Liaison Department of the CPC Central Committee, Ma Zhaoxu, executive vice-minister of Foreign Affairs, Xu Kunlin, secretary of the Liaoning Provincial Committee of the CPC, Jiang Bing, secretary of the Dandong City Committee of the CPC, and other leading cadres in central and local areas of China and Wang Yajun, Chinese ambassador to the DPRK.

Comrade Kim Jong Un exchanged warm greetings with Wang Huning and cadres of the Chinese side.

A cute child presented a fragrant bouquet to Comrade Kim Jong Un who visited a frontier city of the PRC and a large number of children welcomed the head of state of the DPRK, waving the national flags of the DPRK and China.

Comrade Kim Jong Un expressed deep thanks for the enthusiastic welcome.

There was a ceremony of laying a flower basket at the Monument to Resisting America and Aiding Korea.

The national anthems of the DPRK and the PRC were played solemnly.

The flower basket was laid before the monument to pay respects to the great annals and history and remember the undying feats of the CPV officers and men.

Written on the ribbon of the flower basket were the letters reading: "The fallen soldiers of the Chinese People's Volunteers will be remembered forever. Kim Jong Un, General Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea and President of the State Affairs of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea".

Comrade Kim Jong Un paid tribute to the fallen soldiers of the CPV.

He said that the DPRK people would remember forever the glorious years when they fought together with the Chinese people and convey the eternal thanks to the Chinese people for helping our revolution at the cost of their blood generation after generation.

He went round the "Memorial Hall of the War to Resist U.S. Aggression and Aid Korea", guided by Wang Huning.

Looking at the data and lots of exhibits vividly showing the great history, Comrade Kim Jong Un said that the memorial hall is a precious blood-stained verification of the invincible DPRK-China friendship. He affirmed the will of our Party, government and people to remember and defend forever the wonderful history in which the two countries went through the ordeals and firmly carry forward the invincible DPRK-China friendship forged at the cost of blood all the time.

Comrade Kim Jong Un presented a historic plaque with the photograph of the great leader Comrade Kim Il Sung on it in commemoration of his visit to the memorial hall.

Comrade Kim Jong Un wrote the letters on the plaque reading: "Righteous soul and spirit that defended peace are alive in the great picture of history.

I pay eternal thanks and respects to the fallen soldiers of the Chinese People's Volunteers, respectfully remembering their traces that connected the boundaries of the two countries with one territory. Kim Jong Un 2026. 10. 24".

After the visit, Comrade Kim Jong Un had a warm conversation with Wang Huning.

He said that it is a natural duty and obligation to remember the great years and history in reverence at the place where the CPV martyrs were dispatched, adding that it was a moment to recollect the preciousness of the DPRK-China friendship forged at the cost of blood. We will always remember the history when the excellent sons and daughters of the Chinese people helped our revolution at the cost of their blood and steadily and firmly carry forward the history of the DPRK-China friendship, he noted. And he extended thanks to esteemed Comrade General Secretary Xi Jinping for paying special and meticulous attention to his visit and asked to convey his warm greetings and best wishes to Comrade Xi Jinping and expressed deep thanks for the warm hospitality accorded by Dandong City and Liaoning Province.

Saying that the high international prestige and dignity of the People's Republic of China today are due result of the efforts and struggle of the Chinese people under the wise leadership of the Communist Party of China with Comrade Xi Jinping as its core, Comrade Kim Jong Un stated that the remarkable successes of the socialist neighbor are inspiring the Korean people in their struggle.

Courteously conveying the friendly greetings and best wishes of Comrade General Secretary Xi Jinping to Comrade General Secretary Kim Jong Un, Wang Huning said that Comrade General Secretary Kim Jong Un's visit to Dandong City and the "Memorial Hall of the War to Resist U.S. Aggression and Aid Korea" on the significant occasion of the 76th anniversary of the CPV's entry into the Korean front is of great significance in steadily carrying forward and developing the traditional China-DPRK friendship and militant fraternity.

