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[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 149 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

It's a trick. The jaguars killed Sebastián and used his phone to lure in more prey.

(Edit: As someone who's contacted experts for research to improve Wikipedia, they've all seemed really happy that someone was interested enough in their subject to ask. If you have a question you've tried and failed to find an answer for, the worst they can ever do is say "no" or not reply. Try it sometime!)

[-] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 55 points 2 months ago
[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 75 points 2 months ago
[-] Chronographs@lemmy.zip 30 points 2 months ago
[-] spankinspinach@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 months ago
[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago

Jaguars are the leading cause of male-pattern baldness.

[-] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 14 points 2 months ago

I thought that was the opposite, you get the baldness first, then you buy a Jaaaaaaaag

[-] night_petal@piefed.social 9 points 2 months ago

Jaguars prefer bubblegum flavored toothpaste.

[-] spankinspinach@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago

Big Jaguar has cornered the bubblegum toothpaste market, increasing male pattern baldness. OPEN YOUR EYES SHEEPLE

[-] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago

How long do I get to pet the Jaguar before it kills me?

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[-] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 90 points 2 months ago

Sebastián, I have one very pressing question. Are jaguar soft?

FTFH.

Pro tip: don’t waste people’s time by forcing them to respond before you ask your question. Be polite and pleasant, AND ask your question at the same time. It saves both them and you a lot of time.

[-] jackr@lemmy.dbzer0.com 99 points 2 months ago

although this is usually correct, here it is important for the joke that setup and punchline are seperated by anticipation.

[-] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 38 points 2 months ago

First of its a joke with a set up and punchline. Secondly its a group chat as can be seen from the two hearts and group chats work differently.

[-] vodka@feddit.org 7 points 2 months ago

dontasktoask.com

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[-] Klear@quokk.au 46 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Touch is a good option to distinguish between a jaguar and a shark in a dark room - jaguar is soft and shark is smooth. Easy. You'll never again confuse a jaguar with a shark.

[-] leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 2 months ago

Shark's only smooth from front to back. Otherwise shark's sandpaper.

[-] Klear@quokk.au 11 points 2 months ago

Nope. Sharks are smooth as hell in all directions.

[-] moody@lemmings.world 13 points 2 months ago

In general, the crowns of dermal denticles have cusps pointing tailward, which is why a shark feels relatively smooth if stroked from head-to-tail but sandpapery coarse if stroked the other way.

http://www.elasmo-research.org/education/white_shark/scales.htm

[-] Zorcron@piefed.zip 7 points 2 months ago

It’s telling me that shark skin is “smooth from all directions and at all times”

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[-] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I remember when I went to an aquarium as a kid and touched the sting rays in the touch tank. That texture has stayed in my mind ever since. I still can't find anything it compares well to.

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[-] LeapSecond@lemmy.zip 30 points 2 months ago

Pretty sure Sebastián would be happy to answer this question to non-journalists too

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[-] shadowwwind@beehaw.org 28 points 2 months ago

Next question, can I visit and experience the softness myself? 

[-] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 45 points 2 months ago
[-] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 18 points 2 months ago

Forbidden dinner date

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[-] SarahValentine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 2 months ago

Right? Must pet spicy floof!

[-] bizarroland@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

Can you imagine how it would feel if the Jaguar curled up in your lap and went to sleep?

[-] SarahValentine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 months ago

I sure hope I can imagine it, because that's as close as I'll ever get XD

[-] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

Why’d you remove your own upvote? You’re allowed to like the smell of your own.

[-] RustySharp@programming.dev 16 points 2 months ago

It's a server setting. Their instance doesn't auto-upvote, and can't downvote.

[-] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago
[-] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 months ago

This is an abuse of power. But since you've crossed the line already, could you ask about axolotles? Do they look happy even when they are sad?

[-] davetortoise@reddthat.com 18 points 2 months ago

Why are there two reactions? Who else was let in on this critical information?

[-] GandalftheBlack@feddit.org 18 points 2 months ago

Sebastiàn liked his own message

[-] vodka@feddit.org 16 points 2 months ago

As he should, it was a good message.

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[-] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 17 points 2 months ago

I recently learned that kangaroos are soft, which surprised me as I always imagined them like weird deer and deer are not soft. I feel like this needs to be a list I can look at somewhere.

[-] comfy@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 months ago

Are you looking for the Animal Smoothness Scale?

[-] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 10 points 2 months ago

I think they're looking for the Animal Softness scale

The two together form a two dimensional chart though

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[-] Mantzy81@aussie.zone 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Stroked many a roo, wallaby and other macropods and they're not soft everywhere. More interesting is that there's no real give to their softness. They're solid muscle below the skin so you don't really want to poke them too hard. Does depend on the species too though - I ain't touching a red. A quokka and bettong are quite pliable and have that give when you stroke them, like a cat.

Domestic cat that is. When I stroked a cheetah it was all muscle and smooth but not soft, more like a deer

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[-] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 months ago

I wish I didn't know that. Now I really want to pet a jaguar.

[-] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 months ago

I was 100% sure that would be the answer. Is there a feline that is rough?

[-] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 2 months ago
[-] Johnny_Arson@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

Depends which direction you pet them.

[-] phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago
[-] bizarroland@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

They can be if they are attracted to you.

[-] village604@adultswim.fan 7 points 2 months ago

They definitely are, regardless of the direction.

[-] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Depends on the angle.

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[-] PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago
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this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2026
1057 points (99.3% liked)

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