269
If the bible was AAA (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 month ago by cm0002@libretechni.ca to c/memes@sopuli.xyz
top 17 comments
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[-] rem26_art@fedia.io 66 points 1 month ago

God: Your Old Testament Rage is fully charged! Press L3 + R3 to unleash!

[-] GreenShimada@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

You found: Whip - Press X to use

Jesus: "Wait...can we make that some other button?"

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 5 points 1 month ago

God: It's only a problem with ye olde englishe, which you don't canonically speak, J.

[-] GreenShimada@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

The New Testament was written in Koine Greek. Don´t deny Χριστοῦ his whip attack!

As an aside - a GTA-style game of being Jesus would be hilarious.

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 3 points 1 month ago

I wasn't denying the whip attack my friend, just telling J shouldn't worry about pressing "cross"

[-] inari@piefed.zip 32 points 1 month ago
[-] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 month ago

Is that Allen coming to stop Jesus the conquerer?

[-] caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 month ago

No, it's the Avatar

[-] W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 1 month ago
[-] CluckN@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago

God: Rise and shine J, you’ll need to move that stone blocking the tomb entrance by holding L2 and focusing your Holy Spirit. Just make sure you have enough meter by collecting those communion crackers.

Jesus Christ: Hope I made it in time for the Easter egg hunt.

[-] null@lemmy.org 16 points 1 month ago

You see those red coins? That's blood money. Collect 30 and I might just have a noose waiting for you.

[-] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

But if you manage to collect thirty silver coins, you’ll get the chance to see my greatest miracle yet! ^(Use of this miracle triggers a three day cooldown on all of Jesus’ abilities)^

[-] fleebleneeble@reddthat.com 10 points 1 month ago

In my mind, reading this, Jesus has the voice of Jeff Fischer from American Dad.

[-] loutr@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago
[-] RamenJunkie@midwest.social 3 points 1 month ago

How long until they add mods? I wanna be a Miku Jesus with an AK.

[-] promitheas@programming.dev 2 points 1 month ago

No way lol. We got jesus simulator before GTA6

this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2026
269 points (97.9% liked)

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