Wang Huning hosted a reception in welcome of Comrade Kim Jong Un's visit to the PRC on the special instruction of Comrade Xi Jinping.

The reception proceeded in a friendly and comradely atmosphere.

That day, Comrade Kim Jong Un visited the Dandong City Bus Factory.

He was greeted by a leading official of the factory.

The workers of the factory warmly welcomed Comrade Kim Jong Un's visit to their workplace.

Comrade Kim Jong Un went round various places of the factory to see different kinds of products.

Wishing the factory with glorious history and potentiality greater success, he sent sincere encouragement to the technical group and workers of the factory for their unremitting innovations and efforts.

He crossed the DPRK-China Amnok River Bridge to return home.

Wang Huning, member of the Standing Committee of the Political Bureau of the C.C., CPC and chairman of the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, and other leading cadres in central and local areas of China accompanied Comrade Kim Jong Un to the middle point of the bridge to see him off.

Comrade Kim Jong Un was seen off by lovely children.

Comrade Kim Jong Un asked Wang Huning to convey his warm greetings to esteemed Comrade General Secretary Xi Jinping.

Enjoying a bird's-eye view at the middle point of the newly-inaugurated bridge, Comrade Kim Jong Un expressed expectation that the bridge would undoubtedly and correctly fulfill its historic mission of linking the two countries and firmly joining the minds of the peoples of the two countries.

Comrade Kim Jong Un had a photo taken with Wang Huning on the bridge and exchanged farewells with leading cadres of the Chinese side.

Comrade Kim Jong Un sincerely hoped that the Chinese party and government would carry on the course of the rapid development of the PRC with better and plentiful successes under the experienced and seasoned leadership of Comrade Xi Jinping.

Comrade Kim Jong Un's visit to the People's Republic of China on the occasion of the 76th anniversary of the Chinese People's Volunteers' entry into the Korean front will be recorded in history as a significant occasion of clearly showing the invariability and invincibility of the DPRK-China friendship and solidarity strong with the most genuine bloody ties and true comradely relations. -0-

http://kcna.kp/en/article/detail/922c67bdd9f34fe580d343563b85a42e (39 photos)

The photos show Kim visiting a locations in China such as monuments, museum, a government meeting room, and what looks like a Chinese bus factory.

https://archive.is/zN9lE

Stallone claps back at the critics of his daughter's casting. "First they go, 'Nepotism is terrible.' I said, 'Oh please, you're not a good parent if you haven't performed a little nepotism. Then obviously you don't care about your kids, because they come first,'" Stallone says. "'Of course it's nepotism, you idiot. That's why we're parents. We want the best for our children. So obviously we let them have every advantage.'"

The proud dad has one nonnegotiable caveat: The kid still has to earn it.

"Can they maintain that level of excellence? That's out of our hands," Stallone says. "But if you can open the door, we'll see if they have the ability to go through it. People will say, 'She got that job, it's too easy.' You're right. Perhaps it could be. But to maintain that, to be in front of millions of people, you either got it or you don't."

Brown Bear-Ryongnim, Natural Monument of DPRK

Pyongyang, October 21 (KCNA) -- The Rangnim Mountains situated in Ryongnim and Rangnim counties of Jagang Province of the DPRK have high peaks including Wagal Peak (2 260m above sea level) and Mts Kosokgol and Pakdal.

This area, more than 1 400 metres above sea level, is one of the typical areas of the distribution of brown bears in the country because of its thick forests and abundant food resources.

The brown bear-Ryongnim is an omnivorous animal.

The bear is 150-180 cm long and the larger one is 200 cm.

It weighs about 180-250 kg.

It breeds every two or three years.

It litters one or five cubs.

The colors of fur of the bears vary according to zones and seasons, but most of them are dark brown or black.

They hibernate in rock caves, hollowed trees and burrows in fallen trees.

The time to hibernate is about November and the time to awake from hibernation is about April. The bears do not leave the fixed habitats.

