cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/46297347

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[–] 73 points 4 months ago (4 children)

A friend who gets catcalled often thinks it's mostly men posturing for other men; they don't usually do it when they're alone.

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  • [–] 29 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

    As a woman, my experience says this is largely dependent on the culture. Go to Latin America and men cat call women even when they're alone. Day, night, at work- doesn't matter. If anything, I've never been catcalled in enclosed spaces such as public transport or elevators, but I've occasionally had a hand on my ass if it's super crowded. If you ask me this totally puts them in the bully category, and bullies can also work in groups.

    In Australia I've only seen men catcalling women while they are drinking, and yeah they were also not drinking alone. The catcalling also feels sillier or less serious somehow, perhaps because it's obvious they're being drunk and stupid.

    YMMV.

    Edit: also let me add, in the first example men catcall any woman. I think any woman between the ages of 12 and 60 is a good target for catcalling, as long as they're not morbidly obese.

    In the second example, only conventionally attractive women, often dressed somewhat suggestively, get catcalled.

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  • [–] 72 points 4 months ago (4 children)

    Women are simply objects in those situations. Something to be ogled at as they walk by. Men don't care what those women think of them, they're signaling to each other that they find that woman attractive.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    The guy might have an internal monologue like "man, she's hot!" and it escapes into the air as a way to feel like he's making progress towards getting to sleep with her. I doubt the guys expect it to actually be effective.

    I dunno. I've never done it and I've very rarely seen it in the wild.

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  • [–] 51 points 4 months ago

    As a big burly (but cis) bloke who would be described as a "bear" in some circles, there's nothing more fun than supporting my female friends then returning the "compliment" back to these men. It's funny how quickly they find it repulsive and it can be quickly turned into a learning experience for them.

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  • [–] 23 points 4 months ago

    It's basically bullying like you say. They enjoy the power they hold over a woman to be able to say degrading things about her without consequence.

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  • [–] 20 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    You're assuming they think at all.

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  • [–] 19 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I also think it's infantile behaviour, crowd/group mind psychology where they collectively act worse than the individual; IMHO the bully/cat caller gets pleasure in reaffirming their role within the group and will continue to do so unless somebody from the group itself strongly challenges them (complains, warns them, etc) or something else goes badly for them from bystanders intervening.

    They pretty much don't care about the response from the victim unless it's "entertaining" and reenforces their clown act

    Not a psych worker, just my 2c

    BTW it reminds me of the phenomenon where a crowd freezes instead of helping an injured person, since there's too many people and little "per capita" pressure to help a stranger in need

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  • [–] 17 points 4 months ago

    A combination of the power of making them uncomfortable and a lack of empathy and viewing women as objects to be admired and not full people.

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  • [–] 16 points 4 months ago

    I don't think you realize they don't care and don't have that social respect normal people have.

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  • [–] 14 points 4 months ago (10 children)

    When I see people out exercising I often get the urge to yell that they are doing a good job or looking great if I see them working hard. But I never do.

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  • [–] 7 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I'm a cis man, so maybe take this with a grain of salt, but if I get encourement from a random person like this, I absolutely kick my effort up a notch and remember it for months-years.

    I'd like think people might be able to tell the difference between "keep it up" or "you're doing great" and a full on catcall, but I've never been catcalled so... Β―\(ツ)/Β―

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  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago

    I go for a thumbs up in that scenario.

    I enjoy giving compliments to passing strangers because I know how much it means to me in the rare occasions that I have received one. Of course i'm very careful to not choose stress-inducing topics and not to time it when the subject would be stuck with me, e.g. an elevator.

    I get to see so many smiles from recognizing cartoon characters on kids' clothes, complimenting older guys on their bold hat choices, or someone's colorful glasses frames.

    The world needs more smiles!

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  • [–] 11 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I think the only time I cat-called women was when I was 10yo while playing football (soccer) in the neighborhood. The girls (~15yo I'd guess) looked back and I went red as a tomato in embarrassment.

    Fast forward some years later, when I had long hairs, as I was arriving at school, someone horned at me and cat-called me. I turned around the the pair of idiots saw that I was a dude. They didn't speed up and I felt that, were I smaller or had a more meek outlook, they would call me gay, sissy, etc, before moving on.

    So, it feels like cat calling is a power play against the target.

    I do wish people could be honest about what they think, but in a civilized manner. I wish I could just tell a girl or woman I find her pretty without coming off as a creep, weirdo or flirty.

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  • [–] 11 points 4 months ago

    The only time I ever seen a cat call work was when a cat made a noise at a woman.

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  • [–] 10 points 4 months ago

    Second option all the way. If they thought cat-calling could earn them a date they'd have realised empirically that it doesn't

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  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    It's just fun for them. There is no thinking involved, so your question is meaningless.

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  • [+] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)
    [–] 6 points 4 months ago* (1 child)

    Do people still do that? I don't think I've ever seen it IRL, but then again I don't live somewhere that's known for it.

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  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago

    It’s always seemed like negative attention seeking to me. Pretty much bullying with the facade of β€œcompliments”

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  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago

    The shotgun approach. do it often enough, and you'll fine someone who'll like it for some reason

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  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago

    I do think that they think it's a compliment. I guess they don't have any women in their lives to smack some sense into them.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

    I have yet to read any of the other comments, so this is right off the dome, but I imagine that most of them think that they are just sending a compliment and brightening someone's day.

    I doubt they imagine that the girl is gonna sprint across the highway at 75 miles an hour, rip the door of their car, shred their blue jeans like a wildcat and start fucking them like an insane, rabid mongoose.

    Maybe they should. Maybe that would inspire the fear needed to stop catcalling?

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago

    I'd wager a lot of them just don't know any better. They don't get to hang around people who treat women with respect, so all they see are the boisterous blowhards and assume "that's how it must be done."

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (13 children)

    Somebody actually cat-calls women? Not just a stereotype from 80's broadcasting?

    If they do, I'd imagine it's a role they think they have to play for their peers. Do they do that when they are alone?

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