this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Considering the popularity of Gaming Grandma, I think it's just the stereotypes. Until recently, even social media was a nerd thing that brought out thoughts of smelly social rejects not respecting social spaces.

The internet is only just now not for social rejects, gaming being labeled for kids and something you outgrow seems to be an individual choice brought on ( often as I see) to peer pressure to stop in the first place.

I'd say there's not a cut off, people just have some really shit opinions about things they should just stfu about. I grew up in the South and I abandoned trying to follow the minds of judgemental folks a long time ago. Half the time they're just jealous you live your life and they haven't managed to keep their personality after getting married and having kids. 😂

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

There isnt one. Its a stupid stigma. Keep looking until you find someone who isnt a dipshit about it. Age gating fun is always stupid.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

There's absolutely no age cut off for video games. I would even go further and say that more seniors should play video games.

But, I also wouldn't be too judgy with people who think video games are for kids. This is all thanks to decades of marketing. Atari, the first popular video game console, was sold along side TVs and other electronics and was targeted towards everyone. But then Nintendo decided to market their console as a toy, instead of a consumer electronics product. Also, they had to pick a "boy" vs "girl" aisle, and they picked "boy", which is why video games aren't seen as girly.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

No, if that doesnt affect negatively your life there's nothing wrong about gaming. That can actually be a nice way to bond with your kids

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm over 40 and still game with my husband and kids. It's a normal part of our lives, and it's fairly limited when our kids (all 10 and under) are awake.

However, I have seen many, many posts over the years in various mom spaces about husbands and fathers putting gaming before their families. Coming home from work and going straight to the console 5 days a week. Using their paid time off to no life AAA releases while their wives had to use theirs on sick kids. Spending "his" money upgrading the gaming rig while putting the stay at home spouse or lower earner on a such a strict budget she couldn't afford clothes or haircuts. Exploding at their kids for being interrupted during online game sessions in the middle of the afternoon. These are extreme examples, but I've seen them all more than once. If that's the lived experience of the women you are meeting, I can see why you'd get an unenthusiastic response to the hobby.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

All of those examples seem less about gaming and more about the guy being an asshole. You could replace gaming with any other hobby or activity. Gaming just happens to be a very common hobby.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah you can just replace gaming in those scenarios with any other hobby: cars, sports, woodworking, doesn't matter. Assholes will be assholes no matter the entertainment medium they consume

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Stealing my old comment from the place that shall not be named in response to a similar question asked there by someone in a comparable situation to share here due to relevancy - A person had replied to the OP question declaring that "women didn't respect men's hobbies" so I said :


Perhaps there is a more useful way to frame things…

How about instead :

“It’s somewhat common for people with some level of disfunction within their intimate relationships to be okay living their entire lives with a partner essentially dictating what is ‘acceptable’ in their lives together in such a way that is uncompromising for said other partner - who then feels like they are not deserving of the things that make them happy. This is unhealthy as it builds resentment and encourages dishonesty and ‘going around’ set boundaries only really agreed upon by one party.”

The takeaway should not be : “Women have no respect for men’s hobbies.”

There are plenty of women who love games, and plenty of men who don’t.

The takeaway should be : “Partners in an intimate relationship should have enough love and respect for one another that they can truly find middle ground with issues they disagree on - while at the same time trying to better empathize, communicate, and enrich each others’ lives. If you and your partner disagree on where gaming should be as an aspect of your personal hobbies and interests, a reasonable compromise should be discussed.”

I am a guy at the same age. My spouse doesn’t really game much… but we have our video games in the living room, as that allows me to enjoy our home theater setup for single player type and online multiplayer gaming between my fellow parent gamers and myself, while also allowing us as a family to play certain games like Mario Kart and Castle Crashers together across seating that is comfortable and roomy.

My partner loves me and wants me to be happy. And I want them to be happy. If you aren’t happy with the arrangement currently set… talk about it. If they can’t meet you in the middle… then decide if it’s worth it to continue discussing it or not and go forward.

Really that’s a foundational aspect of healthy relationships… communication, respect, and a hope that you help make the other happy and feel supported.