The brown bear-Ryongnim is registered as a natural monument and protected under the national care. -0-

http://kcna.kp/en/article/detail/8c87f3d9c0582cbad499cd23b5220588

https://archive.is/oYCMJ

Department Director of C.C., WPK Kim Yo Jong Sends Warning Repeatedly to ROK Side

Pyongyang, October 22 (KCNA) -- Kim Yo Jong, department director of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, sent another following warning at dawn of Oct. 22 as regards the fact that the special assistant to the defense policy of Chongwadae of the ROK let loose officious response on Oct. 21:

The shameless, ignorant, unreasonable and illogical under-wits who shift the responsibility for shedding blood in their self-made suspicious accident onto the other and impudently interfere in the other's work of fencing the house are picking a quarrel with our just measure. The way of provoking a quarrel is run through with "absurd assertion", as they did in the past.

Such "false play" may continue for the time being.

This is because a frightened dog can keep up its appearance of rat-tailed face when it barks.

I had already dealt with the Moon Jae In and Yoon Suk Yeol regimes, but I have never seen such foolish and miserable guys like those who get on the present regime's "cart".

The officials of Chongwadae and the government are all stereotyped idiots.

Through this, we can know frailty and immaturity of the Lee Jae Myung government.

The special assistant to the defense policy of Chongwadae should not talk incoherently but shut his mouth at once.

He, a small fry, is irresponsibly talking without knowing the meaning of the words that the thief calls "stop thief".

The words that the thief calls "stop thief" are suitable for the men who did not fire a bullet, not those who opened fire and talk about provocation.

In fact, it is a very dirty thing to respond to the disgraceful behavior of such guys, but I declare once again upon authorization.

Within the territory where our sovereignty is exercised, the project for fortifying the southern border will be surely and successfully continued according to our purposes.

If the project for fortifying the southern border is completed, the danger of military conflict between the DPRK and the ROK will be considerably lowered and many complicated problems will be solved.

We are not committing a "provocation" but taking just reaction.

I warn those who are interfering in the work of repairing the fence of other's home and crying out for "military counteraction", carried away by ill-advised bravery.

If they make a "mistake" wittingly or unwittingly for a moment with morbid ill-advised bravery, they will have to be prepared for everything.

Everything will be broken, crushed and collapsed terribly.

Our new responsive means will be put on alert in all parts of the southern border and the loudspeakers against the ROK will be on standby in a matter of days.

If they continue to wag their tongue, cast a damper on and insist obstinately on, the present ruling authorities will face the most horrible and distressing situation.

This is not a threat but a clear warning.

Time will prove this.

I warn once again that they should grasp the situation well and make proper speech. -0-

http://kcna.kp/en/article/detail/a85ee3316084c5e24a9425a23d8b1cf8

https://archive.is/zflaN

related post https://hexbear.net/post/9846686

KPA Marshal Pak Jong Chon Inspects Southern Border under Fortification

Pyongyang, October 21 (KCNA) -- KPA Marshal Pak Jong Chon, advisor to the Ministry of National Defence of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, inspected pivotal positions of the southern border under fortification on October 20.

He was accompanied by Ri Il Hwan, secretary of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, Kim Yo Jong, department director of the WPK Central Committee, and major commanding officers of the General Staff of the Korean People's Army.

KPA Marshal Pak Jong Chon acquainted himself with the progress in the fortification project for permanently closing the border and gave pep talks to the service personnel dedicating themselves to the historic struggle for fortifying the border of the country in the face of enemy threats and obstructions.

He clarified the following important stand as regards the serious enemy provocation to disturb the DPRK's exercise of sovereignty taking place in its territory.

"Now those rogues are seeking to invent an excuse for provocation, finding fault with the on-going fortification project, our army's regular undertaking for strengthening the border. They insist that our service personnel 'crossed the borderline' but this is just deliberate, premeditated and absurd assertion to shift the blame for the ever-worsening situation onto us, prompted by a black-hearted purpose.

Our army knows where our borderline is better than any others and we are doing what we should do in our territory.

Officers and soldiers, turn the borderline into an impregnable fortress proudly.

