When I was a child, we had chickens. Once, when I was five or six, we had a rooster who would chase me out of the yard when I went outside to play. Seeing this, my father held me over the chicken pen as I kicked at the rooster with my little cowboy boots, but the rooster didn't learn.

So he equipped me as a knight, and sent me with a broomhandle sword, a winter coat, and safety glasses to do battle. I fought him from the lowest dip to the highest hill, the Rooster of Cruelty, until I at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the hillside.

Never again did he trouble me, and never again shall I let poultry tyrannize me! Ever again shall I ride to war against the avian, fair or fowl; thus is my vow.

Who the hell let a goose get an Infinity gauntlet?!

HONK 👁️🫦👁️

Genuinely can't tell which one is supposed to be the goose in this situation

Why are you abusing the local wildlife?

When I was in college, Canandian Geese were all over the park outside my apartment building. They never got out of the way, shit all over the grass, just made a mess of the place. One night, my neighbor came home a little tipsy, and when a goose got to close to him, he slapped it on the back. Not enough to injure it, but he definitely startled it. For the rest of the year, the geese cleared a path for him whenever he came through. I guess word got around in the goose community that he was not to be fucked with.

Fight!

Volume warning

I learned to fear the Canada Goose when I was bicycle commuting along the Thames tow-path back in the day. However, they are nothing compared to the swans.

The local danger noodle not giving a shit, yet I still ran away

One tried to attack my son when he was about 6 while we were walking in a park, not particularly close to where it started. I reminded it of which species eats the other species by kicking it in its stupid bill. It backed off. I was prepared to kill it.

Tell me you've never encountered a swan without telling me you've never encountered a swan:

Don't kill the goose 😭