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I could fight a brown bear. I wouldn't win and would probably die in seconds, but I could still fight it
A lemmy post of a tumbler repost of a reddit repost.
🤌
Now to screenshot this and post that on Mastodon!
The prophecy has been fulfilled.
You win at interneting for today. Take your prize and log off until tomorrow. Then you can play again.
If a kitten can draw blood on me and make me wince in pain. I have no hope of upscaling from there.
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If it's a black bear, I can just make myself look bigger and scare it away.
They are technically correct,
Probably also lose on the technicality of bringing in the CLAUW
which is the best kind of correct.
Ending your sentence on a comma should be a crime. It leaves that unfinished feeling
Funny you should say that -
Relevant xkcd. The best kind of xkcd.
Goddamn you.
)
Wyoming resident here. Every one knows that a bear will kill you in an instant, but if you're up here for the summer, for the love of god please stay away from moose. Moose get really territorial, they are almost as tall as a house, and they will fuck your shit up. Moose are chill, until they are not.
PS: Don't approach bison (buffalo), or any wildlife, in Yellowstone you big fuckin' dummy.
P.S., Moose are way bigger than horses. Taller and way heavier. And very fast, not sure if faster than a race horse, but very freaking fast.
Every year there are a few collisions between vehicles and moose. They're more often fatal for both the moose and the people in the car than collisions with other animals like deer or bears. Part of that is because the moose are bigger than most other things you might hit, but a bigger issue is where their weight is concentrated. A moose's belly is about 1m off the ground, so if you run into a moose with a car, you're likely to knock out its legs with your fender and hood, sending its 500 kg body through the windshield.
One time I saw a car that had been hit by a moose. It looked like it had ran into a freaking brick wall. I seriously doubt there were any survivors.
Normally it's moose that are hit by cars but...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEc6ng9J6cg
This is a moose hauling ass through 3 feet of snow, if anyone would like a demonstration.
I went to Yellowstone a couple of years ago, and about a month or two after I came home, some idiot tried to get up close and personal with a bison standing near a building (to get pictures) and ended up with a shattered spine.
Is this Darwinism?
Literally, every year there are multiple incidents because people can't or refuse to accept that they are wild animals. The bison and even regular deer are also dangerous.
Agreed. A deer will fuck you (and even itself) up if it thinks you might attack it.
Oh good god that was a terrible place to put the brackets.
Yeaaah in hindsight maybe I should have put "up" first. Leaving it up for free psychic damage.
Acshully, the plural of moose is meese
Now you're going to tell me that bison is singular even though it has bi for two in it
They're called "bison" because they weigh at least as much as two sons kissing (non-related).
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It says fight not win a fight. I could probably get a kick or something in as I’m being torn apart
Verbal probably counts. "Fuck you, bear!" should be enough to qualify
Edit: nope, I'm illiterate. It literally says "hand-to-paw" combat. Guess you're catching a paw, buddy.
P.S. to my edit
I had a substitute teacher in the ~~third~~ fourth grade who told my class about a class trip she took to Yellowstone. She said that while on the trip, her best friend got mauled by a bear. She told us that it took one swipe at her and she was dead or completely unresponsive and then it started wrestling her like a rag-doll. Thus began my lifelong fear of bears.
Not only is that a horrible thing to happen to a child on a class trip, it’s a horrible thing to tell a room full of nine year olds. My grandmother told me a graphic story about a roommate who lost an eye that has haunted me since.
Also, your edit made me wonder if I’m fundamentally dishonest, because it literally wouldn’t even occur to me to correct myself from the third to fourth grade while retelling an anecdote, even in person to close friends, unless it were about something with a date attached. I just figure that approximations are a part of life and it’s not that important, but I’m now asking myself if that’s the sort of thing I should correct and if I’ve been unintentionally (ish?) lying to everyone.
Edit: as evidence, I realized that I fucking did it in this comment. It was a nun at the convent my grandmother lived in for a while, and they were similar ages, so they were friends. That’s a complicated relationship for a throwaway comment and it creates space for a lot of follow up questions, so I streamlined it to roommate.
As long as the fudged details don't materially change the relationship between the anecdote and the point, I don't think it's a big deal.
Like whether it was grade 3 or 4 doesn't really matter, but if it was the teacher telling the story or a classmate recounting the tales of his summer up with his uncle in Canada and they couldn't retrieve the body because they ended up in a motorcycle fight with a band of ninjas, I'd say that's a bigger deal.
Because why would he leave out the ninja fight bit, that part is metal!
Because why would he leave out the ninja fight bit, that part is metal!
Because I'm an asshole of epic proportions. That's MY ninja story and I'm gonna make sure that you don't get to hear it!
So we're thinking that 6% of survey responders could be extremely pedantic instead of overconfident idiots?
Little of both I’m sure
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The meme was always “100 men vs 1 grizzly”. And yes we could, as long as I was in the back and could climb over the blood soaked bodies of those in front to confront an exhausted grizzly pinned under the weight of mutilated corpses.
Then you notice the white powder covering the bear's face and realize you've made a grave mistake.
What’s so funny
“Apex predator, high on cocaine, and you’re going toward it.”
I'm told that a black bear won't bother to kill you before eating you. They don't give a shit. Once they start eating, they can't be scared off. They'll go for your meatiest bits first. Legs, then abdomen.
I didn't need that picture, and now you have it too.
I think you mean grizzly bear. Black bears are usually more timid, although I still wouldn’t try to mess with one.
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I could understand maybe a black bear if the person in question was huge, but you cant win against a grizzly in any world without a weapon.
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this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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