this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023
428 points (92.5% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26892 readers
2914 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 93 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (9 children)

Never tried heroin.

If, by some unfortunate circumstances, I survive to 70, I am doing ALL the heroin!

Why continue to play it safe? So I can eat watered down jello, observe my faculties and senses diminish day by day, and piss my pants for another 10-20 years until I expire like spoiled produce with Matlock playing in the background?

Too many people living and working for a possible retirement that may or may not come are going to be disappointed that all they slaved and sacrificed for was to be a worn out husk sitting in a chair too far into decomposition to start living 65 years in.

My work has taken me to countless retirement communities at every socio-economic level, from wards of the state who signed away their social security, to the wealthy family members that the 1% throws away to die. The only differences are in the food and the common area decor, and some cheap tapestries don't change the reality. There are a lot of courteous smiles, but absolutely zero happiness to be found in any of them in my experience.

I call working with the intent to make it to that literal shitshow planning for failure.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You are not accounting for your changing appetite and priorities though. Willing to bet heroine sounds much less appealing then than now. Maybe stop holding back so much and just do a little heroin now?

Also, check out the 99PI podcast on the Model Village - it might give you some hope for better options, but I'm not too excited as our species and especially my country are pretty good bout fucking these kinda things up.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Do a little heroin now, as a treat!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (3 children)

70? People these days are still in good shape at 70, I don't know what age you are but by the time you reach 70 you'll probably be today's 60 years old! I don't think we've got that many users on here that are over 60!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

I work in hospice and have seen patients (and family members) 90+ who I could have mistaken for late 60s - early 70s. I also recently met a patient's wife who was 20 years younger than him, but was in worse shape and looked his age (82) if not older. Genetics and life experience are wild.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I believe that everyone should smoke, drink, and enjoy the occasional hard drug- just start when you're 75 or 80. Fucking party on the way out.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

What it gonna do, kill you?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Spoken like a true 20 year old who has no concept of what health at 75 looks like. The alcohol hangovers will last multiple days, you might have a lung condition that prevents you from smoking, your circulation will massively shit the bed off stimulants (think racing heart, cold sweats, feeling weak, anxiety) and opioids... well, opioids might be mostly okay except for the constipation I guess. Withdrawals might incapacitate you for months though.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Forget heroin do a heroic dose of shrooms

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I could have gone my whole life without seeing a Kermit Goatsee

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I guess. If you can even call that a life

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Are you really even alive if you've never smashed that kermussy?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

What a terrible day to be literate

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My God this post is vile 🤣

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Grandma deserves a healthy and natural double fisting too

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Seriously.

I have to go into nursing homes all the time. The ladies at them are the thirstiest women I've ever met.

....but ya know, a hole is a hole 🤷

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I ain't into old ladies but a Werther's original is a Werther's original.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

That's where they get practice 😉

And don't get me started on when they remove the dentures!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If there's a hole there's a goal

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Just curious here, but why did you guys see the title "Senior Citizen Sex" and still decide to click the link?

On second though, I don't want to know.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Because a lot of people find older folks having sex really icky. And it's such a deeply ingrained and weird take.

So I'm here to dispute it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

They are all members of the Lemon Party.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago

My granddad once said to me, "It's really humid today"

To which I replied "Aye tell me something I don't know!"

He said, "Err......ok. I can fit my whole fist up your gran's arse"

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I think you might have some issues, op.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not really.

Look up some STD transmission stats for retirement communities. It's a real issue.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (3 children)

The real issue is the absolutely pathetic state of sex ed in the US. A lot of these people probably grew up thinking that "safe sex" meant doing it when she isn't ovulating and somehow never learned any better despite living through the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Come on. People of nursing age have had a literal lifetime of new sex science. There really is no excuse except for an unwillingness to learn.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

There's also that people that age don't give a fuck anymore, they just fuck.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Man, what’s heart breaking is congenital syphilis. A disease that’s passed to an infant at birth. In 2012, it was almost gone from the US.

In 2021 it has surged by 201% nationally and quadruple digit percentage in some States.

And given the antibiotic resistance that’s quickly building up, we may never be able to get rid of it now without some new advancement.

And the vast majority of the surge has been due to people either not being able to have a prenatal screening or not wanting it.

It is one of the most depressing defeats. Especially considering the damage the disease does to the child brain and heart. It’s just an unspeakable L humanity has had to take on this.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I agree with you, but I don't think you can blame congenital syphilis on nursing home residents unless it's male residents banging female nurses young enough to be fertile.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

OP's not wrong, though. Inmates of boomer gulags are old, not dead. They're gonna fuck unless you keep 'em in solitary confinement 24/7.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And MAN do they be fuckin'.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Nothing wrong with that. A lot of them have spent their entire adult lives working for the man. 40+ hours a week on the job from 18-65 isn't a life; it's a fucking life sentence.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

At least my fair share lol

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My better half works in a nursing home. The one she works in now is more "independent", she used to work in a nursing home that also had a "memory care" (Alzheimer's/dementia) wing.

She explains that the sex is rampant. Her favorite story was about a couple who would sneak into a supply closet to do the sweaty, wrinkly deed. But they weren't as sneaky as they thought, because they would park their walkers outside the closet.

What happens sometimes, is you have these elderly people, who have lost someone they have been married to for decades. And they're lonely, but they are surrounded by other people around their age who have also lost someone who was in their lives for decades.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Plus they don't have anything else to do.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In a few years, they'll all be playing counter strike instead of jumping each other.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Grannie can get it

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

I just sent this to my mother-in-law AND father-in-law

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Used to deliver medication to an air force vet at a nice retirement residence, would knock on the door and hear a woman go "teehee just a minute" and there'd be like two ladies on the couch in his living room space. Guy was living the dream lol

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Downloaded and scheduled text to my child for 35 years from now.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

It's actually mostly hand stuff.

load more comments
view more: next ›