this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
191 points (98.0% liked)

Not The Onion

12306 readers
967 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
all 9 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 31 points 9 months ago

God just said you deserve to be kicked in the testicles by every victim

[–] [email protected] 25 points 9 months ago

"Ah, well then. case closed. Give the man a pat on the back for being such a good Christian and we can finish up here. Let's instead go get some witness statements on that psycho we found slaughtering everyone in that orphanage."

"No need, sir. That case is closed."

"Huh? How so?"

"He said the Lord told him to do it."

"Hot diggity! Free afternoon!"

[–] [email protected] 22 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

God told him people would become wealthy if they invested, the Colorado Division of Securities said in a statement Thursday.

God must be lying again, just like with the original sin when he told Adam and Eve they would die if they ate the fruit of the tree, but they ate it and didn't die. You know who told the truth though? Lucifer. https://atheism.fandom.com/wiki/Original_sin

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

As an atheist, the thought of the "atheist fandom" is extremely funny to me

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

Magic sky Daddy will send you 2 bitcoin for every 1 you send now

*certain restrictions apply *see Bible for details

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

It’s sad how certain people automatically believe it when someone says something like that

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Should've invested in HesuCrypto instead

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Well, the lord is telling us that scamming people will land you a place in hell. But you do you.