before i cracked my egg i tried a few times to gain some confidence through weight lifting. i had some success but the further i got into it the less motivated i became, which i now know was my gender dysphoria getting worse as i became more traditionally masculine. realizing i was trans and starting transitioning a part of me hoped my muscles would just go away, but another part of me hoped they wouldnt because of all the time i put into building them and how much i liked being strong. they definitely made my dysphoria worse in the beginning because i felt like my pecs completely overshadowed my new breast growth, which i wanted to be more prominent.
well its been almost a year and they havent gone away nearly as much as i would have liked, but im becoming more ok with that. ive been climbing a lot more recently, and doing some specific lifts for climbing which ive actually improved on compared to before i started hormones. i think a part of me thought i wouldnt be able to get any stronger than i was on testosterone, at least not without a ton of effort, so i thought my muscles just gave me away as not a real woman. realizing i could keep them and even improve them without testosterone made them feel more feminine somehow.
its nice to reclaim part of my body i thought could never be feminine, at least a little bit.
