501
Call em out
(thelemmy.club)
Yeah, until they're called out on THEIR shit...
That's a stupid take. If you 'normalize shaming' (which, to be fair, is quite common nowadays unfortunately) for things you don't agree with, you will make your own life miserable, and people will hate you for a good reason.
Sure you should talk to friends and family when you see them acting problematic, nothing wrong with that. But shaming people for things you THINK you understand (when you most certainly don't) is the fastest way to push people away.
I do this with Trump supporters in my family.
Not trump voters, Trump supporters. To this day, they don't regret their vote, and they actively support.
Human garbage.
Tbh, anyone who voted for him a second time is equally as bad. They saw the first round and weren't mortified.
Good thing they will have a 3rd chance voting for him to get it right!
hopefully /s?
I can’t even imagine NOT saying a LOT of stuff if someone in my family I knew was in a monogamous relationship brought someone they were cheating with to a family function. I’d immediately tell on them then tell them I told on them right after and if they didn’t leave right away I’d be grilling them both until they did, what else even is there to do?? Just sit there and act like it’s normal? How??
Many people are terrified of being uncomfortable and confrontation
Certain members of my family would come after me for "causing trouble" if I called someone out like that. They'd be like "you should really deal with that sort of thing privately. Like yes he was in the wrong but you could've handled that better." Luckily, the rest of my family would then go after those certain family members for saying that
Point is, a lot of people were raised with tbe mentality that they need to preserve the family dignity and image and calling out someone for doing something objectively wrong is worse bc it calls even more attention to it. Getting out of that mentality is difficult. Still fucked up tho
Edit for clarity
What family dignity is there when you’re openly cheating on your partner though??
I think the expectation that you cut off your friends when they do something you don't like is a little out of control though... I've definitely lost friends over the way they treat their children but there are some steps before that imo.
Yeah, like talk to them. Which is in OP's main point.
Oh, I see. I read that as two separate points and not a continuation of the same thought.
I was agreeing with you, lol. I see that sounds snarky too now that I reread it. My bad.
Lol that's okay! It was clear we were both thinking the same things about it anyway regardless of internet ambiguity in tone
Okay, but only for reprehensible behavior. Don't shame them because they're poor or because they're having mental health issues.
Shame monogamists who shame open relationships
Not all ppl in an open relationship agree on what it is though. Ethical non-monogamy and cheating treat ppl very differently and I reserve my right to shame accordingly.
Who the hell is bringing their DL mistress to a family barbecue? If she's there, there is no stinking way his wife doesn't know about it.
If the wife doesn't approve of it then yeah, he's pressing the self destruct button on his marriage and bringing drama into a space it doesn't belong, but I think it's way more likely she knows what's up and is cool with it.
We can extend this out. "If it doesn't involve you, it doesn't require your approval."
Both is good. If you’re poly, you can say that. By bringing a different date from your spouse, you are essentially outing yourself as poly already, you should expect questions if the group you’re doing this with doesn’t know, especially if it’s family you’re close to (I’m assuming they are at least in steady contact, given that they’re having family parties).
I can’t really imagine one of my siblings bringing someone other than their spouse to a family party, but I’d have some questions for sure. I also love and trust my siblings, so if they told me their relationship was open, I’d believe them and fully accept their polyamory. I’d probably be confused that they wanted to come out like that, but I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Once enough time had passed for them to be secure that I really accepted them, I’d probably ask why, but I wouldn’t be mad no matter what they said, even if they didn’t want to explain it.
If they were cheating on their spouses, I would not accept that, unless they were in a long term abusive situation and trying to escape. Otherwise, I would leave if it weren’t my house and ask them to leave if it were.
"You just want an open relationship so you have an excuse to cheat!"
- person who doesn't think about things or understand them
It’s only cheating if it’s not a part of the plan, whether it’s a relationship or anything else.
In go fish, lying about what you have in your hand is cheating. In a closed book exam, using your notes is. Nobody says that people want to play a bluffing game or take an open-book exam because they want to cheat. At most, people will say that someone wants those things because they will perform better under those circumstances, which, while not phrased well, is also true of poly people in monogamous relationships (and very much vice versa- especially for monogamous people who can only conceive of polyamory as cheating), no? It’s not a choice to be polyamorous, and people who are won’t be as fulfilled by a monogamous relationship.
That doesn’t mean they’ll cheat on a monogamous partner, because that is a choice (and frankly, I suspect poly people are less likely to cheat than monogamous people because of the emotional work they’ve already done to realize that they’re poly- I only know one poly person who is a serial cheater, and that’s because he refuses to do any of the required emotional labor to make enm work, so he does just continually get into “monogamous” relationships; whereas I know many monogamous people who are currently or were previously serial cheaters).
Additionally, just as looking at your opponent’s cards or your classmate’s answers are still cheating in bluffing games and open book tests, dating or romantically/sexually interacting with someone outside of what is agreed upon in a poly relationship is still cheating. Poly people don’t have an excuse to cheat at all, and in fact have a greater responsibility not to, given the larger number of people whose health depends on their transparency.
Can't wait for people to stop saying normalize
Normalize not using normalize
Normalise non American spelling :)
Rhymes with anise. ;)
Normalise sounds like a character on Mama's Family.
Deweird the sitch.
Normalmaxx not using normalize
No no please
Normalize the wavefunction!
Normalize having a vocabulary. Not every Internet post needs to follow an established language pattern
I think when they say "normalize" they actually mean enwhiten.
Cutting someone off isn't holding them accountable.
Are we seriously suggesting it is? This is slacktivism at it's finest.
slacktivism
I came mentally unprepared for another piece of internet lingo
People, especially idiot chuds, are rarely so self-reflective as to think they've lost a friend because of something they've done. Usually they'll blame everyone around them for everything for their whole lives.
Shame relies not just on one person calling you out, but everyone calling you out.
The implication being shaming isn't already normalized..?
@NickTheLuvCoach
🤔
Have principles and don't back down from your own red lines.
Bring back minding your own business.
Every day of my life.
my homie not taking care of his kids , sure I would advise him but nothing more his kids , his problem and maybe the government why would I stick my nose in his family , it ain't my business !
this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026
501 points (96.3% liked)
People Twitter
10288 readers
2168 users here now
People tweeting stuff. We allow tweets from anyone.
RULES:
- Mark NSFW content.
- No doxxing people.
- Must be a pic of the tweet or similar. No direct links to the tweet.
- No international politcs
- Be excellent to each other.
- Provide an archived link to the tweet (or similar) being shown if it's a major celebrity, figure or any politician. If you replace the "x" at their site with xcancel (so it beomes xcancel.com), and you're not on mobile, it will save video. https://web.archive.org/save is another great option. Archive.is is no longer recommended because they remove/alter content.
- If a tweet (or similar) makes a statement of fact, either mark it as "satire" in the body or provide the original source link backing up the statement
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS