they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don't need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.

Do you actually want these things as well or do you just feel inferior when comparing your life to theirs?

You have more money stashed than the majority of people in the US. You could do practically anything you wanted to with enough conviction and a steady job and that much in savings.

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self. Life isn't a competition, you're meant to find joy within it. That's where I would start if I were you.

Most of the indicators you're talking about are, in my opinion, superficial markers of adulthood. Do you show up for the people you care about? Do you fulfill your commitments? Do you look for opportunities to grow and improve? Do you do the hard thing you need to do instead of the easy thing?

These are the traits that make you an adult, not how many kids you have or whether you own or rent housing. You can have 10 kids or none and still be an adult. You can own, rent, or live in your parents' basement and still be an adult. You can't be making promises you don't keep or always taking the easy way out and be an adult. Those other things are all vanity metrics.

First just take that 100k of rainy day funds and get it into a high yield savings account at like 3-4% APY - that should at least give some solace that it’s not evaporating at the rate of inflation.

what i told you being an adult is an arbitrary and made up distinction and nobody ever actually grows up and literally every single person you have ever seen is to some degree faking it until they make it

You are doing better than most with 100k in the bank. I wouldn't sweat it much.

As someone with far less and fully satisfied, there is truly no standard. The idea of always wanting or needing more is something that is pushed upon us at a massive societal level. If you have the things you truly need, you can work towards things you want, and if you have the things you want, congrats. You’re there. It is an option to feel like you need more than what you have once your essentials are met. No one other than yourself actually cares if you’re ambitious and if you don’t get satisfaction from the ambition to pursue more, then don’t.

Hey Grok, define "midlife crisis of the mainstream male"

scnr, please go to therapy! You deserve to be happy.

Daaamn, you have a hundred grand?

I’m almost 41 and you’re doing better than I am!

The difference between you an a teenager is 20something years of life experience. Don't infantalise yourself

I'm older than you and unmarried, no kids, renting. I don't feel like a kid, though. I feel old. I understand being scared of retiring without enough, but if you can find a small house in good condition at a reasonable price, I think it would be okay to take on a mortgage with as much as you've saved. You shouldn't ask your dad for financial help, though, IMO. Money complicates relationships. Don't add feeling beholden to feeling unloved.

If you have 100k saved in liquid cash, you definitely need to be investing that in broad scale index funds. Keeping it liquid means inflation is going to be eating away at your money over time, which is really not good. The whole market is pretty out of balance due to AI, but it's better to get in now rather than trying to wait and see. You have time to recover from market crashes, just don't panic sell if the market crashes.

If financial stuff isn't your thing, you can also save for retirement in prefabbed vehicles called Target-Date Funds. These are kinda annoying as they have a decent amount of fees, but you basically set a retirement goal date, and they will automatically rebalance more and more conservatively over time. However, you are at a bit of a disadvantage if you start at 43. I'd recommend saving aggressively if you can afford to.

Renting vs buying is always a thing, and it highly depends where you live. Having money for a down payment is good, but I'd consider what 100k invested right now would do for you until you are 80 vs what a house would do for you instead. 40 years of interest could be better than a significant debt load, even with several market crashes.

Fwiw, if you don't have a spouse or kids, I don't really see much value in a house. Rent a cheap one bed and laugh all the way to the bank when a water pipe breaks and you don't have to cover 75k in water damage.

You don't sound atypical to me. The millennial generation is buying houses later and starting families later, or not able or willing to do either one. $100k in the bank is doing far better than most your age. At least in the US, something like 50% of people are living paycheck to paycheck, and wouldn't be able to pay a $1000 emergency expense.

Don't take this as financial advice, but it seems there is evidence that all the housing speculation is nearing an end. There is a lot of supply that is currently just being sat on by companies who are hoping demand catches up again. But we're starting to see a rise in foreclosure rates, and it's suspected to go up through the year.

Many people in their 30s-40s have instead been spending their money on things like pokemon and sports betting. I recommend going to your bank or credit union and just putting the money in some kind of high yield savings account for now. Again, not financial advice, but I would not buy a house right now.