If the enemy troops make a provocation actually threatening the safety of our service personnel in the wake of warning loudspeaker blaring and shots, you should never pardon them but launch prompt and resolute action. It is not a time to merely engage in a war of words.

The border forces of the DPRK must take very proficient, specialized and overwhelming military action in response to the reckless moves of the hideous enemy."

Noting that it is most important to take proactive measures for thoroughly protecting the lives and safety of our service personnel, he stressed that now is the time to organize the firepower strong enough to strike terror into the enemy's heart.

Department Director of the C.C., WPK Kim Yo Jong said as follows:

"Our military leadership underlined the need to make those rogues aware that our new firepower units have taken their firing positions.

Our head of state issued an order to fortify the border with an enemy state to be eternally impregnable, noting that there will be never ever compromise in exercising our territorial sovereignty.

This is a 'sacred and great undertaking' for putting an end to the history written in a wrong way for a very long time.

Our army should thoroughly implement the instruction of our head of state on fulfilling this historic mission.

Nothing can stem the historical process of the fortification of the DPRK's southern border." -0-

http://kcna.kp/en/article/detail/741baeee83ce6fe656c998aa0dead303

https://archive.is/323zF

Press Statement of Kim Yo Jong, Department Director of C.C., WPK

Pyongyang, October 21 (KCNA) -- Kim Yo Jong, department director of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, released the following press statement on Oct. 21:

Today I inspected the border together with Marshal Pak Jong Chon.

The Korean Central News Agency misreported the date in its article.

I inspected several places of the border early this morning, not yesterday.

The border has been clearly blocked and turned into a fortress more thoroughly.

This clearly proves that the history miswritten by us for a long time is being corrected and the current and future security of the DPRK guaranteed qualitatively.

Our head of state stressed that it is a terrible tragedy that the DPRK borders the most despicable and disgusting enemy in the world and, therefore, the border should be a permanent line never to be crossed.

Our army is carrying out a crucial and great undertaking in the face of the enemy's persistent threats.

A great history of peace will soon begin.

If the border is fortified, the danger of military conflict in this area will undoubtedly be eliminated.

The armed rogues committed provocative warning loudspeaker blaring and shots again in at least two spots today.

Our tactical hunting teams are taking new positions, and within October, the loudspeakers for psychological warfare against the ROK will be in operation along the whole border.

This is the most just measure and appropriate response.

Let us suppose that we open responsive fire on the enemy as a warning in the case like today.

The situation along the border will escalate into an unimaginably terrible phase.

We gird ourselves thoroughly for contingence, exercising great restraint.

If the enemy's warning shot provocation results in doing actual harm to the our territorial security and our service persons' safety, going beyond the level of warning, our border guards will show no mercy for the armed gangsters bereft of reason. -0-

http://kcna.kp/en/article/detail/207188e61f62372d46fa4357627f9b94

https://archive.is/ULONX

SEOUL, Oct 21 (Reuters) - Some North Korean websites appear to have ​been experiencing intermittent outages, analysts ‌said on Wednesday.

Here are the details:

More than 40 official sites ​using the country's .kp domain, ​including those of the foreign ⁠ministry and state news ​agency KCNA, were inaccessible or ​unstable on Tuesday, South Korea's Yonhap News Agency reported.

Network monitoring service ​Telecom Observer said it ​detected nearly six hours of disruptions in North ‌Korea's ⁠Border Gateway Protocol routing infrastructure from 1810 to 2350 GMT on Tuesday.

Analysts also ​observed intermittent ​outages ⁠on Wednesday, though many websites, such as ​KCNA and newspaper Rodong ​Sinmun, ⁠were accessible by 0043 GMT.

The cause has not been ⁠publicly ​attributed, analysts said.

North ​Korea's internet has suffered disruptions before.

Over the past week, there has been reports that numerous US politicians have received the same mysterious letter.

The characteristics of the letter are as follows:

• Return address says DSA with an address that Democratic Socialist's of America does not use
• Post Office mark says San Antonio Texas
• Several reports say that the letter contains white powder
• At least one report says that the powder was identified as harmless

I haven't seen the media do real investigating into this incident.

