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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.

It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.

I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.

I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.

That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.

Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.

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[-] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 33 points 6 days ago

I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy.

Your marriage may be finished, but you are an amazing human being and you succeed at being a good person. I'm sorry for your situation, it sucks, but with time you both will be okay and find new respect for each other. Sending Internet hugs.

[-] inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world 26 points 6 days ago

Hey OP, I can't say I understand the hurt you must be going through but just know that you're a damn good human being and it will get better man.

[-] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 32 points 6 days ago

She told me she still loved me... that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard.... I’m not angry with her... It isn’t anyone’s fault.

You've already vocalised all the important stuff you need, right there.

[-] brognak@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 6 days ago

The is the most adult story I have read in a while, and that's meant on every level.

OP I hope you and your wife/partner/best wingman ever(whatever y'all land on 💜) the absolute best. All the hugs.

[-] Rumo161@feddit.org 23 points 6 days ago

I know it hurts a lot right now. At the same time it is a huge compliment that she chose you as her last try. You got to be amazing.

[-] Turious@leaf.dance 21 points 6 days ago

I've had this happen, I know exactly where you are. Only difference was that he came to the conclusion months before I was let in on it and was not given the chance to discuss it before he broke things off and assured me it was well, well over.

My heart goes out. It's heartbreaking. You're doing this right. It's hard but your heart is in the right place through the pain.

I'm cheering for you from over here. Keep being amazing.

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[-] Buffalobuffalo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 6 days ago

We've had one wife, yes. What about second wife?

Its a deep disruption, but atleast... At least its not finding out shes too close with two defensemen from the local AA hockey team. Now i cant even enjoy another Utah Mammoth game as long as i live.

[-] piranhaconda@mander.xyz 9 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Fuck. That's rough. I got cheated on while she was on a two month trip to Israel. I wasn't Jewish enough (at all). And it was summer '23, right before things escalated. I had to make sure it didn't turn me into a hateful piece of shit, but couldn't watch the news for a long time

[-] FlyingCircus@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Shit, at least you’re not dating a Zionist anymore though, right? I’d consider that a bullet dodged.

[-] TerdFerguson@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Bro. Are you doing okay? Holy shit.

[-] Hyaline_Cat@lemmy.world 17 points 6 days ago

Good luck, bud. That's not easy, but if you found one, you'll find another.

[-] Denixen@feddit.nu 8 points 6 days ago

It warms my heart that you still want to be friends with her and not rip things up completely. It must have been so difficult for her to come out, given that she would risk losing you completely. I hope you find a way to move forward from this. It is as you said nobody's fault.

My sympathies to you for having your life shaken like this...

[-] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

You got this, dog. Whatever happens, you're also important and deserve love too ❤️

[-] Triasha@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

I deeply sorry. Give yourself as much time to grieve as you can. It's not your fault, but that won't make it hurt less. Sounds like you have been all anyone could have asked for.

If you can, reach out to your support system outside of her. Staying close is good in the medium/long term but some distance in the short can help you settle into a new normal.

Take care.

[-] hasnt_seen_goonies@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

This is a terrible thing to go through. I'm sorry it is happening. I hope better things come your way in the future.

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this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
604 points (98.7% liked)

Off My Chest

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