Asking my life partner how their day was is not small talk. Asking the same question from the cashier at the grocery checkout is small talk.
What if they are the same person?
It averages out to medium talk.
If there's someone behind you, that's called "holding up the line."
People think that "i hate small talk" must mean "i want big talk" because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up
These thoughts rattling around in my head and this breath in my lungs would be wasted forever unless I combine them and thrust it upon your unwilling ears
—the entire world for some reason
Not always true and a little besides the point. I went through a period where my friend circle ONLY made small talk. Hang out for a couple hours at a bar, 90% no talking and when we did it was either to insult each other or talk about our beers.
It became exhausting. Unsurprisingly we went our separate ways and never contacted each other again.
Some people are just scared of silence I guess.
Talking To my partner isn't small talk. Sustaining a conversation with a coworker who won't shut the fuck up is small talk
That's what normies don't get about introverts: we're not above small talk, we're above small talk when it's all there is. Of course we'll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we'll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we'll talk to say meaningful things.
Else, there's folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to 'scorching hot sex'.
I'm all for small talk. It's the superfluous small talk just to kill dead air I hate. I'd rather sit in an elevator and say nothing than talk about how much rain we're about to get this afternoon.
My bf and I barely talk at all. It's fucking awesome just being comfortable shutting the fuck up together.
You mean you don’t have someone constantly at their/your wits’ end… telling you that you’re either the cause of , or lack of the cause of everything?
Thought I was just old fashioned… LOVE…
What's wrong with silence? You don't have to talk continuously.
Don't have to be silent continuously either, for that matter!
I don't mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It's a waste of energy and time.
Firstly, that sounds great. Secondly small talk is meaningless filler, not common topics, so asking common things is not small talk as long as I actually care and participate in the conversion (like "how are you?" Or "how was your day?" Or even "interesting weather today")
With silence. Peace and tranquility. Simply enjoying someone's very presence without needing to verbalize it
Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.
The definition of small talk is literally establishing common ground in some way. It's only meant for people you don't or barely know.
It's absolutely unnecessary for people you already know deeply.
We're both autistic and therefore both hate small talk. Problem solved.
You don’t need to discuss how pleasant the weather is, but talking about the important things in your life is necessary for a meaningful relationship.
It’s necessary, but discussing the big important things don’t take up very much time in a long term relationship. There’s a lot more small talk that happens, so best to be on the same page about both with your partner!
I’ll just sit and not say stuff for hours with my partner. It’s nice.
The more I read into this thread, the more I appreciate being German. I don't talk to the cashier besides smiling at them and saying hello and goodbye and they don't expect me to. I only talk to people I want to talk to, besides at work. But even there I keep it low.
It's not that I don't like to talk. I just prefer to talk with a meaning.
You might like New Jersey to then. "How you doing" is about the extent of it. I can see people I know while out for a run, walk, grocery, whatever, and you're only getting a how you doing unless there's something important we need to discuss. Neighbors, you get a smile and a wave. I'm not striking up a conversation just to strike up a conversation, and that's how most of us are.
At the same time, we can plan to get together and then do get-together stuff, including those meaningless or meaningful conversations.
I mean, the Fins have a thriving society.
I can’t explain it, but they’re among the happiest people on earth.
hi honey I'm home
well, looks like rain tonight
you said it
Peak romance ❤️
My husband and I absolutely do discuss free will and other philosophical questions. Being able to have those conversations is what drew us together.
Some people talk about the weather or their local sports squadrons. We would rather discuss the ethical implications of modern technology or the nature of knowledge or art.
You can have both, damn.
Exclusively dating ND women has been a blessed relief from small talk
Every woman I've dated since high school has been taller and more autistic than the last. If my wife ever leaves me, I'll need to find a non-verbal WNBA star.
yes, thats what I want
No you transition straight into hardcore steamy sex
I hate small talk, vehemently opposed to it... been married over 15 years...
When it is someone you truly love and cherish... even the most mundane things come with a sense of beauty and wonder, because it's them. Their thoughts, their opinions, their take on whatever applies the meaning. My wife and I can talk about the rain and the trees and the bugs and the birds for hours, for no other reason than it gives us a chance to be together.
Looking at it the way the post does... you're missing the forest because of all the trees.
Do people in relationships actually talk about useless shit all day??
"Hi honey, i'm home".
“I am home” is not small talk but a declaration, you inform anyone else currently in the home that you specifically (and not a burglar) are now present.
Life partner arrives home. Me: extends middle finger. Life partner: grunts. The rest of the interaction: [redacted]
We either have free will or we have the illusion of free will so convincing and persistent that no meaningful distinction can be drawn and we must continue to act as if we have free will.
...yes?
I thought so about myself too, until i realise i hate small talk because most of the time it's about topic idgaf or with people i don't want to interact with or when i'm supposed to focus.
All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
