You are scared of the unknown. Get on the internets and download a mortgage/home ownership spreadsheet. Then you can see how much house/condo you can afford, and at when you are ahead from renting.

You have more than enough money to put a down payment on a mortgage for a house. Do it.

Don't imagine that you should wait until you get married, get the house for yourself, because you're right, it's an important investment, and you're just throwing your money away on rent. It's surprising you haven't bought a house yet.

Yes, you sound entitled. I was embarrassed that I had to borrow the down payment for my house from my dad, I never expected him to buy me a damn house, even though he could have just done so outright. I never felt "unloved", quite the opposite. He raised me to stand on my own feet, and now that he's gone, I'm grateful to him for doing so.

Having said all that, house prices are ridiculous right now, but are starting to crash in some markets, I'd wait no more than year to see what happens. Use that time to plan, instead of whining.

If you have 100k in the bank you can afford to buy your own house.

Your father shouldn't give you free money, specially if he needs it himself. Perhaps you will inherit it later.

And if he owns three houses, he worked for those. Everyone who owns their houses took a loan, then worked to pay that off eventually, over decades of work.

Its a bit weird to see that you feel like your father should sell a house and give you the money...

Your colleagues also worked and paid off their houses over years. Of course it helps to be two people since it cuts all costs in half.

Most of the indicators you're talking about are, in my opinion, superficial markers of adulthood. Do you show up for the people you care about? Do you fulfill your commitments? Do you look for opportunities to grow and improve? Do you do the hard thing you need to do instead of the easy thing?

These are the traits that make you an adult, not how many kids you have or whether you own or rent housing. You can have 10 kids or none and still be an adult. You can own, rent, or live in your parents' basement and still be an adult. You can't be making promises you don't keep or always taking the easy way out and be an adult. Those other things are all vanity metrics.

I'm older than you and unmarried, no kids, renting. I don't feel like a kid, though. I feel old. I understand being scared of retiring without enough, but if you can find a small house in good condition at a reasonable price, I think it would be okay to take on a mortgage with as much as you've saved. You shouldn't ask your dad for financial help, though, IMO. Money complicates relationships. Don't add feeling beholden to feeling unloved.

what i told you being an adult is an arbitrary and made up distinction and nobody ever actually grows up and literally every single person you have ever seen is to some degree faking it until they make it

You are doing better than most with 100k in the bank. I wouldn't sweat it much.

What is an adult? It's a culturally-defined concept which you don't meet all the criteria for, and that's why you feel this way. There are certain markers that you don't possess. That's OK. I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, and I also don't feel "like an adult". Embrace it. Look for similarly situated people that you can admire.

Just turned 47. Divorced 15 years. Still single. I often feel the same way. Buying a house now in this market is insanity. Hopefully, real estate should crash again at some point.

I have spoken to many many elderly people that either act like petulant children or they say that inside they really don’t feel like they have a different mind than when they were children/late adolescents. The truth is you are projecting largely outdated social signifiers for adulthood onto yourself. It sounds like the real problem is that you are struggling financially and asking your parents for assistance feels infantilizing but its the exact sort of thing that gave them “adulthood” (TM)...

Sure, having kids and getting married can confirm you are an adult- but honestly, having children connected me more closely with my childhood and brought back memories from childhood I thought had disappeared. It also gave me more insight into my own parents, for better or worse. Does that make me more of an adult or more of a child? considering that when I was childless and dating people I was only concerned with other adults in my life and having fun with them- and now I am putting myself in my childrens shoes and my relationship to my parents is evolving in ways it hadn’t for decades? idk if you really wanted any advice, but I guess my advice would be to worry less about measuring your life and self worth against others, and worry more about your aspirations and your community.

they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don't need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.

Do you actually want these things as well or do you just feel inferior when comparing your life to theirs?

You have more money stashed than the majority of people in the US. You could do practically anything you wanted to with enough conviction and a steady job and that much in savings.

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self. Life isn't a competition, you're meant to find joy within it. That's where I would start if I were you.

First just take that 100k of rainy day funds and get it into a high yield savings account at like 3-4% APY - that should at least give some solace that it’s not evaporating at the rate of inflation.