The potential exception would be if trump deliberately triggers mass inflation in an attempt to "offset" a market collapse. In which case...I don't know how it shakes out in the end, but it can't be good for anyone holding USD...

Getting married and having kids really really sucks. This horrific world is going to ruin my children. I am not rich enough to protect them.

I am terrified. I should never have thought I could do this. The worst part is, I knew better.

Don't do it. The rulers don't deserve your children.

If you do get married, marry someone you trust with your very life itself, and don't have kids.

Unless you are very rich and already own a lot of shit. Then do what you want.

I just want to second the comment here about a high yield savings account, or even a CD. They're both low/no risk investments. If the money you have is just sitting there you might as well be getting interest on it and a high yield savings, or a CD, aren't exposed to the market so you can only lose if the bank shuts down and the FDIC can't reimburse you, but if that happens we all have much bigger issues to worry about lol

I'm in a much worse situation than you, also at 40, so I definitely feel your pain here. Single, renting a garage "apartment," working a shitty dead end factory job, and no inheritance to ever expect to receive. I too don't feel like a real adult, but a failure of a human. So you're not alone there for sure.

You are doing very well. I got married at 42. It's the only time I've been married and was the worst mistake I've ever made. I love my spouse very much, but it was still a very big mistake. Don't envy those people. Being lonely is still easier, and kids suck. Go get married and see how fast you save money then. You'll be fucked.

Just turned 47. Divorced 15 years. Still single. I often feel the same way. Buying a house now in this market is insanity. Hopefully, real estate should crash again at some point.

You probably need to figure out what do you want. There is nothing wrong to be alone, not have family or kids. Unless it bothers you. There is nothing wrong to rent a home. Unless it bothers you. Figure out what you want, how the future in which you want to leave looks like. If you can't, maybe talking to a psychologist worth a try - decide what problem you are trying to solve, book a few sessions, see if that moves you towards your better self.

Financially, I agree with many on this thread - keeping all $100k on a savings account is one of the worst things to do with your money. Keep a couple of months of expenses on savings, put the rest to work. CDs are mostly safe, and help offset the inflation. Buying home isn't a bad option, and if it's just a place for you to live, don't consider it an investment depends on location, but you'll likely save on monthly payments vs rent.

Once you figure out what you want from your life, talk to a financial advisor to set realistic financial goals and decide on home purchase or investments.

You are scared of the unknown. Get on the internets and download a mortgage/home ownership spreadsheet. Then you can see how much house/condo you can afford, and when you are ahead from renting.

Bro I’m your age exactly and have less than a 1/10 of your savings, the world is your oyster with that kinda nest egg

Have kids and getting married doesn’t make you any more mature or your life fulfilling than not having them. Anyone can have kids as long as they are biologically able to. The question is are you willing to sacrifice your life to raise them and provide for them? It’s a life-long responsibility that has no return policy!

As for your investments, you should put that 100k from least to most conservative either in an S&P 500, target date fund, or HYSA. You’re literally losing money by just keeping it in the bank cause of inflation.

If you want a house, you have 100k in the bank and could put some of that down as a down payment. Idk where you live or what your housing market is like, but if you could find a smaller place for a reasonable price, you may pay less on a mortgage than on rent, and you'd be building equity.

When I bought my first house over a decade ago, I think it was under 100k, but wasn't large. I don't think I put anything down other than the earnest money. Because I wasn't at 20% down, I did have to pay for PMI as part of my mortgage, but it was like $50 a month given the cost of our place. I've since moved and purchased two house since then, rolling the equity from the previous to the new one. My current mortgage payment is the first time I'm paying more monthly than when I was renting, but houses do have maintenance you have can't offload on a landlord. I think it's still significantly cheaper in the long run, but moreso the equity is the biggest upgrade.

