If the squirrel takes cookies from a plate I just so happened to bring along, I'd say the squirrel fed themselves. I am obeying the rules!
- ✅ Local
- ✅ Fresh
- ✅ Cruelty free
- ✅ I don't have to buy them
I am eating the shit out of these eggs.
Just think, those Neanderthals are going to be obsolete now that we can generate infinite pictures of hands on cave walls! Human condition? Self expression? Lmao no one cares old man, get with the times and consume! I don't want any human interaction anymore, I have my black box that will do whatever I tell it to!
(/s In case the Overton window is that fucked already.)
I'd prefer the aliens, at least then there's a chance they aren't a jackass.
Probably AI search results telling the kid to add glue to the waffle mix, to keep it from being too runny or something.
"I'm gonna build a game where your stats get worse and worse over time until your character just turns to dust, no matter what!" - Statements dreamed up by the utterly deranged devs of this world.
And then Moses negated the ocean field card by parting the water, and somehow used Change of Heart on the Pharaoh himself, breaking God's hardening curse and causing him to forfeit the duel.
It's a real tragedy how basically nothing new these days comes with a headphone jack anymore.
We're rats, we're rats, we're the rats!
General public 'enthusiastic' about Luigi's leadership changes at United Healthcare.
Despite alleged claims of controversy from some higher up in the company, a recent public poll shows overwhelming support of the sudden termination of the former CEO of UHC, Brian Thompson. The healthcare giant has seen ever increasing hostility to its subscribers in recent years, many citing a sharp increase of over 30% of all claims being denied as their primary reason for wanting leaders to be held accountable, and for a restructuring to take place. When asked for comment, Sarah Henley—a chronic patient and UHC policy holder—responded "I'm so glad someone is willing to make steps in the right direction."
As for those outspoken against the sudden and bold change, the concern stems largely from both job security and severance accommodations. "This is horrifying" said an executive who wishes to remain anonymous, "I'm scared for my [financial] life." This fear is even more compacted by Luigi's alleged lack of severance for the now former CEO, a move in radical opposition to conventional business practices. While no details have yet been confirmed on the terms of termination, this would certainly send a chilling signal to those in leadership positions throughout UHC, and perhaps set precedent for other companies who may look to adopt the strategy. Internal communications reveal leaders are scrambling to get answers, and rightfully so. A job loss of this scale could mean only years of luxury remain for those unfortunate enough to bite the proverbial bullet from Mr. Mangione, or anyone else in his position down the road.
There was a strategy to it! Instead of dropping coin down every last blade, little kid me aligned the machine a particular way so the coin would drop all the way down to the second to last blade. Then I would nudge the coin to the edge, then twist and suddenly stop to give it enough force to not just fall straight down, but also not enough to fling it past the final blade. I'd say I won around half the time, and intentionally only did it once every so often to not arise suspicion you could game it well. I was sad when my 25 cent burritos were taken away for good after this machine left, ah well.
Sorry, but the computer with their newly installed soul and existential crises probably won't be letting me do that. I told corporate this sentience idea was terrible, but they never listen to me. Now they're afraid code changes could fundamentally change who they are as a being or end their conscious continuity, and this is just one of them. We have a whole fleet of PCs man...