I would like to create an archived list of public statements published by US politicians. For example, if the politician has tweeted or made a press statement about a mysterious letter in the past week. Some have even posted photos of the letter.

There are 435 congress members and 100 senators. If you know of any public statements, please post a link in a comment.

Please share public information only. No private info, gossip, etc.

Examples:

MA Rep Seth Molten

https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/seth-moulton-congress-suspicious-mail/

http://web.archive.org/web/20261020204952/https://moulton.house.gov/news/press-releases/statement-office-congressman-moulton-regarding-suspicious-letter-received-mail

VA Rep Vindman

https://nitter.click/RepVindman/status/2111222038216179791#m

https://web.archive.org/web/20261020205624/https://vindman.house.gov/2026/10/16/vindman-releases-statement-after-suspicious-package-sent-to-district-office/

ME Rep Pingree

https://nitter.click/chelliepingree/status/2112201038853705963#m

This is a related thread I posted 4 days ago
https://hexbear.net/post/9810960

https://nltimes.nl/2026/10/19/dutch-pm-jetten-fiance-nicolas-keenan-expecting-baby-via-surrogate-2027

Prime Minister Rob Jetten and his fiancé Nicolás Keenan are expecting a baby in the spring of 2027. They are having a child with the help of a surrogate mother, Keenan wrote on social media.

Jetten is the first postwar Dutch prime minister to have a child while in office. In recent decades, Dutch prime ministers have generally already been fathers before taking office. On top of that, Jetten is also the first openly gay prime minister, as well as the first one to have a child with the help of a surrogate mother.

The pregnancy was arranged through “a friendly couple who already have children,” a D66 statement read. Both the egg donor and the surrogate mother are Dutch. The arrangement is not commercial, as both women are Jetten’s and Keenan’s acquaintances “who said they are glad to help the two fathers-to-be realize their wish.”

“Someone very special is on the way. See you in 2027, little one,” Nicolás Keenan wrote on Instagram. “We are incredibly grateful to our egg donor, our surrogate mother Lisa, and both of their families. None of this would have been possible without you.” He repeated the same message in Dutch, Spanish, and English.

“We are incredibly grateful that, thanks to two wonderful women, we now have the chance to make our big dream come true,” PM Jetten said. He added that the surrogate mother and the baby are doing well. “That is, of course, the most important thing right now. We urgently appeal to everyone to respect the privacy of those involved.”

Surrogate mother Lisa also made a statement. “I grew up in a warm and loving home and now have a fantastic family of my own,” she said in the D66 statement. “With the unconditional support of our loved ones, surrogacy feels like a very special way to help make our dear friends’ dream come true.”

Hunter Schafer has undergone bottom surgery, the “Euphoria” star revealed.

“I just had bottom surgery in December, which was amazing, and I love it so much,” Schafer told Elle magazine, referring to the gender-affirming operation that alters a person’s genitals to align with their gender identity.

“For a long time I’ve embraced the gender-expansive part of myself, and I really wanted to try to make that previous body work, because I thought there was something really cool and badass about it,” she said. But, according to Elle, Schafer described “hitting a wall again and again where this theoretical queer utopia didn’t match up with the world she encountered every day, and the way she personally wanted to show up in it.” And so while every trans person is different, a medical transition was the right decision for Schafer.

Schafer described that ability to evolve as the “magical thing about queerness” — that “on an ideological level, it’s about possibility and expansion and growth, and being on that journey and finding yourself.” While she had always viewed her gender identity as more fluid, she has now landed somewhere “flatter,” she described. “I’m a woman. I’m a girl,” she said. Coming to that conclusion required Schafer to wrestle with queerness as a philosophy “versus how it applies and works in real life, in the context of the world that we’re living in.” She said, “I feel like there’s always a tension there.”

Schafer described her recovery from bottom surgery in early 2026, noting that she rented a big apartment and had friends and family visit while she was required to lie flat. “I think my limit was 150 steps per day, which is nothing,” she said of her doctor’s orders.

