It’s MAHA Monday at the Great American State Fair, and I am drinking a Phorm Energy Screamin’ Freedom (16 ounces for $6). The fair also offered normal drinks for $5 (Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade), but I figured that for an extra dollar, it would be worth it to know the taste of freedom. Screamin’ Freedom, specifically. This drink offers “natural energy,” “mental focus,” “hydration,” “zero sugar,” “200 MG caffeine,” and a picture of an eagle. The concessions worker warns me that the beverage emphasizes “screamin’” because it has the caffeine content of two Red Bulls. The flavor (“cherry, lemon, & blueberry flavored with other natural flavors”) evokes a melted rocket pop but gets somehow worse with every sip. It is in a can, so I will never know the color of this drink, but over the course of MAHA Monday, I will drink the entire thing.

Everything that follows may be a hallucination!

Consider the state booths. Some are Official State Presentations; others are very much not. Florida includes a cannon, a manatee, and a drawing of Juan Ponce de León at the Fountain of Youth, labeled “Drawing of Juan Ponce de León at the Fountain of Youth.” Georgia is proud to have originated the Waffle House! (Happy MAHA Day?)

Washington State has no official presence, but like many other states without an official presence, that has not stopped some graphic designer from conjuring up a nightmare on its behalf, this one in the form of an elk posing proudly with an Amazon package.