Mental Health

I make lots of angry phone calls, because I was tortured in a troubled teen facility which is still open.

My family has thoroughly rejected me, because I can be angry and reactive. It is hard not to be angry and reactive, because the torture changed the way that my body reacts to stress, and part of why I am so goddamned angry is that no one intervened.

There are sights, smells, sounds, thoughts, that put me on edge. I am normally an articulate person I think - normally calm. There’s a lot that I can handle. I can deal with a lot of difficult and sensitive issues.

But it’s those triggers. Part of it is that I choose to fight, that I call state agencies, that I call law makers, when I could just try to let the trauma “heal.” But there will still always be triggers I couldn’t avoid, even if I gave up fighting.

“Trauma brain” is difficult for people to understand. It is difficult to advocate and take care of myself when encountering a specific thing makes it impossible for me to sleep for weeks. It is my responsibility to try to treat my trauma - but at the same time, it makes it much harder to get the resources to access that kind of treatment. The biggest triggers are also directly related to mental healthcare, which makes it extremely difficult to make progress with providers. Something that “looks like” the kind of office I was sitting in as a teenager is not a place I will ever feel comfortable.

My dad basically told me I should take meds and read Viktor Frankl, and then cut me off from my family. The problem of being traumatized is that it makes you too hard to support, which means that you end up trapped in a worse and worse situation. You lose all support, and get further traumatized.

I was desperate enough to go inpatient after the election, and was physically assaulted. I don’t know where I am supposed to make my trauma better. Where I get help such that driving down a certain street doesn’t instantly wrench my body into flight or fight mode.

I always think of this line from the Talking Heads which seem to be appropriate for these times.

“ Patience is a virtue, but I don’t have the time”.

That's a double-edged sword. Some people with trauma see this as a pass to do whatever and lash out at people etc., which is not great.

As one good saying went, "It's not your fault, but sadly it is your responsibility". Support? Great. Some more understanding? Yes! But carte blanche for everything? No.

Sure yes, but what the fuck else am I supposed to do? It sucks but you still have to remain functional, because we don't live in the utopia where the numbers that provide food and shelter give a damn that your mum hit you too much.

I mean, the point of therapy is to work through your trauma in a way that allows you to avoid maladaptive behaviors, which might include being overly sensitive in situations where it isn't appropriate and doesn't help you. We can make some changes to accommodate the bad things that have happened to people, but having trauma doesn't give you license to go around the world inflicting your emotions on everyone around you. Your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility, and all that.

No

Just don't be shitty to people.

Being damaged is not an excuse.

I've seen this more in the last decade or so, someone experiences a moderate amount of distress and then expects to get a free pass on any kind of toxic behavior that they can link to it. I'm assuming some types of counselors are promoting this as a twisted "hurt people hurt people" sort of thing and I've helped these sorts of folks until the compassion fatigue really sets in and I realize it's dragging me down, having real negative effects on my own well being.

So, lately out of self preservation I'm immediately suspicious of people who put their own trauma first in the interpersonal realm, like it's the first thing you know about them. I'm not sure there are healthy environments where everyone enthusastically shares their trauma and uses it to bond over, although I feel like that concept has been promoted in some trendy pop psych circles. Heck, I see a sign on a church near me that they have a weekly "grief share" session. Sounds horrible and like a speedrun to burnout.

Am I out of line in my thinking about this? Generally I value community building and being compassionate but that sort of thing really has been getting my goat lately.

Being traumatized is a perfectly valid excuse to act shitty. We are social animals, and being somebody else's problem is half our job.

Read other comments... almost each and every one is a fucking moron. You know of a society with structures in place to help people gracefully recover from the kind of suffering that really twists psychological structure the hell out of any notion of "normal"?

Because I do not. So much so that so far I have not met a single psychiatrist whose competence I can trust (they must be out there somewhere, but I for one has failed to locate even one), let alone a network aimed at getting people out of traumatic experiences.

Not being sensitive and hide it, to protect those other people from the slightest bit of discomfort for them.