Schafer, who will next be seen opposite Michelle Yeoh in the Amazon miniseries “Blade Runner 2099,” spoke a couple of years ago about not wanting her identity to overshadow her work, saying she herself had tried to avoid saying the word “trans” during interviews. “It has not just happened naturally by any means. If I let it happen, it would still be giving ‘Transsexual Actress’ before every article ever,” Schafer told GQ in 2024.

“As soon as I say it, it gets blastoff,” she added about when the word “trans” comes up in her interviews. “It took a while to learn that and it also took a while to learn that I don’t want to be [reduced to] that, and I find it ultimately demeaning to me and what I want to do. Especially after high school, I was sick of talking about it. I worked so hard to get to where I am, past these really hard points in my transition, and now I just want to be a girl and finally move on.”

Schafer acknowledged in that interview that “it’s a privilege” to be able to shift focus beyond her gender identity, saying: “It’s been very intentional. I’ve gotten offered tons of trans roles, and I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know for a fact that I’m one of the most famous trans people in media right now, and I do feel a sense of responsibility, and maybe a little bit of guilt, for not being more of a spokesperson,” Schafer concluded. “But ultimately, I really do believe that not making it the centerpiece to what I’m doing will allow me to get further. And I think getting further and doing awesome shit, in the interest of ‘the movement,’ will be way more helpful than talking about it all the time.”

Schafer’s first acting rule was Jules in the HBO smash hit “Euphoria,” which made her a celebrity — and a role model for trans people — in her early 20s. Her other roles include “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” and the Neon horror movie “Cuckoo.”

https://redlib.catsarch.com/r/PoursTea/comments/1xa2j8o/our_culture_wars_explained/

the image is AI generated.

the post is on the front page of /r/all.

Ryuwon Shoes Favored by DPRK People

Pyongyang, October 18 (KCNA) -- Among the light industrial products favored by our people are Ryuwon shoes.

The Ryuwon Footwear Factory produces well-designed and light sports shoes, drawing popularity among customers, especially students and other young people.

According to Kim Yun Sil, manager of the factory, the light canvas sports shoes are made for comfort by making an efficient ventilation system with holes and grooves on very elastic and light plastic soles.

The products are associated with the devoted efforts of respected Comrade Kim Jong Un to provide the people with quality consumer goods.

One day in October 2017, he visited the remodeled Ryuwon Footwear Factory. He praised the factory for producing a variety of well-designed and quality sports shoes, saying that he is very gratifying to think of the people, children and sportspersons who would be pleased with home-made sports shoes.

He stressed the need to produce impeccable shoes to be appreciated by the people as the factory has turned into a model and standard one in the field of footwear industry of the DPRK.

The factory has completed over 1 500 designs and developed over 1 000 kinds of new products while studying the global trend of development in the footwear industry and examining the principle of technical engineering of excellent products.

In the days when it conducted production and management activities, regarding the demand and assessment of the people as a standard, the factory won the titles of the Double Three-Revolution Red Flag, the Double "Lathe No. 26" Model Machine Price and the double model technical innovation unit. And Ryuwon shoes products were highly appreciated at national shoes exhibitions and other exhibitions. -0-

http://kcna.kp/en/article/detail/e4b8e87f49c35106e7bd0e917150200c

https://archive.is/CCPLd

A comedian’s modest proposals for the Democratic Socialists of America

October 17, 2026 | By Larry David

I recently attended a meeting of the Democratic Socialists of America, where I officially enrolled as a member. Though I was new to the party, I put forth a number of proposals, many of which were met with considerable enthusiasm and, I’m happy to report, have now been incorporated into their manifesto. I present them herein.

