before i cracked my egg i tried a few times to gain some confidence through weight lifting. i had some success but the further i got into it the less motivated i became, which i now know was my gender dysphoria getting worse as i became more traditionally masculine. realizing i was trans and starting transitioning a part of me hoped my muscles would just go away, but another part of me hoped they wouldnt because of all the time i put into building them and how much i liked being strong. they definitely made my dysphoria worse in the beginning because i felt like my pecs completely overshadowed my new breast growth, which i wanted to be more prominent.
well its been almost a year and they havent gone away nearly as much as i would have liked, but im becoming more ok with that. ive been climbing a lot more recently, and doing some specific lifts for climbing which ive actually improved on compared to before i started hormones. i think a part of me thought i wouldnt be able to get any stronger than i was on testosterone, at least not without a ton of effort, so i thought my muscles just gave me away as not a real woman. realizing i could keep them and even improve them without testosterone made them feel more feminine somehow.
its nice to reclaim part of my body i thought could never be feminine, at least a little bit.
I’m much the same! I rock climb (like a lot) and it means I was strong even before starting HRT. The really nice thing with climbing though is that first of all, it’s queer as fuck, and secondly it’s super body positive. Like if you’re a femme with wide ass shoulders and a strong back that’s first and foremost seen through the lens of climbing, not traditional gender roles. This means people will sort of fawn over each other’s muscles no matter their identity or presentation. Besides everyone secretly (or maybe not so) wants a gal who can pick them up and toss them around!
And it has come up in very affirming ways! Like there was an impromptu arm wrestling contest at a lesbian bar and the strong femmes were right there with the muscled butches going at it, getting cheers, being hyped up. It was great!
So glad you’re finding the joy in your body what ever it looks like! You look wonderful!