Im never going to get everything right. Allowing myself this allowed me to get some of the more important things right.
this post was submitted on 15 May 2025
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I have an unhealthy relationship with food. Oddly, the thing that really finally made it click was playing the Sims, and I noticed my Sim would get up & grab a snack from the fridge every single time they were bored.
That I wasted over a decade trying to figure out what was wrong with me on my own before I finally got professional help.
That just meaning well or having good intentions, are not enough. You need to actually show up and make time for the things, and people, you value.
Thinking of a great friend who had the courage to break up with me, and tell me straight up it's because I was a bad friend to them.
Pardon my language, though I heard this in an interview with Jimmy Carr, and it rather highlights this for me quite well:
I'm paraphrasing, though it was something like "if you've seen five cunts before noon, you're the cunt".
My sapphic brain wasn't tuned to understand that quote properly at first. Instead of seeing an insult, I thought, "Wow, that sounds like a busy, but amazing, morning."
Alcohol isn't everyone's friend, I was an alcoholic at 18, and refused to acknowlege that fact and kept denying it in the face of all the evidence. When I finally asked for help and quit drinking at 45, I realised how much of a mess I'd made of my life. Thankfully I've been sober since (going on 7 years now). Addiction is not a joke people.
Same, although I'm shy about the alcoholic label. But the fact is I was sadder and less motivated, even when I managed to drink "moderately," and I feel better in every conceivable way since I stopped. I feel like I can trust myself to handle things straight-on now.
Honestly I understand what you mean, for me it was the opposite, my family and close friends had been telling me about my abuse for decades. So when I finally admitted I owned the word Alcoholic. I'm a happily recovering one. Good on you for managing!
After taking calculus for the third time and still not getting it, I realized I might not be that smart. There is a reason the bell curve places a majority in the middle.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.
The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it's manipulative and not authentic. People don't like goodness if it doesn't come from the heart.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent.
The fact that you're even saying this implies that you're more intelligent than so many people.
Knowing the limits of your own understanding is a big part of intelligence imo
Top shelf introspection here.
Re being a good person I wouldn't sweat your mirror neurons over it too much. I suspect that if most people did the kind of self-analysis you've done, they would find similar, ulterior drives.
Anyway, so while I've long since shelved the fantasy of "true altruism" I have noticed that I'm more likely to behave nicely if I can set myself up for success by doing things like eating enough, working out, avoiding running late, etc. In a very real way I am a nicer person when I'm, for example, not running late.
I do this because behaving nicely is important to my self image, and leads to a more pleasant feeling life.
It's something.
You sound like a very interesting person if I may say so (: Love me some folks who were brave enough to have faced these gigantic pillbottles.
Don't they?? I'm instantly charmed.
That trauma is not an identity and if I want to grow as a person I have to resolve that trauma and let go of the past.
When people told me I was smart as a child/young adult, what they really meant was I was showcasing a skill they lacked, which the overwhelming majority of people don't give a shit about an adult having.
Often synonymous with just having an above average vocabulary. Ohhhh if only that's all it took to be truly smart β¦
It was an incredibly large antibiotic pill because I didnβt want to shower (it took away from reading) and I got impetigo.
Yes... quitting all your jobs and becoming homeless is much better then getting abused 80 hours a week by your 3 employers
But there can be a better way.
I realized at about 20 that I can really hurt people by trying to whitewash reality and sweep the bad away.
I also have a hard time making friends and then maintaining those relationships. Would like to get better, but apparently not enough to actually do so? We'll see. Life is searching.
Just because I've been in relationships for years doesn't mean I'm any good at them π¬
That I come from a highly dysfunctional family and my entire personality is a reaction to them. I knew they were dysfunctional but I was in denial about their impact. Connecting with my true self had been a bitch.
I gotta spend less time on lemmy
TikTok β Reddit β Lemmy β ...grass?
Screw grass, touch moss instead
I prefer to touch lichen
I'm a bitter, angry, mfer and I need to chill out sometimes
Relatable tbh. I think a good part of it was depression in my younger years, but, I used to be an incredibly angry person.
It took a long time for me to accept that the truth is, you don't get angry about shit you don't care about. Hard to accept that half the things I'd get angry at weren't worth it. The other half anger just wasn't a helpful response. Been a long process of learning to have a better reaction for me.
Yeah I had a lot of issues as a kid too and being angry felt a hell of a lot better than being sad. Eventually it just got exhausting though. I can only imagine how annoying I was for other people to deal with. At least I was never one to lash out at others too much thanks to my mother showing me how it felt to be on the receiving end of that all the time.
Being angry is still basically my default emotional state but it's at least much less intense than it used to be which I think is a decent achievement considering how much there is to be angry about these days
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I was causing most of my own problems by having too many expectations that werenβt actually necessary
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