Nah.

I can relate deeply. Eventually with old friends I do power through, but IDK how

The only way I can break the cycle is by diving in and clearing backlog periodically. Then realizing it wasn't half as difficult to tackle them as I'd imagined. Then the cycle begins again. With it, the sense of guilt and dread.

I used to feel bad about this in the age of email. I would try to stay on top of my comms but at some point I realised I was dedicating a vast amount of time to a job that was never finished. I stopped using email entirely about ten years ago and I never think twice about it. I reasoned if it can be done for email it can be done for any type of message. I rarely open letters or text messages or watch adverts. I don't want to clutter my mind by living in a world of concepts that are defined by other people and I feel better for it.

I'm going for like a "this person is a rockstar, too busy to notice every email" angle. Sorry, I just made $X for the company by doing [part I actually like].

It actually has a name it’s called task activation avoidance. We want to ignore it as long as possible because the minute we open it it becomes another responsibility we have to remember and complete. I struggle with this a lot but what helps is if I tackle them one at a time. I block off time out of my day to open them one at a time and try to complete it 100% whether that’s simply responding back or getting the person an answer. I definitely don’t always get them all but I do get a bit of dopamine from the feeling of completing one of them so there’s that.

Oh yeah. And the anxiety too. I have bills I can pay and I keep forgetting because of anxiety. It's not that I can't pay them. I hate looking at how much money I have or don't have. It's not healthy to my wellbeing.

I'm blessed I make good money that I don't have to look at my bank account.

Something I’ve been working on in therapy is “microavoidances” where you keep ignoring small things to the point your brain is wiring itself to think the small task you’re avoiding is actually a big problem. Just recognize when you’re doing it, see if the discomfort of checking is worse than the discomfort of continuing to avoid it. But really, it’s just practice doing the tasks you’re avoiding until you build up a tolerance

"Hey sorry, looks like this fell through the cracks..."

Omg its crippling. This is why you don't bully neurodivergent kids.

Has anyone found a strategy that works for this?

I work from home. So I scream, hit the desktop, run around my office, kick my chairs. I can make as much noise as I want as I'm totally alone. That puts me in a different mind state, I presume because I got my adrenaline levels up, and I can open the fucking email. Yes I look like a crazy man, and maybe I am, and it makes me hate myself a little more, but it works. Most times at least.

guilt is a core part of the game loop that is my ADHD life

I've had a BS email job for about ten years now, and I can honestly say that if it was actually important, they'd have emailed again. And if they should have? Hurray, everyone dropped the ball! You get to swoop in and say "hey, just going over some old emails - we addressed this, right?" Framing plays a big role in how people respond to late follow-ups.

This is one of the reasons I stopped talking to an autistic girl I knew in collage

Nope. Marshall McLuhan said "the medium is the message" E-mails and texts are designed as asynchronous, meaning you'll get to it when you get to it. If it was important it would have been a phone call or a meeting.

Knowing you have ADHD means never apologizing for getting to it when you get around to it.

No worries comrade!

https://emaildebtforgiveness.me/

I definitely used to feel that way but dealing with that at work has forced me to overcome it I think. I will still respond to an ancient personal message but with apologies.

All the fucking time…

Most of them is the result of “I’ll do it later” and then never get around to do it. Other times it’s because I don’t have the mental capacity to do it right now, but then feel too guilty to open the message when my head is right.

Absolutely. It’s always family too.

Yes. What works for me is to differentiate between reading a message and replying to it. I made myself a rule "fuck it, now im gonna just read the message and only then i decide whether i want to respond or not". Usually when I open the message I get motivation to respond it. If I don't want to respond still after reading then I tell the person that I will respond later and then think why I didn't want to respond. Is it boring? Is it my low energy? Is it that the person I'm speaking to is not comfy? If its because of them, I try to talk about it like look im sorry i know that youd like to speak about X but im not really enjoying these things so lets do something about it. Or just cut the communication if Im not interested in this person anymore

I'm usually pretty good at opening them as soon as I notice then, but if it was from a while ago, and it wasn't a question that REALLY needs an answer, I probably won't respond.