A relationship without that foundation will likely eventually fail.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Even if there was a cutoff age, it would be changing every year as millennials age up and the gaming industry does a better job at targeting older players.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Def no acceptable age as in videogames are great for any age.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

When you get bored lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It's becoming more accepted. I have a few friends in their 40s who are the biggest gamers I know. You may be on the edge of what might be seen as an "acceptable " age, but it is very common for adults. I can see how dating might bring out the judgement in some people, but you shouldn't have to repress that part of yourself, especially since you do it with your kids. As it becomes more and more common many people won't stop doing something they loved doing their whole lives.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm 63, a woman, and I play games. <shrug>

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You hit it yesterday. A squad has been dispatched to retrieve your computer. I'm sorry.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

1976 boy here. Grew up playing on the BBC and sat waiting patiently for starfield.

Never too old.

Other people's judgement should never get in the way of a good hobby and giving yourself downtime.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

My backlog of games isn't going to play itself. I have no choice. (in my 50s)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

As a few others have mentioned its mainly a generational thing. Video games are still "recent" and you are/were at the point that it was just starting to catch. Keep looking and hopefully you will get someone of the same mind set you are

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm 33/m and also dating. From my experience, women my age vary around attitudes to video games but generally appreciate that it's a valid form of entertainment alongside movies and TV. I don't think it's an age thing as much as a generation thing - nowadays they're part of popular culture whether you're into them or not, so most people up to mid-30s grew up around them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

What do you play? Different circumstances, but same age.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I think the older someone is the cooler they seem to me if I find out they game. It's why I like watching https://www.youtube.com/@Food4Dogs because its lot more interesting to get insight about gaming from people who are so much more knowledgeable and were around to actually experience lot of the progress and changes of technology over the years. And being open to new hobbies despite what their age group might say is something I respect.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I’m closer to 40 than 30, and I play video games basically every day. My spouse is super supportive. The only thing that’s changed is that I don’t play PC games unless it’s on my steam deck, because I already spend too much time at a desk working. But I have a PS5 that I finally bought a racing wheel for, and Ive been logging tons of hours on TOTK.

Basically, find someone who appreciates you and your hobbies. Being a gamer isn’t a bad one, despite what those of us that grew up adjacent to Gen X might think.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

The discussions about gaming (you're too old / it's for kids etc.) really shit me. If you want to talk about volume of screentime, that's perfectly reasonable. But if I chose to game instead of watch a movie / sports game / be on my phone, then that's my choice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It sounds like your dating the wrong women. Why do you need to add someone that’s going to make judgements of you based on a hobby? Date people that improve your life; not make you question it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

While I do think there's probably more younger people across the spectrum playing games than older folk, I still think you can find the person you're looking for. It's definitely become more socially acceptable I think for younger generations it's just become a more normal thing integrated into social life. Oh we can't go out? I'm down for some Minecraft or Animal Crossing, etc. I've known lots of women over the years that were "cool" and "attractive" but were heavy into video games. Older folk in general skew towards thinking they are smashing or juvenile. We had recently pitched a club at my library district, but once it reached the older board people, they didn't understand why one would even pose the idea in such an "institution," totally missing why gaming can be an incredibly nourishing hobby for everyone in some form. But yeah, even at my job I tend to find most older women roll their eyes at the thought of video games (I work with mostly middle aged women 40-60 with a few younger aged folk sprinkled in there). Games as a hobby has become more progressive aiming for all sorts of people, Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, etc. have all broken down a lot of walls for younger generations. Obviously misogyny is gonna still exist thanks to how early gaming marketing skewed perspective of video games as well as shooters and their tone being heavily ostracizing to women. Games like Fortnite let you gun down Goku as Ariana Grande, and shit like that does go a long ways to reaching different people.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

There’s no age cutoff for enjoying games, but there’s definitely one for bringing it up, especially on a date. If I had to guess, I’d say that cutoff is in your early twenties, at most.

The stereotype is that gamers are immature misogynists who never go outside, and live on Doritos and Mountain Dew. Some gamers live up to this stereotype, so it’s not completely unreasonable.

The best way to counter this perception is to let her get to know you before mentioning gaming. Once she knows you’re not gross, and DO have other interests, gaming is seen as a hobby (as it should be) and not a red flag.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm almost 40 and still game regularly, although not as much as I would like. I treat it like anything else and honestly couldn't care less what anyone else thinks about it. If you enjoy gaming then don't let anyone stop you.

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