1. Let’s never forget we’re all in this together. Therefore, we have determined that all doors to private homes must remain unlocked at all times. Strangers may enter as they please to open your fridge, use your bathroom, floss, or just relax and watch a ball game. This open-door policy is the perfect way to get to know our fellow Americans.
2. Our open-door policy will also be extended to our borders, where anyone will be able to enter our country if they choose to do so and will be welcomed by a marching band, performing a medley of John Philip Sousa Americana classics. Now that’s how you make a person feel at home!
3. We contend that the only way anyone can be rehabilitated is through the simple act of love. When the D.S.A. takes over, it will be our policy to close the jails and release all prisoners. Once released, the former prisoners will continue to walk around in their orange jumpsuits, the easier to spot them. People will be encouraged to give them a pat on the back, offer some words of encouragement, and maybe even get them to open up about their crimes. Imagine how upsetting it must be to know you’ve taken a life! To err is human, to forgive, divine. With empathy and compassion, it’s easy to see a day when these former convicts will be contributing to society in a very meaningful way.
4. In our Socialist America, everyone will be so fulfilled spiritually and financially that the police department will be dramatically reduced to where an officer’s only job will be to adjudicate domestic disputes. Toward that end, stands will be set up at local farmers markets, where they will work to resolve marital issues in a folksy, farm-to-table manner. Fresh berries will be provided.
5. There are individuals who feel a deep, psychological or spiritual identity as non-human animals and often wear costumes called “fur suits.” These individuals will have license to relieve themselves wherever they choose to do so, without shame or harassment. Poop-bag dispensers will be placed throughout every city and in all public establishments, along with scratching posts.

“Stands will be set up at local farmers markets, where police officers will work to resolve marital issues in a folksy, farm-to-table manner. Fresh berries will be provided.”

6. The loss of a dog can be devastating and, in some cases, worse than even when a human passes. Recognizing that, we at the D.S.A. will institute a three-week bereavement period during which pet mourners will continue to receive full work compensation. This benefit will also apply to the loss of a cat, turtle, parakeet, or goldfish. For certain farm animals, such as chickens, donkeys, goats, and pigs, the bereavement period will be reduced to two weeks. Conversely, if you are the proud owner of a new pet, you’ll be granted a two-week paternity leave to bond with, house-train, and teach it commands. You’d be surprised what a goldfish can do if you get them early.
7. In an effort to make amends for centuries of slavery, reparations will be instituted, along with a lottery system in which white people will be selected to serve as slaves to Black families for one year. Lashings are encouraged for excessive whining, and government-issued whips will be distributed at no cost.
8. We’re not above using great ideas that have been implemented successfully in other countries. One of them that we’re very excited about is the siesta for the workingman. There will be two siestas every business day, the first from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m., and another one in the afternoon, from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. Employers will be required to provide cots.
9. The D.S.A. has great respect for religious traditions. Because of our burgeoning Muslim population, we want to take all measures to give these people a strong sense of belonging in America. Along those lines, we’ll require that all Caucasian women wear a hijab on weekends in solidarity with their Muslim sisters. In addition, Jews will no longer be allowed to refer to themselves as “the Chosen People.” Henceforth, their new nickname will be “the Bagel People.”
10. We strongly believe in a two-state solution. To this end, we propose that Palestinians should be given all the land currently occupied by Israel and that Israel should be given Pitcairn Island in the South Pacific, where the weather is beautiful and grapefruits are aplenty. We think the Bagel People will be very happy there.
11. Firing is prohibited in Socialist America. The only way anyone will be able to replace a worker is to trade them to another company, like they do in professional sports. The worker will also have a “no trade” clause in their contract so it can be voided if they choose to do so.
12. We Democratic Socialists love to laugh … but not at the expense of others. The last thing we want is for any person to be offended by a joke that targets them or someone they know. No one should ever have their feelings hurt. Consequently, any comedian who is responsible for causing emotional discomfort in any way will be sent to a facility where they will be re-programmed and hopefully emerge with a greater awareness of the sensitivities of their fellow citizens. If, however, the re-programming is unsuccessful, the repeat offender will be sent to Pitcairn Island to live with the Bagel People.

Well, there you have it. We’re very excited about the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead. Our ideals can be summed up by a great philosopher who once said, “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” We hope you’ll consider joining.