During my sobriety I've been taking something called suboxone. You could liken it to an opiate blocker, though it does have a degree of a sedative effect.

This becomes unnoticeable after a while.

2 months ago I decided to stop taking it, as it was no longer required.

And so it turns out the mild sedation was not so mild at all. I was emotionally numb to a degree that I had forgotten what either positive or negative really felt like.

It has been tough. I have no desire to return to my old life, I have no cravings. I've had a constant underlying headache from various parts of my body being incredibly tense since the beginning.

But coming back into the world full of feelings and a nervous system that's been half asleep for a decade has been really, really hard. Everything feels so intense, both emotionally and physically.

I love it. But it's hard work. I'm stuck in this "reconfiguration" stage and I think I've mindlessly said "man, today has been a hard day" every day for a few weeks now.

I've played the best music I've probably played in my life over the last 2 months. I feel like myself. I'm excited. But it's a struggle. Were I not already somewhat used to dealing with stuff like this by myself, I think I would have run back to the medicine.

No one I know in real life knows about what's happening. I just needed to get it out of my system.

Thanks for listening.

/vent

4th coat of paint on the 2nd bedside table finished and the brushes and stuff cleaned up

tomorrow it's touch ups, finish lining the drawers, clean the mirror and then most of whole suite is done 😊

I'll fix and paint the dressing chair when I come back from NZ

I am now having a much enjoyed hot milo

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

I just passed my Learners . It's been a while since I've driven so I thought I should take the tests and lessons again.

I got two wrong but it was just being overly cautious 😬

🍻

Just finished Expedition 33. I know I was coming to the end and I'm still... but why. Why.

Listened to a podcast called Scammerland about human trafficking in Myanmar. So terrible.

Pretty lights

If your man ain't treating you right
Come up and see ol' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a sixty-minute man, oh yeah
Sixty-minute man

Tomorrow for the Winter Solstice Games I have lots of wood, potatoes, marshmallows and chestnuts. What else do I need or need to do? Poetry? Spells? Chanting? Nudity?

I forgot to post the results of dinner last night.

I may have put way too much chicken. The pot is overflowing with sauce and chicken and the bacon I added.

I was expecting the bacon to be salty but it didn’t really come out overpowering.

Also I think the Aldi sauce I used had a lot of garlic in it but it’s back to its tasty best.

Felt like the quality had dropped over the last couple of months.

Bedroom light shade is up

It was in lots of flat pieces of plastic that had to be bent and attached together so it took a while, but I'm pleased with the result. I just need to get to the assembly of the bedside tables and the bedroom will be done.

Back from daily vitamin D exposure. The sun is glorious with light winds too, perfect winter’s day. Vibes are high for Friday arvo.