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submitted 16 hours ago by marc4267@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

I've realized I'm a very atypical person: talking to coworkers in my age range today I realized they have a better financial situation than mine: they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don't need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.

Me: I'm 43, I don't own but rent, meaning I pay for something I'm never going to own. The last 2 years I've been saving like crazy because I'm afraid of not having enough money for retirement, and because in my past I did so much stupid shit, meaning I wasted so many years not doing anything of use.

I have around 100K in the bank, I know I should invest but I'm also scared of losing that money and I don't know if I should use that money as a down payment for a house.

My father owns 3 houses and I envy him. I've been thinking about asking him to sell one of the houses and give me the proceeds so I can buy my own place because some of my coworkers did that and could finance their own home. When my father went to study to another state my grandfather bought him a house there so he wouldn't have to rent. When he moved back to home state he sold and invested the money to buy a new house there. He had way easier than me. It's not fair. I feel... unloved?

I guess this makes me an entitled ass but I feel so... lost?

To summarize, I feel like a loser because I'm old, I'm behind most of my coworkers my age, I'm a very individualistic person but this means I'm going to die alone, but sometimes I feel alone and scared of being old and alone. I don't own anything of value to my name, it's like I'm an old teenager.

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[-] BassTurd@lemmy.world 6 points 14 hours ago

If you want a house, you have 100k in the bank and could put some of that down as a down payment. Idk where you live or what your housing market is like, but if you could find a smaller place for a reasonable price, you may pay less on a mortgage than on rent, and you'd be building equity.

When I bought my first house over a decade ago, I think it was under 100k, but wasn't large. I don't think I put anything down other than the earnest money. Because I wasn't at 20% down, I did have to pay for PMI as part of my mortgage, but it was like $50 a month given the cost of our place. I've since moved and purchased two house since then, rolling the equity from the previous to the new one. My current mortgage payment is the first time I'm paying more monthly than when I was renting, but houses do have maintenance you have can't offload on a landlord. I think it's still significantly cheaper in the long run, but moreso the equity is the biggest upgrade.

For retirement, it's definitely good to invest what you have saved, to a degree. You could talk to a financial planner to help you invest within your tolerance level. If you aren't doing so already and it's available through work, you should be maxing out your 401k match at the minimum. If you can spare it, it's better to put more in you 401k than to keep it in savings thanks to compounding interest, and the taxes that aren't taken. That annual max for 401k is I think more than 20k annually.

But with all of that, you need to live the life you want to, not the life that others are living. I love having a house and as long as I'm able to, I will never rent again, but I know people that don't want the responsibility of home ownership, that have no desires to purchase. I don't have kids because I don't want them. My wife an I travel and do pretty much what we want when we want, within reason. Kids cost a lot and we have more money because of our choices, and are both very happy with our decision. Point being, you don't have to live a "normal" life to have a fulfilling and successful life. If you are unsure on things like investing, find an expert to help out. If you want a house, you have the finances to do so. Don't compare yourself to others in different situations as some barometer of success and adulthood.

this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2026
138 points (99.3% liked)

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