that ending a relationship that isn't working is also my responsibility, instead of postponing it, thinking "this time things will be alright" or "if i break up, everyone will think wrong of me" and letting dissatisfaction grow inside me, turning myself into an *sshole.
this post was submitted on 15 May 2025
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Asklemmy
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i've recently had to accept that my neurodivergence makes managers, supervisors, etc. uneasy about me despite my stellar track record and the sole reason why i was able to maintain continuous employment was because of my high demand skill set; which means that employment will become increasingly difficult as i continue to age.
At least your quirks allowed you to create a track record that was seen as stellar by others.
My own Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s allows me to do impressive things. But without any significant ability to monetize those traits or for it to be visibly profitable to someone else, it’s been a much more impactful hell on my employability.
I’ve come to hate how capitalism only “works well” for the masses who stumble and fumble through life, but who can easily conform to the required soul-sucking shape of profitability for someone else. People are more than just how much profit can be squeezed from them, and can provide back to civilization a lot more than what the current capitalistic structures parasitize out of them.
There are other economic structures that are much more humane and planet-friendly, but as a civilization we have been indoctrinated into seeing those frameworks as being “irredeemably evil” simply because prior “implementations” used them as a veneer of legitimacy over despotic authoritarian regimes.
Greed has altered the course of life many times over.
I continually fight this myself. I made a fair amount of profit in crypto, but I 100 percent realize that it's just blind luck. I like the idea of it and I love the news about it, so it's very difficult for me to not to go 100 percent in every time I see a trend!
So far, I've resisted the urge to go to crazy with it, but ugh, it's tough . And I lie to my gf and tell her that I just follow, but don't invest. So I'm pretty much the kind of asshole that I grew up despising. lol
I've never invested more than I can afford to lose, and cash out the minute I make a little profit. But I can see how addicting it is and how easily some people could fall off the cliff.
A lot of crypto isn’t blind luck any more than the stock market is. I’ve made smart, strategic, well researched crypto investments over 13 years and it’s been quite successful. Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, Sui…
If you keep up with the engineering and filter all the noise, it’s historically been really smart investment / store of value.
That said if you’re just following influencers and aren’t an engineer or have a keen eye for finding truly knowledgable people - yeah it’s risky af!!
Im never going to get everything right. Allowing myself this allowed me to get some of the more important things right.
That just meaning well or having good intentions, are not enough. You need to actually show up and make time for the things, and people, you value.
Thinking of a great friend who had the courage to break up with me, and tell me straight up it's because I was a bad friend to them.
Great post!
That I wasted over a decade trying to figure out what was wrong with me on my own before I finally got professional help.
I have an unhealthy relationship with food. Oddly, the thing that really finally made it click was playing the Sims, and I noticed my Sim would get up & grab a snack from the fridge every single time they were bored.
Pardon my language, though I heard this in an interview with Jimmy Carr, and it rather highlights this for me quite well:
I'm paraphrasing, though it was something like "if you've seen five cunts before noon, you're the cunt".
My sapphic brain wasn't tuned to understand that quote properly at first. Instead of seeing an insult, I thought, "Wow, that sounds like a busy, but amazing, morning."
Alcohol isn't everyone's friend, I was an alcoholic at 18, and refused to acknowlege that fact and kept denying it in the face of all the evidence. When I finally asked for help and quit drinking at 45, I realised how much of a mess I'd made of my life. Thankfully I've been sober since (going on 7 years now). Addiction is not a joke people.
Good for you, brother! Stay strong. I've stayed drug-free/alcohol free my entire life, but only because I've watched loved ones go thru addiction, so I realize how tough it is. The fact that you got out of it after so long, is a major accomplishment. Good on ya, mate.
Addiction is not a joke people.
This is why I hate to see how casual Lemmy is about drugs and alcohol. Some actually brag about posing while high or drunk--and then get a shitton of upvotes for it. They don't realize how quick it happens. and how addiction doesn't care who you are. It can happen to anyone.
Thank you brother 🙏
Same, although I'm shy about the alcoholic label. But the fact is I was sadder and less motivated, even when I managed to drink "moderately," and I feel better in every conceivable way since I stopped. I feel like I can trust myself to handle things straight-on now.
Honestly I understand what you mean, for me it was the opposite, my family and close friends had been telling me about my abuse for decades. So when I finally admitted I owned the word Alcoholic. I'm a happily recovering one. Good on you for managing!
After taking calculus for the third time and still not getting it, I realized I might not be that smart. There is a reason the bell curve places a majority in the middle.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.
The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it's manipulative and not authentic. People don't like goodness if it doesn't come from the heart.
People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
I'm curious if you mean in an abstract way, of if you've done nice-seeming things for people only for them to call you out on whatever ulterior motives.
Cool that you're way at the end of the willing-to-face-facts bell curve, though.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent.
The fact that you're even saying this implies that you're more intelligent than so many people.
Knowing the limits of your own understanding is a big part of intelligence imo
Top shelf introspection here.
Re being a good person I wouldn't sweat your mirror neurons over it too much. I suspect that if most people did the kind of self-analysis you've done, they would find similar, ulterior drives.
Anyway, so while I've long since shelved the fantasy of "true altruism" I have noticed that I'm more likely to behave nicely if I can set myself up for success by doing things like eating enough, working out, avoiding running late, etc. In a very real way I am a nicer person when I'm, for example, not running late.
I do this because behaving nicely is important to my self image, and leads to a more pleasant feeling life.
It's something.
You sound like a very interesting person if I may say so (: Love me some folks who were brave enough to have faced these gigantic pillbottles.
Don't they?? I'm instantly charmed.
That trauma is not an identity and if I want to grow as a person I have to resolve that trauma and let go of the past.
When people told me I was smart as a child/young adult, what they really meant was I was showcasing a skill they lacked, which the overwhelming majority of people don't give a shit about an adult having.
Often synonymous with just having an above average vocabulary. Ohhhh if only that's all it took to be truly smart …
It was an incredibly large antibiotic pill because I didn’t want to shower (it took away from reading) and I got impetigo.
Just because I've been in relationships for years doesn't mean I'm any good at them 😬
Preach! I'm a fairly terrible boyfriend, and I have no idea why girls continue to give me a chance. And that just reinforces my bad behaviour.
Yes... quitting all your jobs and becoming homeless is much better then getting abused 80 hours a week by your 3 employers
But there can be a better way.
I realized at about 20 that I can really hurt people by trying to whitewash reality and sweep the bad away.
I also have a hard time making friends and then maintaining those relationships. Would like to get better, but apparently not enough to actually do so? We'll see. Life is searching.
I was causing most of my own problems by having too many expectations that weren’t actually necessary
That I come from a highly dysfunctional family and my entire personality is a reaction to them. I knew they were dysfunctional but I was in denial about their impact. Connecting with my true self had been a bitch.
Yep, that one fits. I'm not really sure there is some kind of other me, though.
There is. You can connect to that other part of yourself through inner child work. You then need to complete the developmental milestones that you missed. It’s very difficult work but it’s achievable.
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