As call and response in the office whenever two "absolute top priority, over all else" tasks arrive in quick succession;

If everything is urgent?

Nothing is urgent!

"You got the brains god promised a crowbar"

Instead of: 'your mom', 'that's what she said', 'title of your sex tape', etc... I just say, "jokes".

Doesn't matter what the joke is, but what was said definitely has a joke in there somewhere. It's an implied innuendo, and it's mostly for my own amusement

"I'm giving 'er all she's got!!!" = "Jokes"

"Brilliant". In the most sarcastic way possible whenever something goes wrong.

When a coworker announces that he goes on vacation now (from this to that date, just so everybody knows), I ask:

"Who has approved that?"

in a grave serious tone.

Even if it is some kind of boss of any level.

Works best in large meetings :)

Oh my god I picked up "GG" at some point (I don't even play MMOs) and I literally say it all the time now. I've had to explain it to multiple people too because it's not like a very normal people term.

Another one is during the Sweet Brown era I was going on a college trip and I used to say "ain't nobody got time for that" so often that I got my English professor saying it and she was pissed. LOL. Now, due to fiscal constraints, I only say "ain't nobody got dime for that" :(

"Es war mir ein inneres Blumenpflücken"

after having a nice time with someone. it translates to

"It was an internal flower picking for me"

meaning this was like picking flowers with you for my mental state

My favorite is when someone says some innocuous word or term, and I very angrily ask "what the hell did you call me?!" Works best when it doesn't really make any sense.

Everything is temporary

I'll often repeat things my wife says in the "I'll x your y" format as if it were a cheesy pickup line. Like, she'll ask if I can grab the remote, and I'll say "I'll grab your remote." She hates it.

If it's not broken, keep fixing it 'til it is.

I teach English in Japan, and I keep it as casual as possible with my students. I always end up saying “See ya!” (I try to use proper English and say “See you.” but it doesn’t always come out that way) at the end of each lesson and that always ends up being the first English my students speak with fluency as a result.

"I'm super not worried about it"

The only thing that comes to mind is: any time someone drops something, I tell them, "oh, you can just put that anywhere."

I don't know where I got it from, but it annoys my kids.

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human d--ks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.

In response to nearly everything, "That was my high school nickname!"

Not mine, but I knew a guy in high school who did this and I think it's ripe for someone to steal. He would frequently add "like the dickens!" to things, the less appropriate, the better. .

I used to have several at work...

Everything i look at is broken (my corporate experience)
And
Nick knows everything (Nick was an introvert, but very knowledgeable)
And
We make so much money (stolen from Jim the old guy)
And
We used to make so much money (retort to Jim)

"are we serious" whenever something negative happens

pig fucker. straight from south park. they've corrupted my fucking innocent, pure mind

I didn't do it!

To be fair, you have to have a very high amount of beans in order to understand Lemmy and Fediverse. The memes are extremely subtle, and without a digital grasp of software engineering, most of the code will go over a typical Fedi-user's head. There's also Lemming's anti-fascist outlook, which is definitely woven by its leftist characterization. Its community draws heavily from Leftist Literature. Leftists understsnd this stuff; they have the emotional capacity to truely appeciate the depth of these memes, to realize this isn't just memey- it represents the shared humanity of all (almost all) Fedi-users. As a consequence, those who dislike the Fediverse truely ARE lazy bastards that can't do 5 minutes of duckduckgo'ing to read a wikipedia page explaining how this shit works- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in the fediverse's egalitarian catchphrase "Eat The Rich" which itself is a cryptic reference to Jean-Jacques Rousseau's French phrase, which translates to: "When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich". I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those fascists and "centrist" right-wing-sympathizer dipshits scratching their heads in confusion as the genius of our decentralized leadership reveals on the open source code on their computer monitors. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a ACAB tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the rebel's eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 EQ points of my own (preferably higher) beforehand.

Hey, What's Going On!

My friend says if I was an Animal Crossing villager, I would end my sentences with "for real".

Asks me a question
"Woah, for real?"

Talking about the weather
"I saw clouds building on the horizon. For real!"

We're both lamenting
"For real, man..."

I don't know that I have a catchphrase, but I use "holy moly" a lot in my sports announcing, and "my dude" a lot in casual conversation.

I caught/catched the most with pspsps

When someone who is really exasperated exclaims “Jesus Christ!” I respond with, “yes my child?”

When someone says “this is really X” “You know what else is X? something about you, your mother, etc.

"That's not my problem any more..."