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[–] 165 points 1 month ago (16 children)

Humans are apes.

This is a very simple concept, folks.

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    [–] 153 points 1 month ago (18 children)

    That’s factually false.

    He can save a lot of humans every day by doing something humanitarian and does not.

    The only logical inference is that his motivation is not saving humans but killing apes.

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  • [–] 71 points 1 month ago (5 children)

    Yep, lol.

    Would you kill all apes to save one human? "Sure!"

    Would you donate $500 to save one human? "Fuck no!"

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    [–] 97 points 1 month ago (5 children)

    I'll wager he's also done sweet fuck all to save any human

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    [–] 45 points 1 month ago (3 children)

    I’d punch one Matt Walsh in the face to save all humans from having to read this fucking drivel.

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  • [–] 44 points 1 month ago (5 children)

    nancy reagan sucked a ton of dicks and we still got the crack epidemic

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    [–] 40 points 1 month ago (5 children)

    I think the environmental knock-on effect of wiping out all gorillas might cause more than one human to die in the future, directly or indirectly.

    Also, gorilla dicks are small and they cum pretty much instantly, so you could easily get through all gorillas on Earth in an afternoon. Matt Walsh might get it done in 20 minutes, what with his extensive experience of sucking huge amounts of dick on Twitter.

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  • [–] 40 points 1 month ago (7 children)

    Its always "I'm willing to kill for my pet peeve", its never "I'm willing to die without hurting anyone else for my pet peeve"

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  • [–] 34 points 1 month ago (4 children)

    always "i would kill for X" or "i would die for X" and never "i would commit to a modest but long-term effort for the betterment of X"

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    [–] 31 points 1 month ago

    They are always eager for violence, but paying for universal healthcare? Food and housing? Suddenly, they spew some bullshit about personal responsibility or somerhing.

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  • [–] 31 points 1 month ago (15 children)

    How exactly are we more.important?

    Earth probably hates us and thinks we're parasites.

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    [–] 27 points 1 month ago (7 children)
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    [–] 26 points 1 month ago (2 children)

    Who would kill every Matt Walsh to save one ape, tho?

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  • [–] 23 points 1 month ago*

    taken further this is: "i'm the most important human of the humans to me ... thus i will kill all of you to save me" absolute psycho type shit

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  • [–] 22 points 1 month ago*

    As if Matt Walsh would save LGBTQ, non-Christians and people of color

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  • [–] 21 points 1 month ago* (1 child)

    Humans are apes so I assume this means he'll kill every last one of us to save himself.

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    [–] 16 points 1 month ago

    I think the proper rephrasing should be, "Would you suck one ape dick to save every human?"

    It is physically possible (unlike "every" ape dick) and shapes up as a lose-lose: OP's either a hypocrite or an ape-dick sucker.

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  • [–] 11 points 1 month ago* (3 children)

    i had an exclusive tour of a preserve in the congo because my sister was dating this guy who worked there (she loves BBC for some reason), and i met a few gorillas up close and personal. you're never gonna believe this one, but one of them (her name was gretchen) shared a peach with me because she was full, and while i was eating it--are you ready?--she wrapped one arm around me in a warm embrace; that soft exterior gave way to a burst of sugary nectar that tasted as sweet as anything out of a factory with 50g of sugar, including coca cola and little debbie.

    but it was the love that made it so sweet.

    i've never even felt that kind of unconditional love out of my children; that kind of love that's sprouted from seeds planted by a hand with a deep understanding of the human condition, with all of its pains and glories; you don't need the cosmos when you're so in touch with the ragged soil of earth.

    my son and daughter told me they hate me because i wouldn't buy them a ps5 and this was after i built a totally modern gaming rig and sprung for the best graphics card and a 4tb SSD that they refuse to fill up all the way because piracy is immoral. but they wanted to play the new persona, and i love them, so i bought them the ps5 and they haven't changed their attitude. now they want veja sneakers even though the new balance t500 has a sleeker silhouette, a timeless vintage style and costs $100 less.

    i still think of getchen from time to time and how she had a better figure than my wife.

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    [–] 11 points 1 month ago

    He gets to save a human and suck every ape's dick!

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  • [–] 9 points 1 month ago (4 children)

    Who the fuck is this bell end Matt Walsh?

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    [–] 9 points 1 month ago

    But we are apes... come on!

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  • [–] 9 points 1 month ago

    if you killed every ape, you would disrupt the ecosystem and kill every human

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  • [–] 9 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    So this guy would make apes extinct to save Hitler? Fucking nazi simps.

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    [–] 8 points 1 month ago

    Matt Walsh is a dumbass. It’s a simple concept.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 month ago

    No, sucking monkey peen is just fun

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  • [–] 7 points 1 month ago

    he’s still alive? ffs

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  • [–] 6 points 1 month ago

    I say we let him try. Hand-to-hand combat. Every ape vs. Matt Walsh.

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