I hate small talk, vehemently opposed to it... been married over 15 years...

When it is someone you truly love and cherish... even the most mundane things come with a sense of beauty and wonder, because it's them. Their thoughts, their opinions, their take on whatever applies the meaning. My wife and I can talk about the rain and the trees and the bugs and the birds for hours, for no other reason than it gives us a chance to be together.

Looking at it the way the post does... you're missing the forest because of all the trees.

Yes. Works for me.

"Hi honey, i'm home".

Yeah actually that sounds pretty good, might ask my partner about it when she comes home

Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.

My wife thinks that determinism causes you to 'give up' so you don't fight against injustice. I, being a determinist, am obviously annoyed by this characterization. I would say that I am just as enthused to do things; I just wouldn't attribute the enthusiasm to some mystical will that conjures it from nothing.

My husband and I absolutely do discuss free will and other philosophical questions. Being able to have those conversations is what drew us together.

Some people talk about the weather or their local sports squadrons. We would rather discuss the ethical implications of modern technology or the nature of knowledge or art.

How I actually talk to my wife

hi honey I'm home

well, looks like rain tonight

you said it

Peak romance ❤️

We're both autistic and therefore both hate small talk. Problem solved.

I just like keeping it real. I genuinely don't care about your day and I won't pretend like I do in order to fill the "awkward" silence. If I'm interested enough to talk to you, then it isn't small talk

I don't mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It's a waste of energy and time.

I'm utterly convinced that nobody actually dislikes small talk, they just redefine it to something different in their minds or imagine it was unenjoyable by definition. It's so common that you'll see people say they dislike small talk and the say something like "meaningless conversation with people they don't like." As if "liking small talk" somehow means you have to like it with everyone, which is something nobody has ever seriously said. It's just that small talk comes up in the context of strangers because generally those topics are more permissable with people you don't know (as opposed to big talk topics like "do you think free will exists").

Also I think a lot of people who claim they dislike small talk view the topics as exclusively things they dislike. As if it can only be about the weather and sports or something. Which, again, is not something anyone has ever said seriously.

It just feels very performative I guess? I'm not sure why it irks me I guess. Like they'll say "I hate small talk" then talk about a video game they've been enjoying with their friends. Like, what the hell do you think you're doing if not small talk? Talking about recent media you've enjoyed is small talk.

Because the purpose of life is to experience it?

Hearing what happened at my gf's office shows that I'm interested in what she's doing. Her telling me about her coworker who had a health scare means she cares about the people around her in that office. Her asking how my baseball game went means she cares that I did well, or I had fun playing the game.

Life isn't a bunch of yes/no/maybe computer prompts from an RPG. That sounds like a miserable way to live to be honest.

That's what normies don't get about introverts: we're not above small talk, we're above small talk when it's all there is. Of course we'll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we'll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we'll talk to say meaningful things.

Else, there's folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to 'scorching hot sex'.

People think that "i hate small talk" must mean "i want big talk" because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up

I just don't like talking, no matter the size.

Nobody hates small talk. They hate meeting new people and the awkwardness and embarrassment of that situation. When you are comfortable with someone you don’t mind small talk or you’re comfortable enough with them to just exit the conversation because it’s boring.

Asking my life partner how their day was is not small talk. Asking the same question from the cashier at the grocery checkout is small talk.

the best kind of relationship is the one where you can be silent together and you don't have to talk about trivial crap.

it blows my mind how much trivial miserable nonsense makes up most folks conversations, and how obsessed they are with other folks... and 100% they would be RIPSHIT if someone else talked about them the way they talked about the person they are gossiping about...

I used to have an ex who would viciously gossip about her friends/co-workers intimate details to me, and I asked her once what she would think if they did that about her. She got so angry at the thought... least to say we broke up pretty soon afterwards.

And I was a lot happier without her going on for hours about Lydia's boyfriend's crack addiction and his limp dick, etc.

My bf and I barely talk at all. It's fucking awesome just being comfortable shutting the fuck up together.

We don't plan to

Sincerely, schizoids

Exclusively dating ND women has been a blessed relief from small talk