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submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.

It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.

I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.

I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.

That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.

Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.

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[-] someone@lemmy.today 32 points 6 days ago

The last woman I messed around with before realizing I was gay was essentially perfect. She was nice, healthy, great smile, genuine, fun... My lack of sexual attraction feelings for her were what convinced me I was gay. It was like "Well, if this isn't doing it for me, there's no bisexuality in my future." Your wife probably really liked you and thought were perfect, and probably someone other woman will think you're perfect too in the future. Your wife was just gay, and probably wished she liked you because you're so perfect, probably felt like maybe she could make it work because you're so great.

[-] Semester3383@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

I have known people that were the appropriate gender for me, were interested in me, that were nice, healthy, great smiles, genuine, fun, smart, kind... And I had absolutely no attraction to them.

Sometimes you just aren't attracted to someone, even when everything should be right. Sometimes you're attracted to people that you know for sure would be absolutely terrible for and to you (like the person I felt limerance toward that was a literal crack addict, probably sleeping with people for drugs, definitely a mean person, deeply mentally ill... ...and none of that affected how I felt). You can't control your feelings; feelings just are. The best you can do is control what you do with them.

[-] someone@lemmy.today 1 points 6 hours ago

I know what you are saying is true, but I believe if I were heterosexual that I would have been attracted to her. I have not had the same-sex equivalent of that experience (a guy who seemed sexy and cool and wonderful and I just didn't feel sexual with them when close).

this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
604 points (98.7% liked)

Off My Chest

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