Lemmy is pretty anti-kids, so to give you some perspective from a person who had plenty of them and enjoyed parenting -

I think it's worth thinking about what you are working for, what kind of life you want now. Not just hustling hard now to stop working at some future point when you are older. My dad died when he was only about 50, there are no guarantees.

And agree that wanting/not wanting kids is generally one of those things you can't survive disagreement on. Like it's just so big someone is going to be unhappy. I can't say kids were bad for my financial situation overall. When they were small I went to college and ended up ahead of where I would have been. But what a nightmare it would have been for all of us if I didn't want the kids!

I still had hobbies and interests, lol, not sure how your parents were but I think it's better to set an example than to spend all your time actively directing. You can't lose yourself and make your whole life your kids because they do grow up.

Don't. Have. A. Kid. If. You. Don't. Want. A. Kid.

Don't have a child for someone else's benefit

You can't un-have a child, and that kid didn't ask to be brought into this world "just because"

Also, kids ruin everything and life is better without them

I know it's a cliche for relationship advice on the Internet to always be "break up", but the kids question is one of the major sources of "irreconcilable differences" that people can have.

Decide what you want your life to be like, particularly about kids. Have a serious talk with her about what she wants hers to be like in that way.
If the answers don't match then it's pretty much going to fall apart sooner or later, and the two of you can decide when that will be.

My personal solution to the whole thing was to get snipped well before meeting my SO, which made it unambiguous from the start that she was ok with no additional kids.

Yeah, maybe have a deep talk amongst the two of you... "I think she ..." is probably not going to cut it, if you ask me. I'd make sure everyone knows exactly what the other person expects from life.

Not having kids is a totally valid (and some would say the responsible) choice.

Having kids you don't really want is the worst kind of child abuse.

I'm flagging quite a few sentences that tell me you don't want kids and you want to keep focusing on yourself. I think any further advice from me could be harmful, so I tell you what I observe.

Do you want to be a parent? That’s the only question that matters. No need to make excuses about budget or hobbies. If you don’t want to be a parent that’s your answer. And if you do, you’ll find a way.

Sooo do you want children?

So many people here telling you to break up, calling it an irreconcilable difference... Reddit moment, I guess?

A couple of things pop into mind:

I think she would be extremely sad if she stayed with me and if we didn't have kids

You think, but would she be? That's something the two of you have to talk about. Essentially - you both have to know what the two of you want. Don't be afraid of honest conversations, it's what relationships often need the most, even if they can get pretty uncomfortable. Maybe she's not super keen on children, either?

I hate work culture and I don't want to work until I'm 80 because I have kids, it's the biggest issue for me.

Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to work until you're 80 - but what I understand from that is you don't want kids unless things are financially stable, which is very reasonable. The question for me is: would you be OK with having kids if it wouldn't make a difference in terms of your financial situation (or would you maybe even want them then)? Maybe there are solutions to financial issues, and it might be worth addressing them even without the question of kids. Again, something you need to talk with your gf about.

I want to live as frugally as possible.

Question is, do you want to live as frugally as possible out of principle or because of a tight budget? If it's the first, then that could get difficult when it comes to having kids, since it's something you should avoid imposing on your kids (I'm not saying smother your kids with expenditures, that's wrong as well - you need to find a proper middle ground). If it's the second, then as mentioned above, it's something you should look at more closely, with or without the prospect of kids.

in addition to that I have hobbies and I want my time spent on my hobbies and interests

That's a more difficult one. You will have less time for your hobbies, but there definitely should be some time left for your hobbies and interests (I'm assuming we're talking about a couple kids at most). And who knows, maybe they're interests you can share with your kids, depending on if they're interested? Then you can even use that to bond with your children later on.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this

The impression I get is that you know neither what you want nor what your gf wants. And that's something you should change. Talk with each other openly. Explain your concerns. If you're not sure about what you want, let her know about that. Ask her what she would like, how strong her preferences are, etc.. make it clear that not everything has to be solved in one conversation, take as many as you need. A number of short, honest conversations are better than one long winded one. Give things time to cool down. Sleep on things. And maybe continue to make it a recurring thing, even if this topic is resolved. Communication is one of the most important parts in a(ny) relationship.

You can find someone to not have children with. I met my wife 10 years ago in our mid 30s. We both had dogs, I was pretty clear early on that I didn't want kids and she was very sure too. About a year into the relationship I got a vasectomy to make sure of that and it has been great.

You will probably have to move on if you really don't want kids unless. There might be discounts for picking up a premade models of you would someday want to adopt a child.

Get a puppy. Cause they are a shit ton of work and expense. Kids are more.

If there is doubt then there is no doubt.

Well I can say I am older with a wife with medical issues and no kids and no job currently and money is to tight for any hobbies that cost. So thats the one hand. I guess im saying that with or without kids you never know especially with the way things are nowadays. On the other hand I personally think having kids is nuts now. Even beyond the bleak outlook for the economy. I mean I can't handle having my kids not be able to have as decent a life as mine or not be able to get as much education as I. There is the environment with the wildfires and devastating storms and dwindling resources and all the pollution especially plastics. The general wealth inequality and moves toward facism.

I was in your position some 18y ago. i was on the fence but wife wanted it. we had one.

i thought that would be it for me. but 4y later wife wanted another one. i was on the fence again but went for it.

both were the best things in my life. without the kids I would devolve into work culture. my life's a lot better now with them.

There is no compromise here. If you split up it'll hurt for awhile but you'll both be happier in the long run

These are incompatible issues. You can't have part of a kid, you either do or you don't. I have a 1 year old and you can't do it if you didn't want to any children.

You are not compatible and need to have a discussion about this being a deal breaker. You are likely to break up but you don't have to be hostile about it.

First decide what you really want - and what is a deal breaker. Then have a serious chat with your GF. This is one of those topics that you really need to be in agreement on for a LTR to work.

On a personal note, I have kids and love it. My life has 100% more trampoline in it because of them. But, they aren't for everyone - and that's ok.

Why do you think she would be sad… have you guys not discussed this? A clear answer might not come from it but it would give you something to go on.

Don't have the kid, break up with the gf lmao. You don't want that very expensive life, then break up with her.