Break your boy off a piece of the rapidly inflating contents of that bank account and I’ll fill you in on how to get past that feeling and reach a more whole state of being.

yes.

The difference between you an a teenager is 20something years of life experience. Don't infantalise yourself

Hey Grok, define "midlife crisis of the mainstream male"

scnr, please go to therapy! You deserve to be happy.

Getting married and having kids really really sucks. This horrific world is going to ruin my children. I am not rich enough to protect them.

I am terrified. I should never have thought I could do this. The worst part is, I knew better.

Don't do it. The rulers don't deserve your children.

If you do get married, marry someone you trust with your very life itself, and don't have kids.

Unless you are very rich and already own a lot of shit. Then do what you want.

As someone with far less and fully satisfied, there is truly no standard. The idea of always wanting or needing more is something that is pushed upon us at a massive societal level. If you have the things you truly need, you can work towards things you want, and if you have the things you want, congrats. You’re there. It is an option to feel like you need more than what you have once your essentials are met. No one other than yourself actually cares if you’re ambitious and if you don’t get satisfaction from the ambition to pursue more, then don’t.

Daaamn, you have a hundred grand?

I’m almost 41 and you’re doing better than I am!

You are doing very well. I got married at 42. It's the only time I've been married and was the worst mistake I've ever made. I love my spouse very much, but it was still a very big mistake. Don't envy those people. Being lonely is still easier, and kids suck. Go get married and see how fast you save money then. You'll be fucked.

If you want a house, you have 100k in the bank and could put some of that down as a down payment. Idk where you live or what your housing market is like, but if you could find a smaller place for a reasonable price, you may pay less on a mortgage than on rent, and you'd be building equity.

When I bought my first house over a decade ago, I think it was under 100k, but wasn't large. I don't think I put anything down other than the earnest money. Because I wasn't at 20% down, I did have to pay for PMI as part of my mortgage, but it was like $50 a month given the cost of our place. I've since moved and purchased two house since then, rolling the equity from the previous to the new one. My current mortgage payment is the first time I'm paying more monthly than when I was renting, but houses do have maintenance you have can't offload on a landlord. I think it's still significantly cheaper in the long run, but moreso the equity is the biggest upgrade.

For retirement, it's definitely good to invest what you have saved, to a degree. You could talk to a financial planner to help you invest within your tolerance level. If you aren't doing so already and it's available through work, you should be maxing out your 401k match at the minimum. If you can spare it, it's better to put more in you 401k than to keep it in savings thanks to compounding interest, and the taxes that aren't taken. That annual max for 401k is I think more than 20k annually.

But with all of that, you need to live the life you want to, not the life that others are living. I love having a house and as long as I'm able to, I will never rent again, but I know people that don't want the responsibility of home ownership, that have no desires to purchase. I don't have kids because I don't want them. My wife an I travel and do pretty much what we want when we want, within reason. Kids cost a lot and we have more money because of our choices, and are both very happy with our decision. Point being, you don't have to live a "normal" life to have a fulfilling and successful life. If you are unsure on things like investing, find an expert to help out. If you want a house, you have the finances to do so. Don't compare yourself to others in different situations as some barometer of success and adulthood.

I just want to second the comment here about a high yield savings account, or even a CD. They're both low/no risk investments. If the money you have is just sitting there you might as well be getting interest on it and a high yield savings, or a CD, aren't exposed to the market so you can only lose if the bank shuts down and the FDIC can't reimburse you, but if that happens we all have much bigger issues to worry about lol

I'm in a much worse situation than you, also at 40, so I definitely feel your pain here. Single, renting a garage "apartment," working a shitty dead end factory job, and no inheritance to ever expect to receive. I too don't feel like a real adult, but a failure of a human. So you're not alone there for sure.

I only got a house as the monthly was below that of rent. When I was renting, I read the richest man in Babylon book. Its a bit dated advice, but I combined that with the play yourself monthly mentally. What I mean is I set aside some money each month for me to spend on anything extra. New pants, go out to movies, whatever. This money can also carryover to allow for a larger purchase, like a phone.

Anyway, don't look to others as an indicator to your life journey. Write your story and don't stress.