For retirement, it's definitely good to invest what you have saved, to a degree. You could talk to a financial planner to help you invest within your tolerance level. If you aren't doing so already and it's available through work, you should be maxing out your 401k match at the minimum. If you can spare it, it's better to put more in you 401k than to keep it in savings thanks to compounding interest, and the taxes that aren't taken. That annual max for 401k is I think more than 20k annually.

But with all of that, you need to live the life you want to, not the life that others are living. I love having a house and as long as I'm able to, I will never rent again, but I know people that don't want the responsibility of home ownership, that have no desires to purchase. I don't have kids because I don't want them. My wife an I travel and do pretty much what we want when we want, within reason. Kids cost a lot and we have more money because of our choices, and are both very happy with our decision. Point being, you don't have to live a "normal" life to have a fulfilling and successful life. If you are unsure on things like investing, find an expert to help out. If you want a house, you have the finances to do so. Don't compare yourself to others in different situations as some barometer of success and adulthood.

I'd say you shouldn't compare yourself to others. It's rarely a fair comparison and it doesn't help you much. It's pretty pointless - there are 20-year old who have more money and success than you. It's just how the world is, don't fret what other people have. Think about what you have and whether you feel you have enough for yourself, personally.

As for the loneliness, that sounds like a more tangible issue. There are ways to deal with loneliness, but not any super easy ways. Being afraid of being alone is a good natural instinct - it's your social human brain telling you to connect more with other people. Listen to your brain.

What is an adult? It's a culturally-defined concept which you don't meet all the criteria for, and that's why you feel this way. There are certain markers that you don't possess. That's OK. I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, and I also don't feel "like an adult". Embrace it. Look for similarly situated people that you can admire.

I have spoken to many many elderly people that either act like petulant children or they say that inside they really don’t feel like they have a different mind than when they were children/late adolescents. The truth is you are projecting largely outdated social signifiers for adulthood onto yourself. It sounds like the real problem is that you are struggling financially and asking your parents for assistance feels infantilizing but its the exact sort of thing that gave them “adulthood” (TM)...

Sure, having kids and getting married can confirm you are an adult- but honestly, having children connected me more closely with my childhood and brought back memories from childhood I thought had disappeared. It also gave me more insight into my own parents, for better or worse. Does that make me more of an adult or more of a child? considering that when I was childless and dating people I was only concerned with other adults in my life and having fun with them- and now I am putting myself in my childrens shoes and my relationship to my parents is evolving in ways it hadn’t for decades? idk if you really wanted any advice, but I guess my advice would be to worry less about measuring your life and self worth against others, and worry more about your aspirations and your community.

Break your boy off a piece of the rapidly inflating contents of that bank account and I’ll fill you in on how to get past that feeling and reach a more whole state of being.

E: I am being %100 deadass. This post is not a joke or attempt to get “free” money. I know exactly what you’re describing and when you’re ready I’ll help you figure out why you specifically are experiencing it.

A lot of people spend a lot of time on an extrinsic search for intrinsic meaning. There isn't one. The value and meaning of your life can only be self-determined. That feels impossibly heavy at first, but as you come to embrace it, there is an incredible freedom in it. If there is any determinant of adulthood, that's it - to be self-defined. To that end, there are no "rules" about what your life must look like - marriage, kids, home ownership, whatever else are all options, but not compulsory. It's up to you to determine what it is that you actually want.

The other marker of adulthood, I think, is to have come to terms with your childhood. It sounds like you think your father was given advantages that he hasn't seen fit to pass on to you, and you understandably have some feelings about it. Family of origin issues can really cloud your mind until you sort through and come to terms with them. Talking to a therapist about it (or bar that, reading some books on the subject) could be of some value. A lot of people go through their lives reenacting patterns they observed in their parents or projecting their unmet needs from childhood onto others, to their own detriment. This is work that you have to do yourself; no one can "fix" you.

Comparison will not get you anywhere. Consider who you want to be, and then start taking steps in that direction. Once you have set out on that journey, you may encounter others on their own journeys or you may not, but you won't have your self-worth riding on the outcome.

yes.

If you have 100k in the bank you can afford to buy your own house.