Men have unique insecurities that are a result of socital expectations. We gaslight ourselves into conforming to a certain expected behavior. Many, if not most cishet men are afraid to explore their sexuality beyond that which is considered the heteronormative standard. Men are victims of the patriarchy as is everyone else.
Yep. I find the major thing holding me back from most kinks is exactly that; insecurity.
For what it's worth, you're not alone.
Wow, this community is a whole lot more supportive than I expected
The posts are shit... The advice is lit...
I'm glad to hear you say that. I hope you enjoy Lemmy. Welcome!
My guess: A lot of "Perverted" men think they are perverted because all the girls they've talked to so far have gone "eeeew" when they mention anything like a blowjob.
They have then concluded that they must be perverted for wanting to try such depravities.
my guess: for men, even little things such as seeing boobs (especially in real life) is “taboo”/exciting. so their idea of “perverted” is pretty tame.
Yeah, for many of us, the experience of women wanting sex is rare. All of those "I have a headache tonight" jokes didn't just fall out of the sky. And, the expected retort to that example is, "obviously, you're not very good at it, then," which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners. Under that model, stuff which he enjoys and she doesn't is "perverted," and lots of us men end up thinking we're some grotesque deviants for wanting.
There's a lot of women who cannot cum when their mentality isn't perfectly aligned which means when they don't feel themselves they don't want sex.
For men sex is generally more stress relieving and affirming so when they are not feeling great they want it more.
Also women have "responsive desire" where unless they are approached and engaged they never even think about sex.
This creates a lot of marriage wreckage I've seen.
That's kinda the same no? For the most part, the taboo is not one that the individual has created, it's a societal thing. The same society that creates women that are grossed out by the mention of a blowjob creates the man who freaks out when he sees a boob.
a self proclaimed kinky guy told me that me rimming him is “too much” for him. wdym too much that’s super basic😵💫
I can understand someone drawing a line between the playground and sewage facility when it comes to putting things in their mouth... But that's not really the same on the receiving end.
I'm going to want to kiss the person I'm fucking and if their mouth has been on an asshole I'm not going to do that. Sorry, it grosses me out and it isn't as good as using it on my dick anyway.
Also the dudes who say " i'm can fuck all day, everyday!!", then they meet a woman who can actually fuck all day. They will be looking like the Creepshow ghoul by weeks end.
Women: can get off 7-10 times in a row
Men: busts once, needs an hour and a Gatorade before they can go again
There's an entire meme category about it
Matching freaks is hard.
Kink is a spectrum, and I haven't been exploring it for a few years, but from what I remember, the various communities of kink are always mismatched.
There are always more straight-sub-men than there are straight-dom-women. This compounds when you realize that usually those sub men are looking for certain types of play that the doms aren't into. Dommy mommies and such.
Like, I think of the feminization community. It's hard to find people who like feminization, but DON'T also like cuck play, or race-cuck play, which to me is gross but is a major aspect of that community for many.
Non-binary and Lesbians seemed to do okay though. At least in my city.
As a straight dom male, I can tell you that the inverse is also true. Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn't BDSM and is actual abuse. I blame the 50 shades of grey series at least in part for that.
Yeah, as a lesbian sub I've noticed one big problem facing straight male subs is a lot of dominant women interested in men get burnt out of the community by bad experiences pretty quickly.
I think it's partly that yeah ime a lot of dominant straight women are looking for someone masculine, competent, and submissive, while the men tend to be looking more for degradation and caretaking, and neither group seems to be great at finding compromise, and the men often don't notice what the women are looking for.
But also, bad subs abound. And it's not just men. I used to switch, but bad experience not related drove me away from it, and around the time I was considering dominance again a submissive woman violated my boundaries to the point IDK if I'll ever be comfortable domming again. I've watched other women have similar experiences with one friend have a string of male subs make her decide to look for submissive men in the non kink scene.
And yeah, what I've seen of the feminization types is a real mix of yikes and eggs. Even if I were into men, domming, and feminization I'd be hesitant to get into that can of worms.
I think this has nothing to do with someone’s gender. I would consider myself a perverted woman. I am at a lot of kinky events (probably once or twice a week). I saw a lot of stuff that is too extreme for me but on the other hand a lot of things I do is too extreme for others. So it’s a huge thing based on perspective. But what I noticed so far is that men have a lot of kinks that are unrealistic to pull of. I met someone who was into the thought of me shrinking him down and swallow him. I encountered almost every kink imaginable so far and I would say woman and man are equally as perverted.
I think maybe your results are skewed by your sample group. I'm unsurprised that you find very pervy men at your Sunday night Pervert Socials. What are the average, non-meeting-attending pervs cranking their hogs to? Probably high heels and fishnets and thinking they're depraved animals.
Hey, kink is fun as hell. The whole societal shame bullshit around anything related to sex outside of the context of procreation is fucking dumb, and I’ve more or less fully rejected that mindset at this point. We are humans; humans were designed to feel good when smashing; hence, we like to smash. And exploring fun aspects and dynamics in that context is exciting and delightful.
Remember: “tradition” is just peer pressure from dead people.
That's not a kink. Sex for fun is entirely normal human.
Sex only for impregnation on the other hand, that's a specific fetish.
Hey I just wanna eat pussy in a maid crossdress.
Maybe get pegged and called cute.
Not much to it.
Hi there :-)
Wait what this wasn't supposed to work I didn't think this far 😵💫
That's fucking disgusting.
...only degenerates want to be called "cute".
no joke i used to be one of those dudes that thought i could keep going and never get tired until i met a woman one day that wore my ass out i think i was asleep for like 14 hours lmao shit was fucking wild
I dated a girl once who said she was into kinky shit and i thought pfft yeah yeah - she wanted to cut my dick while it was hard and suck the blood mixed with precum 😐
So, finish the story. Did you let her?
Only once, and i really didnt like it. Turns out im not into having my dick lightly sliced with a razor blade
Entirely anecodotal but:
Nearly every woman I've met/dated/etc that's described themself as a pervert or a freak or extremely kinky, that's a significant element of their personality?
They're the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
Conversely, not all, but far far more of the ones that do not describe themselves as that?
They are actually quite often the most active and creative and willing to try new things, actually reciprocate effort in the bedroom.
Absolutely no clue if this is any kind of representative sample, but it is my experience.
The literal only exception to at least the first half of this was the actually diagnosed nymphomaniac, who was, other than that, a rather meek and reserved person, 95% of the time.
Also I guess for the record, I don't consider myself 'perverted', just sex positive and I guess kinkier than your average ~~bear~~ twink.
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
I encountered a woman once that talked about how freaky she was in bed, in a way that openly encouraged investigation.
Investigation commenced.
Turns out her idea of bein freaky was Doggy Style.
I've been called perverted just for having a high sex drive and thinking about fucking all the time. I don't think I'm particularly perverted. I just want to do the basic stuff A LOT with someone who enjoys doing it with me. All the people I think of as perverted are into the freaky/gross stuff.
When you are German and they read you the ORIGINAL Grim tales at bedtime, you know what's up sooner than you'd wish.
what... what happened to the wolf?
She ain't called the red riding hood for nothin'
He met a predator in the woods
I'm not perverted, I just want to tie you up, suspend you in the air, and have my way with you
I'm not perverted, I just want to be tied up, suspended up in the air, and let you have your way with me
Many self-declared "perverted men" think doggy-style is bdsm
I feel like a lot of straight men, self-proclaimed perverted or otherwise, fetishize virginity and a general lack of their partner having their own experiences, and a perverted woman runs rather contrary to that. It's a lot of patriarchal power expectations.
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