Leave. Straight up irish goodbye. There’ll be more parties if you don’t have a rep for literally smelling like shit. Toss the underwear on the way home.

This didn't happen to me.

Imagine OP in the broom closet with shit-stained pants while the party's roaring outside

Do you also need to know how to get a small cylinder unstuck from an M&Ms tube?

Hop in the shower, steal some pants from a drawer.

Um, are you ok, OP?

Drop shit in toilet, wash underwear in sink, hair dryer underwear dry, and continue to party like a professional alcoholic

Well, if I was Donald Trump, I'd blame Biden.

Take a shower and wash the pants in the shower. Shit is water-soluble, that is to say it can dissolve in water. I think there may be some oil in it but it soups wash out. What doesn’t go down the shower drain, move by hand to the toilet and wash your hands.

Now you have wet pants. In the northern hemisphere it’s still summer, so they should dry relatively quickly outside. Play it off somehow. Be the guy or gal who fell in the pool.

Depends how drunk and if I maybe have a chance with making out.

First instinct would be go to restroom, remove my underwear and throw them in the trashcan, wipe myself and use any fragrance I can find. Next grab a beer and say someone threw their dirty underwear in the bathroom trash.

Take off your pants, and use the shit to write an apology letter on the wall... Then leave the house with no pants on, clutching the poop. Remember to put dots of shit behind you just in case you get lost on your way home, or if that hot person at the party wants to follow you home. Your sent is strong, I'm quite sure someone will be motivated enough to follow the obvious signs of seduction you're dripping.

Declare myself Miles Davis.

Insufficient information for meaningful answer. Are we talking full on mud volcano here, or are we talking about an unwelcome fart nugget?

For the latter, the nugget's going in the toilet, I'm scrubbing my undies with toilet paper as best I can and then I'm leaving ASAP because I no longer trust my lower gastrointestinal tract. Yes, I'd continue to wear them. No I wouldn't use water. I don't like going commando and I'm not going to wear soggy undies for the sake of a nugget.

For the former, I'd probably get to and then hide in the bathroom and do whatever I could to clean myself up. Probably try not to cry. If alcohol's involved, fail at that (though I didn't start drinking until 18, so this is moot). Soggy clothing no longer optional.

Then I make an escape checking for any trails I might have left from ground zero to the bathroom on the return journey to the way out. I may take the coward's way out and not claim any knowledge, but I'd be convinced that people would know it was me, and there's a good chance I'd be right.

But I know I'd want out of there ASAP.

sorry that definitely didn't happened to you op! /jk

Step 1 is make sure that doesn't happen to you.

Try to deshittify on the toilet as much as possible, then go home

Quietly make an exit unannounced and then throw out everything if you drive on a clean side.

Found Kaitlin Bennett'a alt account

Depends on the type of party and whose house it is.

Each type of situation deserves its own response.

Step out and sing as loudly as you can “every body and every where! Shit your pants and underwear! With a shake and a jiggle, wiggle that turd like a fiddle!”

Posting on social media to get help ?

But seriously, feels like a serious medical issue, talk with your doctor

Deny, deny, deny

What room are you in? This plays a critical role in the decision making process.

You’re in a bedroom, steal some undies and put your dirty drawers in their drawers. Easy.

Kitchen is different. You need to mask the smell and divert from your poopy pants. Ergo, offer to make margaritas, then throw in as much fragrant stuff as you can, and run the blender with no lid on max. You want to splash as many petite as possible to hide your potentially soiled pants.

Bathroom you can wash up. Easy. Maybe dump your undies because they won’t dry very fast.

I permanent marker "BUY BITCOIN" on my entire shit smelling body as many times as I can as fast as I can expecting the time stream to put me back to being 39 years old any second.

Go home?